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MONTHLY ENRICHMENT ACTIVITIES
Marriage: Parenting:
Bonding As A Couple - Sharing Feelings Laughing & Loving with Dad
Sharing Dreams / Making Commitments Balancing Act - Getting Control of Time
When We Disagree Advent Waiting 1 (Waiting with Mary...)
How Do I Know Thee? Advent Waiting 2 (Family activities)
Communication Check-Up Life & Death (Halloween, Fall, letting go)
Couple Fun Forgive and Forget
I Feel Loved When… We’re All in This Together (Ecology)
To Tell the Truth (for parents also) A Piece of the Pie - What’s fair?
Values & Spirituality The Golden Rule Revised (for couples also)
Humor Your Spouse Bless Your Child Today
The Pinch (Dealing with annoying habits) Summer Job Jar
If I've Told You Once, I've Told You 1000 Times My Grandma's Grandma (Exploring our ethnic roots)
How Well Can You Read Your Spouse's Moods? The Mystery of Growth (Spring planting)
Do You Make Good Travel Companions? Trophies for Tightwads (consumerism)
Are We Walking with the Same Moral Compass? Walking in Another's Shoes
Is Your Marriage Financially Sound? Martin Luther King and Kwanzaa
Couple Fun: Play Time or Wasted Time? Couch Potato Critics


 

For Couples - May 2008
COUPLE FUN: PLAY TIME OR WASTED TIME?

You are probably courting or married because you enjoy having fun together. With time, however, interests can change or we can just get busy about life and not take the time to recreate together. Check your “Play Quotient” to see if you’re in the same ball park.

Recreation Preferences:
When it’s time to have fun
                         I prefer:                                                              My spouse prefers:
1. Indoor              Either            Outdoor                        Indoor             Either             Outdoor
         1          2          3         4          5                                  1         2         3         4         5

2. Sedentary       Either            Physical                       Sedentary       Either            Physical
         1          2          3         4          5                                   1         2         3         4         5

3. Solitary            Either           Groups/Teams             Solitary           Either           Groups/Teams
         1          2          3         4          5                                  1         2          3         4          5

4. Cooperative    Either           Competitive                  Cooperative   Either           Competitive
         1          2          3         4          5                                  1         2          3         4          5

5. Intellectual        Either           Brainless                       Intellectual       Either            Brainless     stimulation                             relaxation                      stimulation                             relaxation  
         1          2          3         4          5                                   1          2         3         4          5

6. Spectator        Either         Participative                   Spectator        Either           Participative
         1          2          3         4          5                                   1          2         3         4          5

For Discussion:
7. How much fun do you get per hour:
    How may hours per week do you typically spend recreating by yourself? _____
    (include fitness regimens, playing computer/video games, etc.)
    How many hours per week do you spend recreating with your spouse? _____
    If you have children, how many hours do you spend recreating with them? _____
8. How much fun do you get per dollar:
    Is cost a factor in what kind of recreation you choose?
    Is it worth it?
9. Couple time vs. individual time:
    Does your spouse spend a lot of time (more than one night a week) doing a hobby or
    recreation that you don’t share?
10. What’s your favorite way to relax together?

SCORING:
+1 point for each Recreation Preference in which you and your spouse differ by no more than 2.
+1 point for each correct prediction of spouse’s response (within 1 point)
+5 points for 6-15 hours of couple recreation per week
–5 points for less than 5 hours or more than 15 hours of couple recreation (unless you’re retired)
+5 points if you share two or more hobbies
–5 points if you don’t share any hobbies
–3 points if either of you regularly spend more than one night a week recreating apart from the family

Total points:
0 – 5 points: Take a break. You are at risk for being a dull, over-worked mate.
6 – 15 points: Is your job so much fun that you’re counting it as play? Unless you’re retired, consider that you may be focused too much on your own pleasure. Look for ways to serve others during your discretionary time.
16+ points: You probably have a healthy balance of fun, family, and work in your life.

BONUS questions for discussion:
Humor:
The kinds of thing that makes me laugh are:
Jokes, my own foibles, practical jokes, puns, comics, _______________________________

When “Whatever you want to do, honey” is not really true, I'd rather:
A. rent a movie                            B. go to a movie theater.
A. go to a play, concert, dinner  B. stay home and play cards, a game, or watch TV
A. watch a sport                          B. play the sport                 C. do something unrelated to sports

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For Couples
IS YOUR MARRIAGE FINANCIALLY SOUND?
OR ARE YOU HEADED FOR RELATIONSHIP BANKRUPTCY?

1. Rate yourself according to your natural inclination to spend money:
    Tightwad      Frugal       Neutral       Generous       Spendthrift
        1                  2                3                  4                        5

     Rate your spouse:
        1                  2                3                  4                        5

2. Rate your ability to put money into savings:
         1                  2                3                  4                        5

     Rate your spouse's ability:
         1                  2                3                  4                        5

3. Circle the phrase that best describes your shopping style:
A. Utilitarian (I go, I buy, I’m out.)
B. Laissez-faire (When I see something I like, I buy it. I don’t plan for it, I just follow my whim.)
C. Bargain Hunter (I check the ads. When something’s on sale, I snatch it, stock up.)
D. Therapy (When I’m in a blue mood, buying something helps me feel better.)
E. Recreation (I like to window-shop. I can spend hours shopping alone or with friends.)

