{"id":5117,"date":"2017-08-31T07:00:45","date_gmt":"2017-08-31T11:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/?p=5117"},"modified":"2018-10-30T16:22:56","modified_gmt":"2018-10-30T20:22:56","slug":"365152-letting-go-of-being-right","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/365152-letting-go-of-being-right\/","title":{"rendered":"365+#152:\u00a0Letting Go of Being Right"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Silouette-w-question-mark.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-4907\" src=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Silouette-w-question-mark.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"92\" height=\"92\" \/><\/a>Although I like to think that most often my opinions are right, I admit that my husband, Jim, is often more accurate about facts than I am. I might say, \u201cHey, there were about 50 people at the party.\u201d Jim might say, \u201cNo, there were 46. I counted.\u201d I chalk this up to different personality styles.<\/p>\n<p>In this post, however, I will \u00a0not be dealing with these kinds of facts, nor job situations where there\u2019s a chain of command and a verifiable right way to do something. Rather, I\u2019d like to focus on human relationships and how the conviction that I am right can sometimes be counterproductive. It can keep me from seeing the whole truth and finding effective ways to convey my views to another. It can also make me obnoxious.<\/p>\n<p>For example, in this contentious political season, I\u2019ve been thinking a lot about how to talk with people who have a different idea of what is the right course for our country. (See <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/365141-going-beyond-my-bubble\/\">Going Beyond My Bubble<\/a><\/strong> and <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/365143-political-conversations\/\">Political Conversations<\/a><\/strong> posts). There are three possibilities:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I may be right. But convincing others of this may not be helpful. This applies to family relationships, friendships, and politics.<\/li>\n<li>I may be wrong \u2013 at least occasionally. <strong>\ud83d\ude09<\/strong><\/li>\n<li>Both of us may have part of the truth.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As my thinking has matured on this subject, I\u2019ve learned a lesson from <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/charlierose.com\/videos\/30873\">Jake Sullivan\u2019s interview with Charlie Rose<\/a><\/strong> (Aug. 10, 2017). To summarize this 54 minute video I now see the wisdom of<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Checking for the flaws in my own position<\/strong>. Even though I might think I\u2019m mostly right, there may be parts of what I believe that are weak or could be challenged. Am I willing to change and improve my original position?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Checking for the truth in my adversary\u2019s position.<\/strong> Even if I think the other\u2019s position is fatally flawed, there may be a kernel of truth in it. Otherwise, why would they hold it so strongly? Is there a need or a fear that they are trying to address?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Once this exploratory truth seeking task is done, several implementation steps occur to me.<\/p>\n<ol start=\"3\">\n<li><strong>Exercise \u201cSilence of Words.\u201d<\/strong> (This terminology comes from the Marianist \u201c<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/SOV-first-3-for-web.pdf\">System of Virtues<\/a><\/strong>.\u201d It basically means \u201cShut up, pause, and listen.\u201d) This intentional pause allows time to hear the other express their opinion and for me to show that I understand their position and respect them even though I may continue to disagree.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Exercise \u201cMindfulness of Words.\u201d<\/strong> This means I speak but not out of anger or desire to win the debate. After recognizing any basic truth or agreement I have with parts of the other\u2019s position, I express my own position.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Let your life speak<\/strong>. An alternative or addition to #4 is not to debate anything, but rather to let my actions show my values. If I want to combat racism, I treat all people with respect. If I want to reduce poverty, I spend my time and money supporting programs that lift people out of poverty. If I want to protect the environment, I myself reduce, reuse, and recycle, and then support the environmental movement.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be Mindful<\/strong>. This isn\u2019t just about speaking carefully, but rather carrying a consciousness of others and the world around me as I go about my daily life. How is each person, animal, or thing I see or hear during the day drawing me out of myself to recognize a bigger truth, a sacred presence?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Although I like to think that most often my opinions are right, I admit that my husband, Jim, is often more accurate about facts than I am. I might say, \u201cHey, there were about 50 people at the party.\u201d Jim might say, \u201cNo, there were 46. I counted.\u201d I chalk this up to different personality [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[30,29,17,50],"class_list":["post-5117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beyond-stuff","tag-faith","tag-intangibles","tag-musings","tag-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5117"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5134,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5117\/revisions\/5134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susanvogt.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}