{"id":3020,"date":"2013-12-25T07:00:52","date_gmt":"2013-12-25T12:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/?p=3020"},"modified":"2014-09-26T19:14:26","modified_gmt":"2014-09-26T23:14:26","slug":"36564-letting-go-of-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/36564-letting-go-of-words\/","title":{"rendered":"365+#65: &#8211; Letting Go of Words"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Silence.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-3021\" src=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Silence-150x150.gif\" alt=\"Silence\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>Christmas Eve wasn\u2019t a silent night for me but December 3 was. That was the day I chose to keep silent. It wasn\u2019t 100% silence. That wasn\u2019t the goal; but rather to become more conscious of the words I <em>do<\/em> speak and their impact on others. I wanted to reduce the times that my speech was simply empty time fillers, especially words that at least subconsciously were aimed at self-aggrandizement, like \u201cYes, I go to Rome once a year, but the meetings are really tedious.\u201d OR \u201cI stayed up til 1:00 am last night writing a newsletter.\u201d (The subtext of this is \u201cNotice how hardworking and selfless I am, sacrificing my sleep for volunteer work.\u201d) Here\u2019s how my mostly silent day worked:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>*THE RULES:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Choose a normal day<\/b>. I confess that I cheated a little on this one. I chose a day that I didn\u2019t have any meetings, talks, or conference calls. This is not normal, but I didn\u2019t want to have to explain my silence or be rude. Since I work at home and my husband is usually the only other person in the house, I didn\u2019t have many temptations. Perhaps I would have learned more if I needed to be more conscious of the times I did speak.<\/li>\n<li><b>Inform your closest relationships<\/b>. I told Jim and pinned a note on my sweater saying that I was not talking today<\/li>\n<li><b>Don\u2019t be rude<\/b>. I decided that it would be rude not to answer people when they spoke to me. Also, since dinner is a connecting time for Jim and me, it would be rude not to talk during dinner.<\/li>\n<li><b>When you do need to speak<\/b>, choose words that are \u201cfew and full.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><b>After you speak<\/b> journey inward to notice why you chose the words you did.<\/li>\n<li><b>Choose a friend. <\/b>No one took me up on my offer (at least no one told me they did) so I went solo.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Days-273-Extra-Cell-phone.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-1208\" src=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Days-273-Extra-Cell-phone-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Days 273 Extra - Cell phone\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>JUST THE FACTS:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Speaking Interactions<\/b>: 13. Seven were phone calls. Three were with neighbors. Three were with Jim (including dinner).<\/li>\n<li><b>Total Time<\/b>: 44 minutes, 30 seconds. (Dinner conversation accounted for 20 minutes.)<\/li>\n<li><b>Length<\/b>: All but our dinner conversation were under 5 minutes.<\/li>\n<li><b>Purpose:<\/b> 8 interactions were to convey simple information like, \u201cHow do I fill out this time sheet?\u201d \u201cIs it too late for me to register for the dance?\u201d \u201cIs this the recycling truck or just the garbage truck?\u201d One was to make an appointment. Two were to give Advent Calendars to neighbors with kids. One was to tech support. (Most of this was waiting time.)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>7 THINGS I LEARNED<\/p>\n<ol start=\"1\">\n<li><strong>It&#8217;s hard to keep a focus on silence while around other people.<\/strong> If it were truly a normal day in which I were giving a talk or chatting with friends, I\u2019d probably revert to old habits \u2013 such as\u00a0too much information OR not enough listening, modeling, and focus on the other.<\/li>\n<li>BUT, <strong>this is not just about being quiet.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s about being conscious of when I <i>do <\/i>speak. Maybe I need to tweak my talking by practicing mindfulness of speech occasionally in short spurts like when I\u2019m in a meeting. By pausing before and after each comment, I might be better at curbing self-serving, complaining, or long-winded speech. I need to focus on the other\u2019s need and not just \u201clisten with my answer running.\u201d Don\u2019t be stingy with compliments and words of honor.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Silence is easier if it is the expected norm<\/strong>. Once I went on a silent retreat at a Trappist Monastery. Silence was not difficult because everyone there has the same purpose. Silence at a play or movie is expected. Silence at a meeting, dinner, or party are not.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Writing a few thoughts out<\/strong> in preparation for speaking helped me get to the point most succinctly and clearly.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Silence gave me time to think<\/strong> before I talked. What does this occasion really ask of me? Is it information that is needed or simply affirmation, consolation, or a helpful action?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Silence gave me time to wonder and marvel<\/strong> at things I might have otherwise missed \u2013 the fallen leaves, a spouse who is willing to tolerate my seemingly silly experiments\u2026<\/li>\n<li><strong>Waiting in silence can be productive<\/strong> (or at least be a chance to practice patience). Waiting for tech support gave me time to read emails and possibly solve the problem on my own. (The phone call took 45 minutes. Only 6 of these minutes involved me talking. A lot of it was waiting and pushing numbers on the phone.).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>*Thanks to <a title=\"Joshua Becker blog on silence\" href=\"http:\/\/www.becomingminimalist.com\/shhh\/?utm_source=feedburner&amp;utm_medium=feed&amp;utm_campaign=Feed%3A+becomingminimalistcom+%28becomingminimalist.com%29\">Joshua Becker&#8217;s blog<\/a> for the inspiration for this post.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Christmas Eve wasn\u2019t a silent night for me but December 3 was. That was the day I chose to keep silent. It wasn\u2019t 100% silence. That wasn\u2019t the goal; but rather to become more conscious of the words I do speak and their impact on others. I wanted to reduce the times that my speech [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[29,17],"class_list":["post-3020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beyond-stuff","tag-intangibles","tag-musings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3020","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3020"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3020\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3564,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3020\/revisions\/3564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3020"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3020"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3020"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}