Star the phrase that you think best describes your spouse.

4. Agree/Disagree?
Separately mark if you Agree (A) or Disagree (D) with each of the following statements.
A. It’s important to be frugal and thrifty with our money regardless of how much we make.
B. I think that we should have a new car at least every five years.
C. I’d rather put money into a house than take a vacation or other recreation.
D. I prefer to handle paying the bills.
E. It’s best to maintain separate checking or savings accounts.
F. It’s OK to keep some “treat” money that my spouse doesn’t know about.
    (to treat myself or buy a surprise for my spouse)
G. I think it is O.K. to maintain a balance due on a credit card.
H. I think that we should pay cash for all purchases except a house or a car.
I.   I think that a portion of every pay check should be saved.
J. If money is tight, I would only buy insurance that is legally required, i.e. car & mortgage
     insurance.
K. I think it is O.K. to gamble, so long as I don’t use the grocery money.
L. I think it is O.K. to ask our parents for financial assistance.
M. I think it’s important to have one parent at home when our children are young.
N. I think that we should make regular gifts to charity.
O. I think it is O.K. to fudge on our tax return; everybody does it.

Compare answers with your spouse. Was your assessment of each other in questions 1, 2, and 3 accurate? Discuss the items you disagreed on in question 4.

It’s not necessary to have the same spending habits, but it is important to know where you differ (especially if either of you are 1’s or 5’s on the continuum) since that is likely an area of tension between you. Sometimes differences are healthy since one spouse’s desire to save might “save” the marriage from financial recklessness. But it doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments about it.

SCORING:
Questions 1 and 2:
____ total of your own ratings for Questions 1 and 2 (out of a possible 10 points)
____ total of your spouse’s ratings for Questions 1 and 2 (out of a possible 10 points)
If your totals are separated by:
• 3 or fewer points, you are very financially compatible, but check to see if your similarities are at the extremes since being too much alike can cause problems. Two tightwads may need to loosen up and spend some money having fun together. Two spendthrifts may need to cut up their credit cards or work with a financial counselor to develop a realistic budget.
• 4 – 6 points, you’re on the same wavelength and hopefully balance each other out
• 7 – 8 points, better see a financial or marriage counselor before you end up in bankruptcy or divorce court.

Question 3:
Discuss

Question 4 (Agree/Disagree):
____ total statements for which you gave the same answer (except D)
If you agree with each other on:
10-15 statements, you have open communication about financial matters and similar financial values
5-9 statements, you urgently need to discuss the items you have different opinions about.
1-4 statements, a consultation with a credit or marriage counselor is long overdue. Make an appointment today. Contact: www.nfcc.org, for credit counseling or your local family life office for a referral to a marriage counselor.

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For Families - March 2008

COUCH POTATO CRITICS
Adapted from Just Family Nights

YOU WILL NEED:
TV. VCR, or DVD player plus the TV schedule or an interesting movie.
In advance, review the TV schedule and choose a show (or pick a movie) that has an issue or theme that might lend itself to discussion

TREAT:
Popping a big bag of popcorn to eat during the show can set the mood for an evening of sharing.

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
The leader gives a brief description of the show's theme and what to watch for.

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Network television is very nice to provide convenient breaks (also known as commercials) during which the family can discuss things. During commercial breaks discuss how the theme is being shown in the characters or through the plot. (Use the remote control to mute the sound to avoid distraction.) The following options might help get the discussion going:

OPTION 1:
Each person can select a character to be during the first commercial break. Watch how your character is affected by the issue being addressed. How does your character feel? What are your concerns, fears, joys etc? After the show the family might even want to stay in character for awhile and make up an alternative ending to play out.

OPTION 2:
Each person can imagine that they are the writer/director and try to guess what might happen at the end of the show. It is interesting to compare these predictions with how the actual plot unfolds.

DISCUSSION:
One suggested show is Star Trek: The Next Generation. It addresses many of today's issues in a non-threatening and interesting way. Even teenagers can get interested in it. Furthermore, Star Trek is in syndication so reruns can be found on almost any night.

Note: The leader must be prepared to redirect the discussion if the theme turns out to be something different than expected. It is okay to shift to another theme or another show if necessary.

Related Scripture if desired: Sirach 6:33

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, more readings, activities, songs, recipes, and background.

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For Families
MARTIN LUTHER KING and KWANZAA aren’t just for Blacks
Adapted from Just Family Nights

YOU WILL NEED:
• Summary of Martin Luther King's life. (Check the internet or library.)
• Strips of red, green and black paper, ribbon, or yarn cut in 4"- 6" lengths, (2-4 per family member).
• Kwanzaa kinara (candleholder) with a red, a green and a black candle. (Candle alternative: place three candles in candle holders and attach a piece of ribbon, yarn, or strip of red, green, or black paper around the bottom.) Place in the center of the table.
• A single candle to be used for the opening and to light the others.

OPENING:
Light the single candle and turn off a few lights. Enjoy the glow and discuss briefly what candlelight does to darkness. With young children sing a few verses of This Little Light.

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
This Family Night uses the symbols of Kwanzaa* (an African American celebration of values) to commemorate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a great African American who taught people of all races about freedom and equality.
Dr. King's birthday is observed on the third Monday of January. We honor Dr. King annually in order to remember the important things that he taught.
Kwanzaa is observed December 26 - January 1 each year. In celebrating Kwanzaa, African Americans and others are reminded of their history and struggle. Kwanzaa is a time to keep African American families strong, to encourage people to work together for the good of all people, and to picture a prosperous future for African American children. All of these things were also important to Martin Luther King.

READING:
Read a story about or a speech by Martin Luther King. As you read about his experiences, tell how you may have felt, or what you might have wanted to do, if you were in his place.
AND
Matthew 5:9-12, 14-16.
Talk about how these verses relate to the life of Dr. King. In what ways did he bring light into his world? How did he let his light and the light of God shine? What happened to him as a peacemaker?

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Give an equal number of paper, yarn or ribbon strips to each person present. As each kinara candle is lit, a family member reads the appropriate introduction below, After each candle is lit, take turns telling a way in which Dr. King lived the words which were read placing the strips of paper, ribbon, or yarn at the base of the candle.

Reader #1: "We light the black Kwanzaa candle to remember that Dr. King worked to create 'UMOJA'- unity in the family, community, nation, and race."
Take turns naming things which Dr. King was able to change for people, such as desegregation of buses.

Reader #2: "We light the red Kwanzaa candle to celebrate the 'KUUMBA'- creativity with which Dr. King worked to make his community and the world a better place."
Tell unique ways in which Dr. King helped people to do that, such as creative ways of protesting without using violence.

Reader #3: "We light the green Kwanzaa candle to remind us to keep our 'IMANI'- faith, as Dr. King encouraged us to hold onto our dream for ourselves and for our future."
Name some rights and values which Dr. King believed belonged to all people.

NOTE TO LEADER: These are only three of the seven principles of Kwanzaa. If time and interest warrant, the other four principles could be used in like fashion.* Conclude by each person choosing a colored strip and telling a way in which he or she will follow the example set by Dr. King. Keep the strip to remind you to follow through on your commitment.

Close by holding hands and singing: We Shall Overcome

TREAT:
Share red, green and brown M & M's. (Red and green fruit or vegetables could be served as an alternative. For example, slices of red and green apple or cherry tomatoes and broccoli flowerettes.) Mixing all the colors of food together signify how Dr. King felt that people of the world should be able to live together in harmony. The taste of the candy emphasizes the sweetness of achieving King's goals. Although each piece of candy is a different color on the outside, inside they are all the same. Color should not be used to determine the core value of a person.

AGE ADAPTATION:
For pre-schoolers, focus more simply on the concept of light. Light the candle and talk simply about some of the ways Dr. King shone as a light. Light can help us to see in the darkness. Dr. King helped many people to see that everyone should be treated equally and fairly, regardless of the color of his or her skin.
Deepen this experience with teenagers by discussing a few more questions:
• In what ways did Dr. King die for an important cause?
• In what ways did Dr. King die in vain?
• How would your school be different if everyone valued what Dr. King worked to achieve?
• In what way or ways would you be different if you acted on Dr. King's beliefs?

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
* For more information on Kwanzaa, see Just Family Night, Theme #60.

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For Couples
ARE WE WALKING WITH THE SAME MORAL COMPASS?

Couples don’t have to always agree on what color to paint the kitchen but disagreeing on when to have a baby or whether both spouses should work outside the home are decisions of values and conscience. If it’s a matter of morality, the rule of thumb is to not violate the more restrictive conscience. If this becomes a pattern, however, check for scrupulosity.

Circle the number that best reflects how much your care about the following moral issues:
Don’t care                         Somewhat Important                      Very Important
1                         2                            3                             4                        5

1. Attending religious services religiously, i.e. weekly. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

2. Raising our children in faith. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

3. Have our children attend religious schools even if it’s a financial hardship. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

4. Having our children attend a religious education program if they don’t go to a religious school.
    1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

5. Donating a portion of our income (ideally a tithe of 10%) to charity. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

6. Planning our family in accordance with church teaching. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

7. Having one parent at home while the children are young. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

8. Paying our legitimate taxes even if others do not. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

9. Caring for the environment by doing things like recycling, avoiding excessive packaging, minimizing car use, composting… 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

10. Taking good care of my physical health through eating nutritious foods, exercising, not smoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol or drugs. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

11. Living simply, avoiding undo consumption and a luxurious lifestyle. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

12. Live within our means. If our means are great, then our moral responsibility is to use our excess to help others. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

13. Being responsive to my spouse’s requests for sexual intimacy. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

14. Being an active citizen, voting, working for political issues or candidates, doing volunteer community work, etc. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Bonus questions for discussion:
• What social and religious causes are you most passionate about?
• Politics is grounded in many moral assumptions. What political candidate did you support in the last election? Does your spouse share your politics?

SCORING:
Add up all your points. If your totals vary by:
• Less than 15 points: Your moral compasses are very compatible. You may not always be right,
   but at least you share similar values. Consider if there are any moral issues that call you to
   become more generous or life-giving.
• 16 – 49 points: Time to discuss the issues you differ on by more than one number. Try to
   balance rationalizing away differences with being overly scrupulous.
• Over 50 points: You’re living on different planets. Talk with a priest or pastoral counselor soon.

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For Families
WALKING IN ANOTHER'S SHOES
Adapted from Just Family Nights

YOU WILL NEED:
You may want to time this session so it can include the dinner meal.
Enough materials for each person in the family to experience a different sensory or physical disability such as:
• blindfold (an old dark sock and large pin work well)
• ear muffs, ear plugs, or cotton
• tape for mouth
• sling for an arm (or a rag that can approximate a sling)
• crutches (or again, a rag could be used to tie up one leg)
• mitten to cover a hand. Attach the thumb so it can't be used.
• slips of paper, each designating a handicap: blind, deaf, mute, leg amputee, arm amputee, injured hand, etc.

OPENING:
Carefully arrange the above items to be used on the table. Light a candle and have members silently ponder: If I had to choose a disability, what would I choose?

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Of course, people who have physical, mental, or emotional impairments never had the chance to choose their limitation. We can never know fully what it's like to walk in another person's shoes, to experience another’s disability, but lets try to sample at least a little of what some people in our society have to live with everyday – not just part of a day.

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Put all the disability papers in a basket. Each family member randomly picks one and then takes the corresponding disability item. The task is then to "stay in role" for a predetermined period of time. The length of time depends upon the ages of the children and the day's schedule.
• Very young children may only be able to do this for about 15-30 minutes.
• Families with older children can try it over a longer period of time, ideally including a meal.

The family then goes about their normal activities until the time is up.

DISCUSSION
When the time is up, gather and debrief what the experience was like for everyone.
• What did it feel like?
• Did any of the disabilities seem like fun in the beginning? If so, how long did it take for the glamour to wear off?
• Did the particular disability I had make a difference? Would I have preferred a different one? Why?
• What if I had a disability that was not physical, like an emotional or mental disability? Would that be easier or harder?
• No one is perfect. In one sense all of us have disabilities, they just might not be as noticeable or severe as the kind we've just sampled. What is a limitation or disability that I really have?

TREAT:
Why not make (or at least eat) a dessert using your less dominant hand – unless you're ambidextrous of course.

Related Scripture: 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.

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For Couples
DO YOU MAKE GOOD TRAVEL COMPANIONS?

Circle A (Agree), D (Disagree), or U (Unsure) after each question. Compare answers.

1. When getting ready for a trip:
     A. I pack for every contingency    A D U
     B. I take pride in packing compactly    A D U

2. When getting ready for a trip:
     A. I am usually calm and ready to leave at the appointed time    A D U
     B. I usually scurry around frantically throwing things together and still leave late.    A D U

3. When getting ready for a trip, I like:
     A. to have a plan, check maps and tour books, etc.   A D U
     B. to be spontaneous and flexible.   A D U
     C. to have someone else plan the trip for me or have a tour guide.   A D U

4. What mode of transportation do you enjoy? (Circle all that apply.)
     A. Car    A D U
          a. It’s cheaper.   A D U
          b. I don’t travel far.   A D U
          c. We have kids and cars work best.   A D U
          d. I’m afraid to fly.   A D U
     B. Air    A D U
         a. Only if I can use frequent flyer miles.   A D U
         b. It’s quickest for long trips.   A D U
         c. I like watching the movies.   A D U
     C. Train/Subway   A D U
          a. It’s economical.   A D U
          b. It’s safe.   A D U
          c. It wastes less of the earth’s resources.   A D U
     D. Boat (a cruise, sailing, etc.)   A D U
          a. I like luxury.   A D U
          b. I like having someone else taking care of me, and the food is plentiful.   A D U
          c. I like water.   A D U
          d. I like shopping at the ports.    A D U
     E. I just like to go places, I don’t care how.   A D U
     F. I hate to travel, regardless of the mode of transportation.    A D U

5. When on vacation, I like to:
     A. stay close to home (maybe a local cottage, nearby hotel, or just staying home).   A D U
     B. do things the natural way (camping, hiking, outdoor activities).   A D U
     C. Do it “first class” (expensive lodging, entertainment) Vacations are a time to splurge.  A D U
     D. Travel to far off or unique places (different countries, or a different part of my country). A D U
     E. Have familiar surroundings and all the comforts of home. A D U

6. When traveling by car, I like to:
     A. take frequent breaks to stretch, eat, go to the bathroom.    A D U
     B. push ahead to get to my destination as quickly as possible.   A D U

7. When traveling by car, I like to:
     A. keep a neat environment (I always keep a litter bag in the car.)   A D U
     B. Get real! If I’m going any distance, it’s impractical to keep everything neat.   A D U

8. When driving, I:
     A. generally don’t go more than five miles over the speed limit.    A D U
     B. either keep a radar detector in the car, or should.    A D U
     C. am very cautious. Many cars pass me.    A D U

9. When traveling by car:
     A. I pack many diversions (books, CD’s, games, etc.)    A D U
     B. I’m fine as long as the radio works. I like it tuned to:    A D U
          a. music (What kind? __________)    A D U
          b. talk shows (What kind? _________)    A D U
          c. news or NPR.    A D U
     C. I like to talk or sing.    A D U
     D. I like to sleep.   A D U

10. I prefer to:
     A. travel to one place, stay there, and relax.    A D U
     B. visit a lot of different places, see a lot, do a lot.    A D U
     C. visit relatives.    A D U
     D. visit friends.    A D U

11. I like to travel:
      A. by myself.    A D U
      B. with my spouse.    A D U
      C. with my spouse and children.    A D U
      D. with a group of friends.    A D U

 SCORING:
  Total all the responses on which you and your spouse agree.
  If you agree with each other on:
  40+ items: Happy Travels!
  11-39 items: Take this opportunity to practice compromise and negotiation skills.
  0-10 items: Consider separate vacations.

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For Families
TROPHIES FOR TIGHTWADS
Adapted from Just Family Nights

YOU WILL NEED:
Boxes or bags for collecting excess clutter, clothes and other items to give away.

OPENING:
Invite the family around the kitchen or other gathering place. Light a candle and sing a song like "Simple Gifts."

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Living simply is not a simple task. It takes more creativity and more of our physical and spiritual energy than "buying into" our fast-paced, throwaway society. Let’s look at our living environment and let go of some of what clutters our life.

READING:
Matthew 6:25-34

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Each family member finds two or three items around the house that he or she can't live without (i.e. teddy bear, iPod, computer). Examine the use of each item and discuss if these are wants or needs. What does our family actually NEED for survival?

Take a tour of your home together. In each room look at what is lying around the floor (clutter). How do we take care of our belongings? What furnishings, knick-knacks, etc. unnecessarily "clutter" our lives?

Look at the clothes in your closets and drawers. Do we have clothing or accessories we don't use anymore that someone else may be able to use?

Collect clothing and other items we can give away.

Are there families you know who need your extra clothes, etc.? Arrange to give them your surplus in a dignified fashion or donate the items to a charitable organization.

TREAT:
Popcorn and apple juice

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.

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  ;

ENRICHMENT - For Couples
HOW WELL CAN YOU READ YOUR SPOUSE'S MOODS?

Answer each question according to what you think your spouse would say. Then check with each other to see how close you are in interpreting each others words and moods.

1. “I have a headache” means:
A. I want to be alone.
B. I want some sympathy and consolation.
C. I need to know where you put the aspirin.
D. I’d like some comfort food or a back rub.
E. Don’t even think of suggesting we make love tonight!

2. When I ask my spouse, “What’s wrong?” and the reply is “Nothing,” that means:
A. Nothing is wrong. (This probably is not true and, therefore, wrong.)
B. My spouse is feeling neglected or misunderstood and wants you to remember what you did to offend and then apologize.
C. My spouse wants to be left alone to sulk or vegetate for awhile.
D. She’s probably having a PMS moment.

3. Your spouse looks at you with a gleam in the eye:
A. Something good happened at work and he/she is anxious to share it.
B. He’s proud that he has such a beautiful wife. She’s proud that she has such a handsome husband.
C. Your spouse just had the lowest golf score of the year, the highest video game score, or won the lottery or _______________
D. He’s hoping you’re in the same mood that he is in this evening. (Reverse pronouns if you like.)

4. Your spouse snaps at you. He or she is probably:
A. Tired and needs a nap.
B. Upset about something that doesn’t involve you.
C. Annoyed that you just beat him/her at a game.
D. Defensive because of a criticism that you just delivered.
E. Other _____________

5. Your spouse is quiet and doesn’t respond when you walk in the room. He/she is:
A. Just fine and enjoys the calm and solitude
B. Brooding. It might be about you, but it might not.
C. Bored or lonely and is waiting for your company to do something.
D. Engrossed in thought or concentrating.
E. Privately praying/meditating.
F. Almost asleep. Don’t disturb.

6. Your spouse is scurrying around, barking orders, and looks frazzled. He/she would probably like you to:
A. Get out of the way
B. Think of ways to help with the tasks that need to be done.
C. Ask what you can do to help.
D. Know that there’s so much to do because of something you forgot to do or your tardiness and is hoping for an apology.

7. Your spouse is sick. He/she probably wants to:
A. Be left alone.
B. Have you run to the store for medications.
C. Have you be solicitous, i.e. bring some juice, the paper.
D. Have you nearby for company and conversation

Scoring: If you accurately anticipated your spouse’s answer:
5-7 times – You’re experienced in reading your spouse’s moods
2-4 times – Don’t just guess, check out what your spouse really means and wants.
1 time – Time for a communication class.
* Correctly guessing your spouse's answer is not as important as the discussion you have as a result of it.

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  ;

ENRICHMENT - For Couples
IF I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, I'VE TOLD YOU 1000 TIMES

Why do adults who are normally reasonable and mature, believe that if they only repeat a complaint to their spouse often enough, that the spouse will change. Such nagging doesn’t work with kids and it’s even more destructive to a marriage. Following is an exercise to help you stop nagging. Its success depends on your willingness to give up one gripe.

Many of us have probably used the phrase, “Honey, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, would you please not – chomp on your ice cubes, leave the toilet seat up, criticize me in front of your mother… If indeed you’ve asked your spouse more than several times to stop a behavior, chances are he or she will not be more likely to change if you simply keep repeating the request. Usually what follows is resentment.

You have several options:
1. Find a new and creative way to motivate your spouse to change. “Honey, every time you have ice in a glass and DON”T chew on it, I’ll give you a massage, we can make love, whatever.”
2. Decide that in the whole scope of life and love, the infraction is rather minor and you will choose to live with it. This choice means you must give up the urge to remind and nag on this particular issue.
3. Continue to frustrate yourself and annoy your spouse by repeating the comment.

Assuming you choose the middle ground (#2), here’s how it works. Simply choose one annoying habit that your spouse does and decide that you will never again nag him or her about it. This has nothing to do with the rightness or wrongness of your spouse’s action or your continuing desire for the irritating behavior to cease. It just means you’ve let go of the job of complainer/corrector on this one issue. Although this exercise can be done at any time of year, you may find that Lent is a fitting time to start giving up a pet peeve for the sake of the marriage. You can tell your spouse of your decision – once – if you like.

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For Families
THE MYSTERY OF GROWTH
Adapted from Just Family Nights

Note to Parent(s): The primary activity for this Family Night is a long range project of watching a garden grow. For those who just can't wait, Option 2 provides more immediate results.

PREPARATION:
• paper and crayons or markers
• garden tools
• paper for mapping out the garden
• calendar
Option 1:
• vegetable seeds (beans are fast-growing)
Option 2:
• seedlings or bedding plants

OPENING:
As a family, make a mini "pilgrimage" to a space prepared for planting. Spend a few moments just quietly looking over the area and imagining what you might plant where and how it might look as it grows. Sing: "The Garden Song" (aka "Inch by Inch, Row by Row"). Return to the gathering place in your home.

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
We're going to start an experiment to find out how things grow best. It'll take quite a while for our study to be complete and it'll take some work. But growth is often like that - slow and often hard.

READING:
Mark 4: 3-9

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Do one or both of the following before actually planting your seeds:

1. Draw a picture.
It's always fun for young children to draw pictures of flowers, trees, the sun, birds, etc. depicting spring. This can be fun for almost any age, even if they're too young to make the flowers look like flowers.

2. Make a map of the garden.
While little children are drawing, parents and older children can plot on paper where things will be planted. Allot two rows for your special experiment seeds. It helps develop some understanding of planning, choices, how things fit in relation to each other. Young children can decorate the borders, or glue pictures of what's planted, etc. Older children can make the whole thing. The maps can make colorful wall hangings in the kitchen, on the refrigerator, or in their bedroom.

OPTION 1:
Plant your experimental seeds according to the following directions:
Row 1: Plant according to directions on package
Row 2: Plant simply by scattering the seeds on top of the soil in this row and perhaps putting a few seeds loosely under a small amount of dirt.

When the planting is complete discuss the plan for the rest of the experiment:
• Let the seeds grow. Check them daily.
• See that the first row is watered according to the instructions if there is not enough rainfall. Do   ;  ;  ;not water the second row. It should depend solely on rainfall.
• Monitor and record on a calendar when and how the beans begin to grow.
• After the beans have begun to grow two or three inches,
  ;  ;  ;a. transplant some of beans by carelessly pulling them up and putting them in another location.
    ;b. take some other seedlings and dig them up carefully and transplant them in a location that         ;has been prepared to receive them.
• Continue to monitor and record the growth of all the bean plants for the remainder of the growing     ;season and note the different results.

OPTION 2:
IMMEDIATE RESULTS ACTIVITY (for those who just can't wait.)
Plant seedlings that are already growing. You could also plant seeds at the same time and see how long it takes the seeds planted to catch up with the seedlings.

FOLLOW - UP ACTIVITY AND DISCUSSION:
Later in the summer, after you can see some differentiation in plant growth, the family could either have a follow-up Family Night or more informally discuss the differences in growth.
For example:
Look around your own city, town, state and other parts of the world. Note the similarities to the two rows of beans. People who are not properly cared for or nurtured from pre-natal care through their growing years suffer similar fates, i.e. there may be some who make it, but most never grow and develop into the healthy, productive people they could have been.

Similarly, people who may have started out with the proper care and nurturing, but then are uprooted recklessly without regard to their health and well-being also have a harder time becoming healthy, productive citizens. However, those who are uprooted, but carefully transplanted and properly nurtured thereafter may lag in development, but are still able to overcome the trauma they suffered.

TREAT:
Ideally have something homegrown. If nothing is ready buy some fruit at a farmer’s market.

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.

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For Families
MY GRANDMA'S GRANDMA
Adapted from Just Family Nights

In some families one or more members may not be aware of their national origin due to adoption, slavery, or a mixed background. In this case, choose a likely or favorite country to adopt and explore its culture.

PREPARATION:
•Several candles
•Mementos of your own family's heritage (i.e. songs, clothes, pictures, artifacts, food, etc.)
•A list of the last several generations of your family
OPTIONAL
• Invite the oldest relatives you have living nearby to join you.
• Borrow from library:
The Relatives Came, Cynthia Rylant - Bradybury Press, 1985, ages 3-9.
The Keeping Quilt, Patricia Polacco - Simon and Shuster, 1988, ages 5-10.

OPENING:
Light a candle.

READING:
Matthew 1:2-16 (Summarize if the genealogy is too long to keep the attention of the children.)
OR
The Relatives Came or The Keeping Quilt

Ask each person to quietly think of their own grandparents (or, if they can remember, their great grandparents). Picture what they look like. Are there any typical sayings you associate with them?

PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Tonight we're going to take a step back in time and try to get a taste of what it might have been like to live 100 or more years ago - about the time when "my grandma's grandma" was a child. To get back to that time we're going to work our way back generation by generation. Hopefully, we will not only experience what life was like in a more primitive time, but also learn some of the unique heritage and customs of the countries from which our ancestors came.

FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. If you don't already have a chart of your family tree, make a simple one. Talk about each individual as you put his/her name down.
• Are there any interesting family stories about their lives, idiosyncrasies, sayings, values, personalities, etc.?
• Are there any physical resemblances to particular relatives?
This exercise will probably take you back to somewhere between 1850 and 1900.

2. To complete your travel backward through time, transform your home into a typical 1850 - 1900 dwelling. If you know the kind of life circumstances particular ancestors were living in at that time, try to approximate them. If not, use the following guidelines:
• No computers or compact discs, DVD’s, I-Pods (not common until 1990's)
• No VCR's, microwaves, or video games (not common until 1980's)
• No cassette tape recorders (not common until 1970's)
• No T.V.s (not common until 1950's)
Now it gets a little harder:
• No talking movies (not common until 1930's)
• No automobiles (not common until 1920's)
• No refrigerators (not common until 1920's)
• No electric stoves (not common until 1910's)
• No indoor plumbing (not common until 1910's)
• No electric lights, telephone, phonograph, or anything run by electricity (not common until 1900's)
NOTE TO LEADER:
A list of inventions with dates can be found in The World Almanac under Science & Technology.

3. Decide as a family how far you would like to go back in time. (I recommend a pre-light bulb decade for greatest effect.) Then take a slow walk together through every room in your home. At each room pause and take stock of what would be different in the time you selected. What items weren't invented yet? What items would look different? As you leave each room turn off anything that would not have been common. When you get to the final room (probably the living room) settle in for an evening in your time warp. Assuming you have chosen a time before 1900 (when electric lighting was not common) you will need to place candles in several secure places. If you have a fireplace it would be nice to contemplate what it would be like for this to be your primary means of heating and cooking.

4. Spend the remainder of the evening exploring your ethnic heritage, being as faithful as possible to the lifestyle of your decade.
A. Parents or grandparents may describe ethnic artifacts and talk about their use or meaning. (Examples: Irish lace, German beer steins, Ukrainian Easter eggs, African ivory, etc.)
B. Tell stories about what life was like in the "old country", or at least a generation or two ago in your own country.
C. Ethnic songs could be sung. (Remember that records and tapes were not invented yet, much less CD’s.)

TEEN ADAPTATION:
In exploring the family's heritage teens may delve into issues like:
• What are some stereotypes of people from your ancestral country? (Examples: Latin lovers, stubborn Germans, stoic Slavs, alcoholic Irish, dumb Dutchman, Polish bowlers, sly Chinese, shrewd Jewish)
• How do you feel about these generalizations?
• Is there any truth to them?
• What are some positive characteristics for which your nationality is known?

Activities are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.

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For Couples
THE PINCH

It takes a lot of pinches to cause a bruise. Usually a little, one time, pinch does little harm, but the accumulation of many pinches irritate the skin and leave a mark. And so it is with marriage too. That thoughtless remark or act when repeated –especially once you know it irritates your spouse– can eat away at the relationship. The big marriage breakers (infidelity, addictions, abuse) often have their seeds in the terrible trifles. These build to the point where one partner ends up saying, “I just don’t feel love for you anymore.” Nip the pinches in the bud by:
• Identifying the pinches unique to your relationship
• Gently and lovingly request that your spouse work on eliminating ONE pinch. (One will do for a start. Let the rest go for now.)
• Be willing to eliminate ONE pinch that annoys your spouse.

Following are some examples to get you started:
1. You forget to tell me about an evening meeting.
2. You say you’re just going to check e-mail, but don’t get off the computer for an hour.
3. You talk to me while I’m on the telephone.
4. You talk to me from another room.
5. You leave a mess in the bathroom.
6. You don’t ask me what is wrong when you know that something is bothering me.
7. You make light of a problem I tell you about.
8. You leave the gas tank empty in the car.
9. You come home from work and are irritable with the children because you are tired.
10. You remind me of something stupid I did in the past.
11. You are often not ready on time.
12. You sometimes pay more attention to the newspaper and TV that to me.
13. You repeat something I’ve told you in confidence.
14. You sometimes don’t listen to me when I am talking.
15. You forget to do something I’ve asked you to do.
16. You start a job but you don’t finish it.
17. You tease me about my cooking in front of others.
18. You keep putting off that weekend alone you promised.
19. You drank the last coke or ate the last Klondike bar.
20. You let the kids eat all my peanuts.
By Marcy and Ralph Reed, Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment (ACME) lead couple
Adapted and used with permission

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For Parents
A SUMMER JOB JAR

In the summer most families welcome a more relaxed schedule. As vacation starts for most students, however, it doesn’t take long before “I don’t have anything to do” becomes an all too frequent refrain. One summer sanity strategy that I wish I had started earlier is a “summer job jar.”
I’d think up about 50 simple jobs and put each on a strip of colored paper in a jar. Each week day children picked one job to do before dinner. If they didn’t like the first one they could pick another, and delay the original job till later.

I skipped Sundays because that should be a day of rest anyway. I also skipped Saturdays since that was our traditional “clean up your room day” and we might have weekend outings. Put in a few surprise fun things to do also just to keep it interesting.

Most jobs probably shouldn’t take much more than 15 minutes to keep it from being too burdensome although some could be more major. The job jar did not replace regular year round chores like setting the table or feeding the dog. If your child is old enough, brainstorm ideas together.

It’s easier to start a custom like this when children are young and still think you’re the boss, but we started it when our youngest was about 10. It probably worked because his best friend’s family also did it. There’s strength in numbers.

A family outing at the end of summer might be a nice way to celebrate everyones’ work. Here are some possible jobs that you might want to use.
Outdoor jobs:                                           Laundry jobs:
• water the plants                                        • match socks
• mulch                                                         • fold napkins and towels
• weed a section of the garden

Miscellaneous jobs:                               Fun jobs:
• make dessert                                           • play a game with Mom or Dad
• dust a room                                              • tell the family a joke at dinner
• read a story to a younger sibling           • play the piano (or flute, or drums) for the family
• organize a bookshelf
• plan a special grace for dinner
• count all the books in the house

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Humor Your Spouse

Humor adds to our marriage emotional bank account and allows us to tolerate or overlook offenses that might otherwise irritate. Well, OK, they still might annoy us but we’re willing to overlook minor things because of the overall fun and positive experiences we’ve had together. Cultivating humor in marriage is not the same thing as being able to tell a joke. Following are some kinds of humor you might nurture in your marriage. Think of ways that you “humor each other.” If you have any additional ways, let me know and I’ll share the best on this website.


See your spouse with a new eye.


KINDS OF HUMOR:
1. Engaging in fun, lighthearted past-times together.
Examples: playing games or sports together, watching funny movies or TV shows
Question: What are our favorite ways to relax together and have fun?

2. Inside or “running” jokes: Often these have to do with personal foibles that we can turn into jokes rather than continuing to complain.
Example: When finding something I’ve lost, I’ll often say to Jim something like, “How clever of you to hide my credit card back in my wallet.”
Question: What silly thing does my spouse do that I complain about? How can I change this into a lighthearted joke?

3. Exaggeration: Often exaggeration of a problem or fault can turn it into humor.
Example: Well, it could have been worse. You could have broken your arm, never found your way back, lost your purse AND wrecked the car.
or “Could you walk a little faster. I’m not getting enough exercise trying to keep up.”
Question: What trait or quality do you or your spouse have in excess? Play with ridiculous exaggerations of how that could be a boon for your marriage or society if it were multiplied 10 times.

4. Hindsight stories (laughing at yourselves)
Example: Once Jim and I had to wake our 13 year old at midnight to help us take our bedroom door off the hinges because we had locked ourselves INSIDE our bedroom.
Question: What’s your favorite story of a marriage or family mishap that, looking back, you can now laugh at?

5. Pranks/Surprises: These can backfire. Be careful.
Example: “Honey, the babysitter just called and said she had to cancel for tonight. I’m afraid we’ll have to cancel our dinner reservations for our anniversary. Maybe we could just put the baby in the car and take a leisurely drive in the country. He’ll fall asleep and we can talk.” You then drive to a relative’s house who agreed to watch the baby for the weekend while you have a get-away at a resort (or even at home).
Question: Have you ever tried a prank or surprise that backfired? Now you have a hindsight story to laugh about.

WHEN HUMOR HURTS:
Not all humor is funny to a spouse. Be careful about making fun of your spouse’s weight, haircut, pregnancy, or making fun of your spouse in front of others or behind his/her back.
Example: It’s tempting when out with the guys or gals to join in a round of “Can you believe that “x” tried to put air in the car tires by blowing into the tire valve!”
Question: What topic is my spouse sensitive about and I should avoid? Check it out.

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For Parents
Bless Your Child Today

"God bless you" is not just for sneezes. Bless your child today. If you think blessings can only come from ordained ministers consider yourself the “minister of parenthood.” Blessings can take many forms but the most natural (and simplest) one for ministers of the home are not formal prayers but prayers from the heart. Perhaps use the simple: