For
Families
CAN
YOU EAT ON $4.50/DAY?
$4.50/day (or $31.50/wk.)
is the average food stamp allotment for about 49 million
Americans. Could you do it? I’m pretty frugal
and my husband (who does the cooking in our family)
is a careful and health conscious grocery shopper. We
decided to try to do it as part of the National
Food Stamp Challenge. I am passing the
challenge on to my readers. We’re going to start
on Ash Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2012. Our goal is to do it
for all of Lent, but I’m not willing to sacrifice
my health for an awareness raising experience. It may
be that we only do it for a week if we find it insane
and unhealthy to continue. Here are some preliminary
questions that we will need to address:
1. Can we supplement with food that we already
have stored in the house?
Hmmm, probably not (or only minimally
with staples like flour, sugar, and salt), if it is
to be a true
experience.
2. What about eating out?
That would probably blow the budget
in one meal.
3. What if people bring us food, invite us over
for dinner, or offer a snack at a meeting?
We’ll have to find a way to
calculate that in.
4. What about eating while traveling?
Eating is so much less expensive
when you cook it at home.
5. What about economy of scale?
Cooking for two means we have $9/day
to spend. Cooking for six means we have $27. Food
goes further when you can buy in
bulk.
Lent may be too long. Heck, we may find that one week
is too long – or too complicated to keep track
of food expenditures. For an ordinary family it may
be enough to try it for one day. Whatever you do, it
will be enough if your heart and wallet become more
open to the reality of our fellow Americans –
and those are just our neighbors close to home. Let
me know if you try it.
Follow my blog
or Twitter
for weekly (sometimes daily) updates starting February
15.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
DO
YOU OPERATE IN DIFFERENT MARITAL TIME ZONES?
1. When I’m
behind a slower driver:
A. I relax. I’m in no hurry
B. I feel sympathetic since I assume
the driver is elderly, cautious, or lost.
C. I feel irritated and pass as quickly
as I can, even on the right side.
2. When leaving
for a party:
A. I’m relaxed but I’m
also late. It doesn’t bother me. Does it bother
others? That’s their problem. Life’s too
short to hurry.
B. I’m always ready ahead of
time and leave 5-10 minutes early in case there’s
heavy traffic or bad weather.
C. I’m more or less ready when
we agreed to leave but in no hurry since parties are
not meant to start at a precise time. (Let’s assume
this is not a surprise party.)
D. I have good intentions to leave
on time, but generally find myself scurrying around
at the last minute while my spouse waits impatiently
at the door (or worse, in the car).
E. Both of us are frantically racing
at the last minute and our friends have taken to telling
us parties start an hour before the actual time.
3. When watching TV or some other mindless
activity:
A. I relax and enjoy the down time.
B. I schedule screen time so it doesn’t
interfere with work or other priorities.
C. I make sure I can multitask (fold
laundry, nurse a baby, knit, etc.) at the same time.
D. I never watch scheduled TV. I
tape or TIVO everything so I can skip thru commercials.
When I do watch TV I multitask and check e-mail during
the slow parts.
4. When on a car trip, but not doing the
driving:
A. I chat and enjoy the scenery.
B. I nap to prevent being tired later.
C. I’m busy taking care of children’s
needs or navigating for the driver.
D. I make cell phone calls, work on my laptop, check
traffic reports, or listen to NPR to maximize my time.
E. I do almost all of the “D” items at
the same time.
5. When leaving
to catch a plane:
A. I pack the night before, leave plenty of time to
get to the airport (accounting for the possibility of
an unseasonable blizzard in July), and plan to arrive
more than one hour before flight time.
B. My philosophy is JIT (just in time). I calculate
when I need to leave for the airport in order to be
there one hour ahead of time. (Glitches hardly ever
happen anyway and I don’t like to waste time waiting.)
C. I’m usually hectically gathering my stuff and
doing last minute chores until I must leave. Then I
search for my car keys, call my cell phone to find out
where I last put it (It vibrates in my pocket.) and
rush to the airport.
D. I consider being at the airport an hour early a waste
of valuable time. Sure, I cut it close and have been
known to miss a flight, but life is an adventure. When
on the plane, I always have my trusty laptop to catch
up on work.
6. When waiting
in line (at the supermarket, the bank, a bus stop or
metro, etc.)
A. I’m bored.
B. I’m fine. I figure waiting
time is praying time.
C. I fidget and feel annoyed with people who dally,
chit chat, or have more than 10 items in the quick checkout
line.
D. I try to calculate the fastest line, switch back
and forth if necessary or just leave and decide to do
my errands at a less busy time.
SCORING:
A answers = 1 point
B answers = 2 points
C answers = 3 points
D answers = 4 points
E answers = 5 points
6-12 points:
You’re either very laid back or very cautious.
Unless your spouse has a similar style, you may be causing
each other stress. Look for compromises.
13-19 points: Your timing may not always
be perfect, but at least you’re in the sane and
practical range.
20-25 points: Whoa! If not headed for
a heart attack, you’re at least headed to stress
your spouse and miss smelling the roses. If your spouse
has a significantly lower score, you might also head
for counseling.
*The
term spouse is used for simplicity. If you are dating
or engaged just substitute boy/girl friend or fiancé/fiancée.
BACK TO TOP
For
Families
TECHNOLOGY
TIPS FOR FAMILIES
Technology like computers,
cell phones, and other electronic devices can be both
a blessing and a curse. How you use these modern conveniences
is a challenge for families and requires honest discussion
and family rules. Following are issues that parents
and children should talk about in designing your family’s
unique policy for using technology.
1. Computer Time limits
Computers and the internet can certainly help with school
or jobs. Too much recreational time looking at a screen,
however, robs us of human interaction, physical activity,
and contemplation that are good for mind, body, and
soul.
2. Computer location
Computers that children use should be in a common area
– not their bedrooms.
3. Social networking (Facebook, Twitter, blogging,
Linked In, etc.)
• The minimum age to be on Facebook is 13. (You
can lie about your age but remember that others may
be lying about who they are too.)
• Anonymity can prompt people to lie and be ruder
than they would be in person.
• Think before you post. Would you want your grandmother,
a college admissions officer, or a future employer to
read it? You can’t take it back.
• Is social networking depriving you of face-to-face
human interaction? A computer can’t hug you back.
• Don’t play with strangers. Children should
know not to give out identifying information (name,
age, address, school, etc.)
• Parents, help your child set up any social networking
site, be your child’s “First Friend. Insist
on knowing any passwords. Periodically check in.
4. Cell phones can be a valuable safety tool
and are great for keeping in touch, BUT families need
to decide:
• At what age should a child be allowed to get
a cell phone for calls/texting?
• Data plans (like those on smart phones) are
not appropriate for children. It’s not necessary
for safety.
• Who pays for the phone?
• Talking on the phone or playing games should
not trump the live people around you. No phones at meals,
while having a face-to-face conversation, or after bedtime.
5. Everything else (TVs, DVDs, video games,
movies, music)
The rule of thumb for use of most technology it that
it should:
• Be respectful
• Not substitute for healthy human interaction
• Not be a time hog
• Not pre-empt outdoor or physical activity
• Not break the bank
Note to parents:
The bottom line for healthy use of technology in the
family is that you have to know your child. Some children
need strict rules while others have earned your trust
over the years. Educate your child about the dangers
of the internet and be a partner with your child in
developing family rules. Become tech savvy enough yourself
that you know how to set “Parental Controls,”
know how to check website history, and use a filter
if warranted. No technology, however, can substitute
for a healthy relationship with your child. Kids can
get around anything if they really want to. Check www.netsmartz.org
for more depth.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
I'M
DREAMING OF A STRESS-LESS CHRISTMAS
The time leading up to
Christmas (Advent) can be a time of reflectiveness and
joy, but our expectations (and those of our family and
culture) can also leave us physically stressed, emotionally
exhausted, and in adversarial relationships with the ones
we love most. With some forethought, however, couples
can minimize stress and experience the time both before
and after Christmas as a time for strengthening family
relationships.
Consider the following suggestions, then talk to your
spouse and agree on a plan. Keep expectations realistic.
What limits do you want to set on the time, money, and
energy you spend?
1. Invite other family members to participate
in decisions affecting them? (For example, don’t
just declare that this year we’ll draw names for
gift-giving or presume that everyone will gather at your
home for the main Christmas meal.
2. Which Christmas rituals from your family of
origin do you want to continue? Which from your
spouse’s family? Are there new ones you’d
like to create?
3. List two things you could do to make your spouse
feel less stressed and more loved.
4. What gift would your spouse really appreciate?
It need not cost money. Perhaps a gift of time (like a
coupon to teach computer skills or take over a dreaded
chore) would me more meaningful than another sweater.
Best to agree that you’re both going to do a “creative
gift” ahead of time, however, lest it backfire.
5. Are there any holiday triggers that
have caused problems in the past? Consider overuse of
alcohol, feeling pressure to prepare a special meal, keep
the house clean, put up decorations, money worries. Share
the concern and plan a way to deal with the potential
problem.
6. Share the burden of preparing for
Christmas. Which jobs do each of you like to do? Which
do neither of you like doing? Can some be eliminated and
the others shared.
7. Is there a lonely person you could
invite to share the season with you?
8. If you visit relatives, what behavior patterns
that cause stress should be avoided?
9. Decide how much money you want to
spend on gifts and celebrating. In the true spirit of
Christmas, consider making one of your gifts a donation
to a worthy cause. (For example, our own family has decided
to sponsor a partial scholarship to those graduating from
our children’s high school.)
10. Give yourself a time-out. It may
be a quiet evening when you agree not to talk about Christmas
preparations and just rest in the Advent season of waiting,
or simply a pause before dinner when you light an Advent
candle and sit in the dark for a moment.
BACK TO TOP
For
Parents
DEALING
WITH FEARS
Fears, anger, and feeling
overwhelmed are negative emotions that can paralyze both
adults and children. First, consider whether the fear
is imaginary or real.
1. Imaginary or exaggerated fears
If it is simply your imagination stirring up fantasy fears
or unfounded anger, talk yourself down
from your emotional overkill.
• “This is not likely to happen and I can’t
do anything to change it anyway.” Repeat.
• Then force yourself to think of something else
that’s happier or takes some mental energy like
solving a computer problem, practicing a foreign language,
praying.
• Give children factual information and a comfort
toy to focus on. For example, if they are afraid of the
dark use a night light.
• Sometimes it helps to exaggerate the fear so that
it is comical and everyone can laugh at it.
2. Real fears and justified anger
If it is a fear grounded in reality or an anger prompted
by a genuine injustice, take action.
• Taking an action step to fix a problem helps us
feel more in control. For example, if you’re afraid
that global warming will damage the environment for your
children’s children, get involved in an advocacy
group or at least recycle and drive a fuel efficient car.
If you are angry at a politician, work for a candidate
you can support or at least donate some money. If you
are afraid of economic insecurity, reduce your consumption
and structure your job search so you are doing at least
one action toward getting a job each day
• If children are afraid of a bully, help them learn
self-defense. This might be learning to talk their way
out of a dangerous situation, building self-confidence
by taking a martial arts class, changing a friendship
group, or rearranging the route to school. Talking to
school officials about a serious problem can show your
child you care and that others are on their side.
• If children are afraid of generalized violence
like terrorism, assure them that such extreme dangers
are rare, BUT if some tragedy would happen you have confidence
that they have the courage inside them to face it. Then
point out to them small times they have acted courageously
and that you have confidence that your family could recover.
3. Fear and anger can be our friends
– not welcome friends, but necessary ones. Often
these emotions alert us to bad situations that need to
be faced and not just avoided. ACTION is the best antidote.
4. “In the face
of escalating violence, let us escalate love.” Our
friend, Jim McGinnis coined this phrase as a way to deal
with the evil, fear, and problems that surround us. They
are good words to live and die by.
BACK TO
TOP
For
Families
LIVING
WITH LESS - BUT ENJOYING IT MORE
1. What is your most prized
non-human possession?
2. How does it bring you joy?
3. Be grateful
4. What’s your spending
personality?
Frugal
Spendthrift
1
2 3
4 5
6 7
8 9
10
Thoughts to ponder:
We make ourselves rich by making our wants few. –Henry
David Thoreau
We’ve discovered
that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy
our longing for meaning. –Jimmy Carter, 1979
If you keep your food in a refrigerator, your
clothes in a closet; if you have a bed to sleep in, and
a roof over your head, you are richer than 75% of the
people in the world” –The
Miniature Earth.
When someone steals another’s clothes we call
him a thief. Would we not give the same name to one who
could clothe the naked and does not? The bread in your
cupboard belongs to the hungry; The coat hanging unused
in your closet belongs to the person who needs it; The
shoes rotting in your closet belong to the person who
has no shoes; The money which you hoard up belongs to
the poor. –St. Basil the Great, Bishop of Caesarea,
c. 365
Decision Time
1. What can I (we) live without? http://pewresearch.org/assets/social/pdf/Luxury.pdf
Car Washer/Dryer A/C
Microwave TV Computer
Cell Phone Dishwasher
Other
2. Is it better to save the earth or to save money?
What would you be willing to pay a higher
price for because it’s better for humanity or the
earth?
3. Is there one thing I am willing to give away this week
because someone else needs it more
than I do? ___________________________
4. Would any (all) of us be willing to limit our spending
for a day, week, or month (or during Lent)
to help people who have less than
us?
If so, how will we do it and what cause
will we give the money to?
Resources on consumerism
• Surviving Hard Economic Times by Jim
& Susan Vogt, Every
Day Catholic, March, 2009
• Lent – Have You Given Up on Giving Up?
by Susan Vogt, Every
Day Catholic, Feb., 2011
• Money in the Kingdom of God by Susan
Vogt, Word
Among Us Press. Bible study to be
published Fall
of 2011. (800) 775-9673
BACK TO
TOP
For
Couples
COUPLE'S
SCAVENGER HUNT
Home based for one
couple:
1. Something alive, besides you
2. Something hidden
3. A book or pamphlet on marriage
4. A plant that needs water
5. A word of wisdom
He: ___________________________________________________________________
She: ___________________________________________________________________
6. Something new about my spouse
that I didn't know before:
He: ___________________________________________________________________
She:___________________________________________________________________
7. A fond memory of a special
time together:
He: ____________________________________________________________________
She ____________________________________________________________________
8. A scripture about love or
marriage (The Biblically challenged may want to Google
marriage/scripture.)
He: _____________________________________________________________________
She _____________________________________________________________________
9. A wedding memory
He: _____________________________________________________________________
She: _____________________________________________________________________
Community based for a group of couples:
1. Something from a favorite date place
2. Water (to refresh &
renew you) in an earth friendly reusable container
3. A snack (or insight about
marriage) to share when you get back to Scavenger Central
4. Something from nature that
reminds you of your love
5. Sporting equipment from
an activity that you enjoy doing together
6. Find a cemetery. Walk through
it. Note name & date of a tombstone. ______________
7. A scripture about love or
marriage (The Biblically challenged may want to Google
marriage/scripture.)
8. A book or pamphlet on marriage.
BACK TO
TOP
For
Couples
3
THINGS EXERCISE
A super easy way to take stock
of your marriage
Respond
to the questions below individually and then discuss your
responses with your spouse. Be honest and “speak
for yourself.” Don’t presume what your partner
will say or try to guess the "best" answer.
This isn’t a guessing game but a chance to take
yet another step toward deepening conversation and growth
in your marriage. Writing your thoughts down helps.
1. Three things about my marriage that I like very much:
2. Three things about my marriage that I think could be
better:
3. Three specific things that I personally could do to
improve our relationship:
With permission from: Better Marriages,
P. O. Box 21374, Winston-Salem, NC 27120 • Phone
336-724-1526 • www.bettermarriages.org © Copyright
BACK TO
TOP
For
Families
NEW
YEAR'S PEACE (and Quiet?)
Adapted from Just
Family Nights
By the
time New Year's Eve comes many families welcome the opportunity
to stay at home and relax from hectic holiday activities.
This Family Night may take place on New Year's Eve as
an alternative to going out to parties. New Year's Eve
also provides a longer stretch of time for the "game-a-rama"
option. New Year's Day, or another time within the holiday
vacation time, would also work.
PREPARATION:
1. Book Option:
• Pens, pencils, crayons, or markers
• Six sheets of paper for each family member (to
make a booklet) Put one of the following statements on
each paper.
#1 The happiest time for me during this past year
was...
#2 A regret (sadness) about something I did last
year is...
#3 One way I could be more at peace with myself
during this next year is...
#4 One way I could be more at peace with my family
during this next year is...
#5 One way our family could be a peacemaker in our
neighborhood this next year is...
#6 One way our family could contribute to world
peace this next year is...
• Stapler or hole punch
2. Countdown Option:
• Calculate the beginning time based on 3, 6, or
12 hours before midnight.
• Sheets #1 and #2 from above
• 12 slips of paper with a different month on each,
i.e. sticky notes
• Noisemakers (bells, whistles, pots and pans, etc.)
3. Game-a-Rama Option:
• Sheets #1 and #2 from above
• Each family member chooses a game or activity
for the family.
OPENING:
Gather around a table. Light a candle as a reminder of
God's presence and to emphasize the specialness of the
time together. The leader then passes out the first two
prepared sheets of paper and asks each member to think
silently about how they would answer these two questions.
Next, ask each person to write or draw their response
on the appropriate sheet. Discuss your responses briefly.
Choose one or more of the
following:
1. BOOK OPTION
We've just finished remembering some good and difficult
things about the year we are leaving behind, now we turn
to greet the new year. Often people make promises (resolutions)
about ways they want to become better people at this time
of year. Also, often, these promises are quickly forgotten
because change is hard. Tonight we're each going to make
a personal book of resolutions for the new year. Having
something on paper will help us remember our promises.
Also, some of the resolutions may be actions that our
family does together, so we'll be able to help each other.
Although resolutions could be about anything that would
make each of us a better person. New Year's Day is also
widely celebrated as a day of prayer for world peace.
This year, let's focus our promises on peace.
Reading: Colossians
4:12-15 or Colossians 3:10
Family Response:
• Pass out sheets #3 and #4. Give a brief example,
then have members write or draw the resolutions they want
to make for #3 and #4 on the appropriate sheets.
• Pass out sheets #5 and #6. Give a brief example,
then have members write or draw the resolutions they want
to make for #5 and #6 on the appropriate sheets. After
discussion, hopefully the family can decide on joint actions
for #5 and #6. Decide what steps it would take to carry
out your decision and when you can do it.
• Combine your sheets to make a book for each person.
Staple or punch holes to attach pages. Make a cover and
decorate it with symbols of peace (doves, rainbows, etc.)
Agree on a place in your home to display the books so
that they can be a reminder of your resolutions.
NOTE TO LEADER: Since resolutions, by their nature,
are often well intentioned but easy to forget, follow-up
is helpful. Perhaps the first day of each month at a common
meal could be a handy time to check in with each other
about how the family is moving toward fulfilling the resolutions.
2. COUNTDOWN OPTION
Tonight we're going to use noise as a way to call us to
remember important events that happened to our family
during this past year. Noise is often seen as the opposite
of peace as in, "I want some peace and quiet."
Noise need not always be negative, however. Tonight, we'll
make some joyful and happy noises of remembering.
This option needs the Family
Night to span at least three (and up to twelve) hours.
Put sticky notes marking the 12 months of the year next
to each hour on a clock. (If done in an abbreviated form,
every 15 or 30 minutes could equal a month.) Choose a
family member for each month. At the appointed time on
the clock, the "January person" rings their
noisemaker and calls everyone to interrupt whatever they
are doing to come to a central spot. The family then calls
to mind significant things that happened to them during
that month. (Have the family calendar handy to prompt
memories.) When this reminiscing has run its course, family
members return to whatever they were doing until the next
month's noisemaker calls them back. If the family will
be staying up late, plan the intervals so that December's
noisemaker rings at midnight.
3. GAME-A-RAMA OPTION
Decide how much time the family wants to spend playing
together. Divide this time by the number of people in
the family. Each person then gets to choose a game or
activity they would like the family to do during their
portion of the time. Agree that no request is too silly
or dumb and that everyone home will participate. If this
"game-a-rama" goes until midnight on New Year's
Eve, celebrate with noisemakers. Sing "Auld Lang
Syne" if your family is the nostalgic kind.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
HOW
WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE'S PAST?
Do you know your spouse’s:*
1. Mother’s maiden name?
2. Favorite pet as a child?
3. Names of three high school friends?
4. Name of first boyfriend or girlfriend (who of course
was not nearly as attractive, intelligent,
and funny as you)?
5. Siblings’ birthdays?
6. Parents typically handled disagreements?
7. Favorite childhood TV program or movie?
8. Award(s) received in grade school or high school?
9. Way of being disciplined as a child?
10. Mode of transportation to elementary school? (bus,
car pool, parents, home schooled…)
11. Allowance as a child and what it covered?
12. Way of learning about sex as a child?
13. First memorized prayer?
14. Opinion about his/her religious education or lack
thereof?
15. Favorite childhood hero or saint?
16. Family’s black sheep and why?
17. Grandparents’ cause of death? (or great grandparents'
if more appropriate)
18. Family’s medical history, especially diseases
that have genetic roots?
19. Favorite childhood book?
20. Favorite teacher? Why?
*The
term spouse is used for simplicity. If you are dating
or engaged, substitute boy/girl friend or fiancé/fiancée.
Although it can be fun to check
how well you know trivia about your spouse’s past,
knowing about your spouse’s family of origin (parents,
siblings, relatives) can also be serious stuff. It can
give you insight as to why he or she has certain habits
or strong belief’s. The past does not determine
the future but it can help you understand the present,
and perhaps shorten some arguments.
SCORING:
15-20 correct: You probably know your spouse well and
have open communication about life.
10-14 correct: Have a relaxing evening catching up on
the past and reminiscing.
5- 9 correct: What HAVE you been talking about? Maybe
it’s deep stuff about solving the world problems,
or maybe you just need to talk more. If you’re not
yet married, make sure you know a lot more about each
other before you take this step.
0- 4 correct: OK, presuming you’ve just started
dating, this is fine. If you’ve been together a
long time, you’re in trouble. Is one of you hiding
something or just non communicative.
If your score is significantly different from your spouse’s,
one of you has not shared much about your upbringing.
This may be a cause for concern or just a poor memory.
Check it out.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
THE
HONESTY POLICY
Adapted from Just Family Nights
You will need:
Blindfolds (a long dark sock and large safety pin will
do)
Opening:
Light a candle and quietly ponder the fire as a symbol
of the "Light of Truth."
Presentation of theme:
Both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln - great U.S.
presidents - were known for their honesty. There is the
well-known story of how George Washington cut down one
of his father's favorite cherry trees and when asked about
it replied, "I cannot tell a lie. I did it."
(For very young children, act out this legend with puppets.)
Abraham Lincoln was known as "Honest Abe" due
to his reputation for fairness and honesty as a lawyer.
Tonight we're going to explore what it really means to
be honest - the costs and rewards of this virtue.
Family activity:
(Variation on a Trust Walk)
The family divides up into pairs (oldest person with youngest,
next oldest with next youngest, etc.) If there is an uneven
number, one group can include three people. Partners choose
one to be the leader and one to be the follower. The follower
puts a blindfold on and sits down.
Common instructions: The leader
is to gently and carefully lead the other around the home
or outside. The leader's job is to introduce his/her partner
to many interesting and varied objects and sensations
in the environment.
NOTE TO LEADER: At
this point the leader of the session calls aside the lead
partners while the blindfolded partners remain seated.
The leaders are instructed to mis-identify about half
of the objects they have their partner touch., i.e. "This
(rock) is a ball. This (apple) is an orange."
When all return, the overall
leader guides discussion along the following points:
What did it feel like being blind? Did you feel safe?
Did you trust your leader?
What did it feel like to be the leader and to have the
responsibility for your partner's safety?
If you were blindfolded, were you aware that you were
being lied to? If you were, how did that make you feel
about your partner?
If you were the leader, how did you feel, knowingly telling
an untruth? Was it hard?
NOTE TO LEADER: Make sure that
very young children are told that the only reason the
leader was allowed to lie was that this was the direction
given only for this pretend exercise so that
we could learn the difference between truth and lies.
In real life, lies and dishonesty are wrong.
Lies are wrong, not only because
they are untrue, but also because they hurt people and
relationships. It's hard to trust a person who's lied
to you. Has that ever happened to any of us?
Even though lying is hurtful
and wrong, most people have been tempted not to tell the
whole truth at least once. Usually, that's because we're
afraid. We're afraid that we'll get punished or someone
won't like us if we tell the truth. The truth is that
in the long run we will get in bigger trouble and people
will like us even less if they know they can't trust us
to tell the truth. For example, if I lied about stealing
some money from my boss, not only would I have to pay
the money back, but I would probably lose my job too.
Bring closure to the session
by asking each leader to briefly take his/her partner
back to the objects that were mis-identified (as much
as s/he can remember) and correct the lies.
Related scripture if desired:
John 13:4-5, 12-17
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just
Family Nights. Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin,
IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
ARE
YOU SOUL MATES OR DIVIDED SPIRITS?
Couples don’t
have to belong to the same religion to be compatible spiritually
– but it helps.
Even those who do profess the same faith may have different
degrees of commitment. Knowing what your deepest beliefs
are and how your spouse is similar or different, however,
is the start of becoming soul-mates.
Mark Yes, No,
or Unsure for the answer that best fits you . Then star
anothre Yes, No, or Unsure for the answer you think fits
your spouse or fiancé(é).
Have your partner do the same. See how well you know each
other and where potential tension resides. Then talk.
Yes No Unsure
1. I believe in God.
2. I believe
that Jesus Christ is God.
3. I believe
that Alah is God and there is no other.
4. I don’t
believe in a specific God but embrace a spiritual dimension
of life.
5. I was raised
in a religious home.
6. Organized
religion is important to me.
7. I think it
is important to follow as many practices of my faith as
is humanly possible.
8. I think it
is more important to follow the spirit of the law than
it’s details.
9. I believe
in miracles, grace, and a loving God.
10. I believe
that there is sin and evil in the world and that God will
punish transgressors.
11. I believe
in an afterlife.
12. I find support
and solace in prayer.
13. Good music
at church, synagogue, or mosque is important to me.
14. Inspirational
preaching is important to me.
15. Going to
church/synagogue/mosque is a sign of neediness and a weak
mind.
16. I see God
in nature and the goodness of other people.
17. I’m
turned off by the hypocrisy of some institutionalized
religions.
18. I believe
that working for a more just and caring society is an
essential part of religion.
19. I believe
that working for a more just and caring society is a worthy
substitute for religion.
20. The “Golden
Rule” is all one needs.
21. I wish my
spouse was more (or less) religious.
22. My spouse
and I regularly go to church/synagogue/mosque together.
23. My spouse
and I pray at home together.
Bonus
questions:
The best way to spend Sunday morning is __________
If my spouse
and I have a difference of opinion about religion, it
would be ____________
Scoring:
Total the number of questions on which both of you agree.
If you agree on:
11-23 questions – You’re of similar religious
thinking and perhaps in the same pew.
6-10 questions – You may be avoiding religious issues
or are in conflict over basic beliefs. You have a lot
of discussion ahead of you.
0-5 questions – Religion may not be very important
to you, but if it is, consider attending a marriage retreat
together or talking with a pastoral counselor.
For further
resources on pursuing a spiritual life together see www.ForYourMarriage.org.
BACK
TO TOP
TECHNOLOGY
TIPS & TRAPS for COUPLES
Marriage has been around for a long time, but just as
there are new perils from modern technology, we can use
these same tools to strengthen it. First the perils. Did
you know that:
• 30% of married
people deceptively use online dating sites.
• Pornography
is more accessible than ever through the internet.
• Using a computer
or surfing the net – even for valid purposes –
can rob a couple of valuable face time and create an internet
widow(er).
BUT, did you also know that:
• 70% of couples
who both own cell phones, contact each other once a day
or more, compared to 54% of couples who have only one
or no cell phone.
• Telecommuting
allows some spouses to work at home – at least some
of the time – thus easing the struggle to balance
work and home responsibilities.
• Purchases,
errands, and research that used to take a lot of time
driving around town, can now be done electronically thus
saving time that can be spent loving each other better
and caring for our neighbors.
With technology bringing us such a mixed bag, take time
to evaluate how you use the new tools that are now available.
Here’s a self-assessment inventory to get you started.
Cell phones:
1. Do we use cell phones primarily for:
• Safety –
Help, the car just broke down.
• Convenience
– Honey, would you pick up some toilet paper
on the way home.
• Connecting
– Just want you to know I’m thinking of
you while on this Hawaiian business trip
• Information
– Where is the nearest gas station?
• Business
– I’ll be arriving at your home to fix
the refrigerator in the next 20 minutes.
2. Are we happy with the way we use our
cell phone(s)?
3. Do we practice cell phone courtesy,
i.e., not answering a call when talking to someone in
person, silencing the phone when in a meeting, church,
or public event, not annoying others on public transportation?
4. Do we practice cell phone safety,
i.e., not talking or texting while driving?
5. Are we happy with the amount of money
we spend on cell phone service?
Computers and the Internet
1. Are we satisfied with the location
of the computer(s) in our home and the amount of time
that each of us spends on the computer?
2. How has the computer/internet been
a benefit to our relationship? Has it ever been a bone
of contention?
3. What do we consider appropriate or
inappropriate computer/internet use? Are chat rooms OK?
If an old girl/boy friend ever contacted one of us, how
should we handle it? Are computer games stealing time
from our relationship? Are any sites off limits?
4. Trusting relationships are built on
transparency. Do we know each other’s user name
and passwords for various accounts? Do we have an understanding
that it would be fine for either spouse to browse through
the other’s computer?
5. Some couples use a photo of their
spouse or family as a screen saver at work. Not only does
this remind you of each other while you are apart but
makes it clear to co-workers that you value your marriage.
6. Just as families often stay connected
by using services like Skype to communicate with far-flung
children or parents, so spouses can Skype each other when
on business trips.
Social Networking Guidelines
1. On sites like FaceBook, My Space,
Linked-In, etc, set your relationship status to “married.”
2. Share your user name and passwords
3. Don’t make sarcastic or critical
marks about your spouse.
4. Don’t friend ex’s.
5. Don’t let virtual relationships
become more important than the real, live, person you’ve
committed to share your life with.
Let me know if you have further
suggestions. This list is still evolving.
BACK
TO TOP
RULES FOR COMPLAINING
In a perfect world there would
be no need for complaining. In the unlikely instance of
a mistake, perfect people would be self-disciplined enough
to avoid frivolous complaints. I’m not perfect and
my husband and kids get tired of hearing my complaints.
I know it’s better to look at the positive side
of a person or problem than dwell on the negative, but
I often find it hard to refrain from complaining. In my
ongoing effort to tame this vice, I share with you what
I’ve learned so far.
Is complaining ever good? Answer:
Yes.
• When a complaint to a person
or company can bring about needed change
• When voicing a frustration can
relieve tension lest it poison one’s attitude for
the whole day. This venting can make us feel better and
keep us from stewing about a problem.
The trouble comes when complaints become too many, too
often, and too self-destructive.
That’s why I propose the following rules to keep
complaining from taking over our lives.
1. Follow the Rules for Gossip. Is it
true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? (See Gossip:
To Tell the Truth for details.
2. Apply basic communication skills.
If after applying the “Gossip” criteria you
still feel that voicing a complaint is valid, use the
standard interpersonal communication skills.
• Use “I feel” statements,
“I feel upset when you don’t call if you will
be late.” (rather than “You” statements,
“You make me so angry when you don’t come
home on time.”
• Focus on one specific complaint
– not everything that annoys you.
• Keep it in the present. Don’t
bring up the past.
• Offer a solution. “I would
like you to call when you might be late.”
3. Don’t Repeat. At least don’t
repeat a complaint more than twice. The person you are
complaining to probably heard you the first time. They
may not want to change or take action. Repeating a complaint
more than twice doesn’t bring new information, it
simply turns you into a nag. (Exception: When
dealing with defective goods or services, persistence
is proper. See the persistent friend, Luke 11:8) The next
step is to go beyond words to action.
4. Act. Often a complaint or worry can
be diffused by taking action. If you’re concerned
about a political issue, become involved in the political
process, write a letter to the editor, become an agent
of change. Don’t just complain, do something to
fix the problem.
5. Be civil but firm. If your complaint
is about poor service or a faulty product, state your
complaint briefly and clearly but without rancor. Remember
that the person you are talking with isn’t your
enemy and probably not the cause of your problem.
6. Suggest a solution. Rather than just
venting to a customer service person, suggest a solution
such as, “What I would like is a 10% discount because
of the scratch.” or, “I would like you to
pay the postage for returning the defective product and
sending me a new one.”
7. Vent safely and moderately. Sometimes
venting to another person, can be a step in letting a
complaint go, but pick your person carefully and don’t
overuse him or her. I vent to my husband who lets me know
if I’m starting to repeat the same complaint over
and over. If necessary ask someone to be a venting partner.
8. Deflect other’s complaints.
Try using a phrase like, “You might be right”
when someone accuses you of a wrong. Of course, YOU might
be right yourself, but often it’s not worth debating
who left the water running. Just fix it and let go of
blame.
9. Reduce complaining. Find ways to complain
less, e.g. commit to saying two positive statements before
you allow yourself one complaint; or listen to two complaints
from someone else for every complaint you make.
10. Eliminate complaining. Rev. Will
Bowen, a pastor in Kansas City, Mo., asked his congregation
to give up complaining, criticizing, gossiping or using
sarcasm for 21 days – starting with himself. People
were given purple bracelets to remind them of their pledge
and whenever they complained, they had to switch the bracelet
to the opposite wrist and start counting the days from
scratch. It took Rev. Bowen three and a half months to
put together 21 complaint-free days. I’m still counting…but
I’m not complaining.
FAMILY ACTIVITY
• Each member thinks of a common
complaint they have. (You make too much noise when you
eat. You nag me about homework. The traffic is terrible.
People around here don’t know how to drive in snow.
This line is too slow. They don’t make cars, bikes,
toasters, whatever, like they used to.)
• Each person then exaggerates
his or her complaint, violating as many as possible of
the Rules for Complaining, just for fun and to get it
out of your system.
• Next, apply at least two of the
Rules for Complaining to your complaint and test it out
on another family member. The recipient gives you an Olympic
style score between 1 – 10.
Whiner
Improving but still complaining
Winner
1
2 3
4 5
6 7
8 9
10
• If the complaint is against another
family member, the accused person can consider whether
he or she is willing to change the offensive behavior.
It can’t be forced, but it is a gift of love to
try to change a bad habit for the sake of another person.
See The Pinch for ideas.
• For families with
very young children (or whiners):
An intellectual activity like this is likely beyond the
skills of pre-schoolers. Teach your child not to whine
by refusing to respond to whining. Say, “I will
respond to you when you stop whining, crying, screaming,
kicking, etc.” Then wait for the negative action
to stop. You don’t necessarily need to then give
your child what they want, but you can discuss a solution
together.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
BECOMING A GLOBAL
FAMILY
You don't have to get on a plane to become
more worldly.
YOU WILL NEED:
Globe (or map of the world if a globe is not available)
Poster board or large paper
Picture magazines that treat global issues (news magazines,
National Geographic, etc.)
Crayons, markers, scissors.
OPENING:
Invite the family around the kitchen table or other gathering
place. Place the globe and a candle prominently on the
table in the midst of the letters, articles, or other
resources mentioned above. Light the candle and sing a
song like,"He's Got the Whole World in His Hands"
as you pass the globe around the table.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
We are all one human family. Sometimes, however, we become
so wrapped up in what we are doing and our own problems
that we forget we are part of a global family with brothers
and sisters of all races, religions and nationalities.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Make a collage with the faces of people from all over
the world. Title it something like, We Are One Global
Family. Hang it prominently at home or in your church
or school.
TREAT:
Chex or other party mix.
Related Scripture: 1 Corinthians
12:12-13, 26
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Everyone
A DIFFERENT KIND
OF LENT
For people who have tried everything
Traditionally Lent is a time
to take stock of our lives, make changes, simplify, and
do penance. Lenten practices typically range from:
• Giving up candy to giving up complaining
• Praying more to caring more
• Donating money to those in need to accepting with
humility that you are one of those people in need
• and of course going to a fish fry
This Lent is not typical, however, as our country and
world are consumed with the economy. Some have lost jobs,
others may lose theirs. All of us are impacted by the
economic upheaval that is going on around us. Perhaps
this is a Lent that you and your family could ask yourselves
some tough questions about money, spending, and doing
without. For example:
1. What’s my spending personality?
1
2 3
4 5
6 7
8 9
10
Tightwad
Spendthrift
Do I need to reign in my spending or be more
generous?
2. What can I live
without?
Car? Washer/Dryer? A/C? Microwave? TV? Computer? Cell
Phone? Dishwasher? Other?
3. Is it better
to save the earth or to save money?
What would you be willing to pay a higher price for because
it’s better for humanity or the earth?
4. Consider fasting in a new way this Lent:
• Fast from technology one day a week - spend face-to-face
time with someone instead.
• Fast from buying stuff one day a week (food and
gas are allowed)
• Fast from electrity one day a week or fast
from light for an hour March 28 at 8:30p. See how.
• Fast from speed. Try slowing down and not racing
to get things done or to get places quickly.
Spend some quality relationship time with your family
and God.
5. When you're
not fasting from technology, try focussing on:
The "Last
40"
In order to keep our own needs in perspective, try praying
for one of the 40 poorest countries in the world each
day of Lent. The "Last
40" is a resource developed by the Marianists
to make it easy. The feelings you have after reading the
letters from someone in each day's country might not be
so easy.
The "Miniature
Earth"
This inspiring video clip helps us be mindful of our place
in the world.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
A WORLD OF FAITH
OPENING:
If the weather is pleasant, gather outside in a circle
and invite the family to gaze at the sky and contemplate
how all of this came to be.
If the weather is not so comfortable, light a candle and
focus on it as the family ponders the source of life and
power in our world.
Do either of these activities reverently, in silence,
for about one minute.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
It's important to know what you believe. It's also helpful
to understand what other people believe. While we may
be very committed to our own religion and see it as a
positive force in our life, over the centuries, people
have fought wars over whose religion was right. Regardless
of how we personally understand God, it is important to
respect the deeply held religious beliefs that are different
from our own.
Each of the world's major religions
began with a person who believed he or she had been given
Divine Revelation. The founder taught a few people and
they started telling other people. Now each of these religions
has millions of people in the world who seek the Divine,
and use the Holy Book of that religion to guide their
lives.
Each religious tradition seeks
to help its members understand the human experience and
the nature of God. Learning about other religions can
help us recognize what ideas are universal to all people
who seek God, and what are unique and essential characteristics
of our own faith. Maybe as we learn to understand and
respect another’s religion, the differences will
seem less important than the care we have for each other.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. Tie eight knots in a rope at regular intervals, at
least 6" apart. Each knot represents 500 years with
the first knot being 2000 B.C.E. and the eighth knot being
2000 C.E. The middle of the rope is year 0 C.E. Suspend
the rope between two chairs or lay it on the ground.
2. Attach the symbol cards to the rope at the approximate
founding date of the religion.
3. Take turns matching the Founder and the Holy Book cards
to their religions.
DISCUSSION:
1. What do you like most and value about your own religion?
2. Look up one of the religions that is different from
your own on the internet. Can you find one thing that
is similar to your religion and one thing that is different?
(Google “major world religions” for help)
TREAT:
Make pancakes. Use squeeze margarine or cake frosting
tubes to draw symbols of the world's religions.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
DISPENSE ONE-A-DAY VERBAL VITAMINS
When
you love someone, it seems so natural to communicate that
love through words of love and actions of kindness. So
why do so many long married couples gradually lessen this
practice by taking each other for granted? We've said,
"I love you" a thousand times. We figure our
spouse should remember. We become complacent.
Untended love, however, can wither and die. Keep your
eyes open and look for opportunities to recognize the
gifts and talents of your beloved. Don't keep your love
secret or another, more vocal, secret admirer may take
your place.
When
tempted to complain about your spouse, think of at least
one positive trait that you admire and say it. "Honey,
you know I love you" is nice, but not enough. Your
compliment should be specific and true. If you find yourself
repeating yourself every day, you're not looking hard
enough.
From
Marriage: 12 Ways to Strengthen a Bold Promise
by Susan Vogt.
To order go to: www.creativecommunications.com
and search on my name.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
COUPLE FUN: PLAY TIME OR WASTED
TIME?
You are probably courting or
married because you enjoy having fun together. With time,
however, interests can change or we can just get busy
about life and not take the time to recreate together.
Check your “Play Quotient” to see if you’re
in the same ball park.
Recreation Preferences:
When it’s time to have fun
I prefer:
My spouse prefers:
1. Indoor
Either
Outdoor
Indoor
Either
Outdoor
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
2. Sedentary
Either
Physical
Sedentary Either
Physical
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
3. Solitary
Either
Groups/Teams
Solitary
Either
Groups/Teams
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
4. Cooperative
Either
Competitive
Cooperative Either
Competitive
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
5. Intellectual
Either
Brainless
Intellectual
Either
Brainless stimulation
relaxation
stimulation
relaxation
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
6. Spectator
Either Participative
Spectator Either
Participative
1
2 3
4 5
1 2
3 4
5
For Discussion:
7. How much fun do you get per hour:
How may hours per week do you typically
spend recreating by yourself? _____
(include fitness regimens, playing
computer/video games, etc.)
How many hours per week do you spend
recreating with your spouse? _____
If you have children, how many hours
do you spend recreating with them? _____
8. How much fun do you get per dollar:
Is cost a factor in what kind of
recreation you choose?
Is it worth it?
9. Couple time vs. individual time:
Does your spouse spend a lot of time
(more than one night a week) doing a hobby or
recreation that you don’t share?
10. What’s your favorite way to relax together?
SCORING:
+1 point for each Recreation Preference in which you and
your spouse differ by no more than 2.
+1 point for each correct prediction of spouse’s
response (within 1 point)
+5 points for 6-15 hours of couple recreation per week
–5 points for less than 5 hours or more than 15
hours of couple recreation (unless you’re retired)
+5 points if you share two or more hobbies
–5 points if you don’t share any hobbies
–3 points if either of you regularly spend more
than one night a week recreating apart from the family
Total points:
0 – 5 points: Take a break. You are at risk for
being a dull, over-worked mate.
6 – 15 points: Is your job so much fun that you’re
counting it as play? Unless you’re retired, consider
that you may be focused too much on your own pleasure.
Look for ways to serve others during your discretionary
time.
16+ points: You probably have a healthy balance of fun,
family, and work in your life.
BONUS questions for
discussion:
Humor:
The kinds of thing that makes me laugh are:
Jokes, my own foibles, practical jokes, puns, comics,
_______________________________
When “Whatever you want
to do, honey” is not really true, I'd rather:
A. rent a movie
B. go to a movie theater.
A. go to a play, concert, dinner B. stay home and
play cards, a game, or watch TV
A. watch a sport
B. play the sport
C. do something unrelated to sports
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
IS
YOUR MARRIAGE FINANCIALLY SOUND?
OR ARE YOU HEADED FOR RELATIONSHIP BANKRUPTCY?
1. Rate yourself according
to your natural inclination to spend money:
Tightwad Frugal
Neutral Generous
Spendthrift
1
2
3
4
5
Rate
your spouse:
1
2
3
4
5
2. Rate your ability
to put money into savings:
1
2
3
4
5
Rate
your spouse's ability:
1
2
3
4
5
3. Circle the phrase
that best describes your shopping style:
A. Utilitarian (I go, I buy, I’m out.)
B. Laissez-faire (When I see something I like, I buy it.
I don’t plan for it, I just follow my whim.)
C. Bargain Hunter (I check the ads. When something’s
on sale, I snatch it, stock up.)
D. Therapy (When I’m in a blue mood, buying something
helps me feel better.)
E. Recreation (I like to window-shop. I can spend hours
shopping alone or with friends.)
Star the phrase that
you think best describes your spouse.
4. Agree/Disagree?
Separately mark if you Agree (A) or Disagree (D) with
each of the following statements.
A. It’s important to be frugal and thrifty with
our money regardless of how much we make.
B. I think that we should have a new car at least every
five years.
C. I’d rather put money into a house than take a
vacation or other recreation.
D. I prefer to handle paying the bills.
E. It’s best to maintain separate checking or savings
accounts.
F. It’s OK to keep some “treat” money
that my spouse doesn’t know about.
(to treat myself or buy a surprise
for my spouse)
G. I think it is O.K. to maintain a balance due on a credit
card.
H. I think that we should pay cash for all purchases except
a house or a car.
I. I think that a portion of every pay check
should be saved.
J. If money is tight, I would only buy insurance that
is legally required, i.e. car & mortgage
insurance.
K. I think it is O.K. to gamble, so long as I don’t
use the grocery money.
L. I think it is O.K. to ask our parents for financial
assistance.
M. I think it’s important to have one parent at
home when our children are young.
N. I think that we should make regular gifts to charity.
O. I think it is O.K. to fudge on our tax return; everybody
does it.
Compare answers with your spouse.
Was your assessment of each other in questions 1, 2, and
3 accurate? Discuss the items you disagreed on in question
4.
It’s not necessary to
have the same spending habits, but it is important to
know where you differ (especially if either of you are
1’s or 5’s on the continuum) since that is
likely an area of tension between you. Sometimes differences
are healthy since one spouse’s desire to save might
“save” the marriage from financial recklessness.
But it doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments
about it.
SCORING:
Questions 1 and 2:
____ total of your own ratings for Questions 1 and 2 (out
of a possible 10 points)
____ total of your spouse’s ratings for Questions
1 and 2 (out of a possible 10 points)
If your totals are separated by:
• 3 or fewer points, you are very financially compatible,
but check to see if your similarities are at the extremes
since being too much alike can cause problems. Two tightwads
may need to loosen up and spend some money having fun
together. Two spendthrifts may need to cut up their credit
cards or work with a financial counselor to develop a
realistic budget.
• 4 – 6 points, you’re on the same wavelength
and hopefully balance each other out
• 7 – 8 points, better see a financial or
marriage counselor before you end up in bankruptcy or
divorce court.
Question 3:
Discuss
Question 4 (Agree/Disagree):
____ total statements for which you gave the same answer
(except D)
If you agree with each other on:
10-15 statements, you have open communication about financial
matters and similar financial values
5-9 statements, you urgently need to discuss the items
you have different opinions about.
1-4 statements, a consultation with a credit or marriage
counselor is long overdue. Make an appointment today.
Contact: www.nfcc.org,
for credit counseling or your local
family life office for a referral to a marriage counselor.
BACK
TO TOP
For Families - March
2008
COUCH POTATO CRITICS
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
TV. VCR, or DVD player plus the TV schedule or an interesting
movie.
In advance, review the TV schedule and choose a show (or
pick a movie) that has an issue or theme that might lend
itself to discussion
TREAT:
Popping a big bag of popcorn to eat during the show can
set the mood for an evening of sharing.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
The leader gives a brief description of the show's theme
and what to watch for.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Network television is very nice to provide convenient
breaks (also known as commercials) during which the family
can discuss things. During commercial breaks discuss how
the theme is being shown in the characters or through
the plot. (Use the remote control to mute the sound to
avoid distraction.) The following options might help get
the discussion going:
OPTION
1:
Each person can select a character to be during the first
commercial break. Watch how your character is affected
by the issue being addressed. How does your character
feel? What are your concerns, fears, joys etc? After the
show the family might even want to stay in character for
awhile and make up an alternative ending to play out.
OPTION
2:
Each person can imagine that they are the writer/director
and try to guess what might happen at the end of the show.
It is interesting to compare these predictions with how
the actual plot unfolds.
DISCUSSION:
One suggested show is Star Trek: The Next Generation.
It addresses many of today's issues in a non-threatening
and interesting way. Even teenagers can get interested
in it. Furthermore, Star Trek is in syndication
so reruns can be found on almost any night.
Note:
The leader must be prepared to redirect the discussion
if the theme turns out to be something different than
expected. It is okay to shift to another theme or another
show if necessary.
Related
Scripture if desired: Sirach 6:33
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, more readings,
activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
MARTIN
LUTHER KING and KWANZAA aren’t just for Blacks
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
• Summary of Martin Luther King's life. (Check the
internet or library.)
• Strips of red, green and black paper, ribbon,
or yarn cut in 4"- 6" lengths, (2-4 per family
member).
• Kwanzaa kinara (candleholder) with a red, a green
and a black candle. (Candle alternative: place three candles
in candle holders and attach a piece of ribbon, yarn,
or strip of red, green, or black paper around the bottom.)
Place in the center of the table.
• A single candle to be used for the opening and
to light the others.
OPENING:
Light the single candle and turn off a few lights. Enjoy
the glow and discuss briefly what candlelight does to
darkness. With young children sing a few verses of This
Little Light.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
This Family Night uses the symbols of Kwanzaa* (an African
American celebration of values) to commemorate the life
of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a great African American
who taught people of all races about freedom and equality.
Dr. King's birthday is observed on the third Monday of
January. We honor Dr. King annually in order to remember
the important things that he taught.
Kwanzaa is observed December 26 - January 1 each year.
In celebrating Kwanzaa, African Americans and others are
reminded of their history and struggle. Kwanzaa is a time
to keep African American families strong, to encourage
people to work together for the good of all people, and
to picture a prosperous future for African American children.
All of these things were also important to Martin Luther
King.
READING:
Read a story about or a speech by Martin Luther King.
As you read about his experiences, tell how you may have
felt, or what you might have wanted to do, if you were
in his place.
AND
Matthew 5:9-12, 14-16.
Talk about how these verses relate to the life of Dr.
King. In what ways did he bring light into his world?
How did he let his light and the light of God shine? What
happened to him as a peacemaker?
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Give an equal number of paper, yarn or ribbon strips to
each person present. As each kinara candle is lit, a family
member reads the appropriate introduction below, After
each candle is lit, take turns telling a way in which
Dr. King lived the words which were read placing the strips
of paper, ribbon, or yarn at the base of the candle.
Reader #1: "We light the
black Kwanzaa candle to remember that Dr. King worked
to create 'UMOJA'- unity in the family, community, nation,
and race."
Take turns naming things which Dr. King was able to change
for people, such as desegregation of buses.
Reader #2: "We light the
red Kwanzaa candle to celebrate the 'KUUMBA'- creativity
with which Dr. King worked to make his community and the
world a better place."
Tell unique ways in which Dr. King helped people to do
that, such as creative ways of protesting without using
violence.
Reader #3: "We light the
green Kwanzaa candle to remind us to keep our 'IMANI'-
faith, as Dr. King encouraged us to hold onto our dream
for ourselves and for our future."
Name some rights and values which Dr. King believed belonged
to all people.
NOTE TO LEADER: These are only
three of the seven principles of Kwanzaa. If time and
interest warrant, the other four principles could be used
in like fashion.* Conclude by each person choosing a colored
strip and telling a way in which he or she will follow
the example set by Dr. King. Keep the strip to remind
you to follow through on your commitment.
Close by holding hands and
singing: We Shall Overcome
TREAT:
Share red, green and brown M & M's. (Red and green
fruit or vegetables could be served as an alternative.
For example, slices of red and green apple or cherry tomatoes
and broccoli flowerettes.) Mixing all the colors of food
together signify how Dr. King felt that people of the
world should be able to live together in harmony. The
taste of the candy emphasizes the sweetness of achieving
King's goals. Although each piece of candy is a different
color on the outside, inside they are all the same. Color
should not be used to determine the core value of a person.
AGE ADAPTATION:
For pre-schoolers, focus more simply on the concept of
light. Light the candle and talk simply about some of
the ways Dr. King shone as a light. Light can help us
to see in the darkness. Dr. King helped many people to
see that everyone should be treated equally and fairly,
regardless of the color of his or her skin.
Deepen this experience with teenagers by discussing a
few more questions:
• In what ways did Dr. King die for an important
cause?
• In what ways did Dr. King die in vain?
• How would your school be different if everyone
valued what Dr. King worked to achieve?
• In what way or ways would you be different if
you acted on Dr. King's beliefs?
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded
reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
* For more information on Kwanzaa, see Just Family Night,
Theme #60.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
ARE
WE WALKING WITH THE SAME MORAL COMPASS?
Couples don’t have
to always agree on what color to paint the kitchen but
disagreeing on when to have a baby or whether both spouses
should work outside the home are decisions of values and
conscience. If it’s a matter of morality, the rule
of thumb is to not violate the more restrictive conscience.
If this becomes a pattern, however, check for scrupulosity.
Circle the number that
best reflects how much your care about the following moral
issues:
Don’t care
Somewhat Important
Very Important
1
2
3
4
5
1. Attending religious
services religiously, i.e. weekly. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
2. Raising our children
in faith. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
3. Have our children attend
religious schools even if it’s a financial hardship.
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
4. Having our children
attend a religious education program if they don’t
go to a religious school.
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
5. Donating a portion of
our income (ideally a tithe of 10%) to charity. 1 - 2
- 3 - 4 - 5
6. Planning our family
in accordance with church teaching. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
7. Having one parent at
home while the children are young. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
8. Paying our legitimate
taxes even if others do not. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
9. Caring for the environment
by doing things like recycling, avoiding excessive packaging,
minimizing car use, composting… 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -
5
10. Taking good care of
my physical health through eating nutritious foods, exercising,
not smoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol or drugs.
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
11. Living simply, avoiding
undo consumption and a luxurious lifestyle. 1 - 2 - 3
- 4 - 5
12. Live within our means.
If our means are great, then our moral responsibility
is to use our excess to help others. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
13. Being responsive to
my spouse’s requests for sexual intimacy. 1 - 2
- 3 - 4 - 5
14. Being an active citizen,
voting, working for political issues or candidates, doing
volunteer community work, etc. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Bonus
questions for discussion:
• What social and religious causes are you most
passionate about?
• Politics is grounded in many moral assumptions.
What political candidate did you support in the last election?
Does your spouse share your politics?
SCORING:
Add up all your points. If your totals vary by:
• Less than 15 points: Your moral compasses are
very compatible. You may not always be right,
but at least you share similar values. Consider
if there are any moral issues that call you to
become more generous or life-giving.
• 16 – 49 points: Time to discuss the issues
you differ on by more than one number. Try to
balance rationalizing away differences with
being overly scrupulous.
• Over 50 points: You’re living on different
planets. Talk with a priest or pastoral counselor soon.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
WALKING
IN ANOTHER'S SHOES
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
You may want to time this session so it can include
the dinner meal.
Enough materials for each person
in the family to experience a different sensory or physical
disability such as:
• blindfold (an old dark sock and large pin work
well)
• ear muffs, ear plugs, or cotton
• tape for mouth
• sling for an arm (or a rag that can approximate
a sling)
• crutches (or again, a rag could be used to tie
up one leg)
• mitten to cover a hand. Attach the thumb so it
can't be used.
• slips of paper, each designating a handicap: blind,
deaf, mute, leg amputee, arm amputee, injured hand, etc.
OPENING:
Carefully arrange the above items to be used on the table.
Light a candle and have members silently ponder: If I
had to choose a disability, what would I choose?
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Of course, people who have physical, mental, or emotional
impairments never had the chance to choose their limitation.
We can never know fully what it's like to walk in another
person's shoes, to experience another’s disability,
but lets try to sample at least a little of what some
people in our society have to live with everyday –
not just part of a day.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Put all the disability papers in a basket. Each family
member randomly picks one and then takes the corresponding
disability item. The task is then to "stay in role"
for a predetermined period of time. The length of time
depends upon the ages of the children and the day's schedule.
• Very young children may only be able to do this
for about 15-30 minutes.
• Families with older children can try it over a
longer period of time, ideally including a meal.
The family then goes about
their normal activities until the time is up.
DISCUSSION
When the time is up, gather and debrief what the experience
was like for everyone.
• What did it feel like?
• Did any of the disabilities seem like fun in the
beginning? If so, how long did it take for the glamour
to wear off?
• Did the particular disability I had make a difference?
Would I have preferred a different one? Why?
• What if I had a disability that was not physical,
like an emotional or mental disability? Would that be
easier or harder?
• No one is perfect. In one sense all of us have
disabilities, they just might not be as noticeable or
severe as the kind we've just sampled. What is a limitation
or disability that I really have?
TREAT:
Why not make (or at least eat) a dessert using your less
dominant hand – unless you're ambidextrous of course.
Related Scripture: 1 Corinthians
12:14-26
Activities are simplified adaptations
from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press,
Elgin, IL: 1994.
See original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
DO
YOU MAKE GOOD TRAVEL COMPANIONS?
Circle A (Agree), D (Disagree),
or U (Unsure) after each question. Compare answers.
1. When getting ready for a trip:
A. I pack for every contingency
A D U
B. I take pride in packing compactly
A D U
2. When getting ready
for a trip:
A. I am usually calm and ready to
leave at the appointed time A D U
B. I usually scurry around frantically
throwing things together and still leave late.
A D U
3. When getting ready
for a trip, I like:
A. to have a plan, check maps and
tour books, etc. A D U
B. to be spontaneous and flexible.
A D U
C. to have someone else plan the
trip for me or have a tour guide. A D U
4. What mode of transportation
do you enjoy? (Circle all that apply.)
A. Car A D U
a. It’s
cheaper. A D U
b. I don’t
travel far. A D U
c. We have
kids and cars work best. A D U
d. I’m
afraid to fly. A D U
B. Air A D U
a. Only if I
can use frequent flyer miles. A D U
b. It’s
quickest for long trips. A D U
c. I like watching
the movies. A D U
C. Train/Subway A D U
a. It’s
economical. A D U
b. It’s
safe. A D U
c. It wastes
less of the earth’s resources. A D U
D. Boat (a cruise, sailing, etc.)
A D U
a. I like
luxury. A D U
b. I like
having someone else taking care of me, and the food is
plentiful. A D U
c. I like
water. A D U
d. I like
shopping at the ports. A D U
E. I just like to go places, I don’t
care how. A D U
F. I hate to travel, regardless of
the mode of transportation. A D U
5. When on vacation,
I like to:
A. stay close to home (maybe a local
cottage, nearby hotel, or just staying home).
A D U
B. do things the natural way (camping,
hiking, outdoor activities). A D U
C. Do it “first class”
(expensive lodging, entertainment) Vacations are a time
to splurge. A D U
D. Travel to far off or unique places
(different countries, or a different part of my country).
A D U
E. Have familiar surroundings and
all the comforts of home. A D U
6. When traveling by
car, I like to:
A. take frequent breaks to stretch,
eat, go to the bathroom. A D U
B. push ahead to get to my destination
as quickly as possible. A D U
7. When traveling by
car, I like to:
A. keep a neat environment (I always
keep a litter bag in the car.) A D U
B. Get real! If I’m going any
distance, it’s impractical to keep everything neat.
A D U
8. When driving, I:
A. generally don’t go more
than five miles over the speed limit. A D U
B. either keep a radar detector in
the car, or should. A D U
C. am very cautious. Many cars pass
me. A D U
9. When traveling by
car:
A. I pack many diversions (books,
CD’s, games, etc.) A D U
B. I’m fine as long as the
radio works. I like it tuned to: A D U
a. music
(What kind? __________) A D U
b. talk
shows (What kind? _________) A D U
c. news
or NPR. A D U
C. I like to talk or sing.
A D U
D. I like to sleep. A D
U
10. I prefer to:
A. travel to one place, stay there,
and relax. A D U
B. visit a lot of different places,
see a lot, do a lot. A D U
C. visit relatives. A
D U
D. visit friends. A D
U
11. I like to travel:
A. by myself. A D
U
B. with my spouse.
A D U
C. with my spouse and children.
A D U
D. with a group of friends.
A D U
SCORING:
Total all the responses on which you and your
spouse agree.
If you agree with each other on:
40+ items: Happy Travels!
11-39 items: Take this opportunity to practice compromise
and negotiation skills.
0-10 items: Consider separate vacations.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
TROPHIES FOR TIGHTWADS
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Boxes or bags for collecting excess clutter, clothes and
other items to give away.
OPENING:
Invite the family around the kitchen or other gathering
place. Light a candle and sing a song like "Simple
Gifts."
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
Living simply is not a simple task. It takes more creativity
and more of our physical and spiritual energy than "buying
into" our fast-paced, throwaway society. Let’s
look at our living environment and let go of some of what
clutters our life.
READING:
Matthew 6:25-34
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Each family member finds two or three items around the
house that he or she can't live without (i.e. teddy bear,
iPod, computer). Examine the use of each item and discuss
if these are wants or needs. What does our family actually
NEED for survival?
Take
a tour of your home together. In each room look at what
is lying around the floor (clutter). How do we take care
of our belongings? What furnishings, knick-knacks, etc.
unnecessarily "clutter" our lives?
Look
at the clothes in your closets and drawers. Do we have
clothing or accessories we don't use anymore that someone
else may be able to use?
Collect
clothing and other items we can give away.
Are
there families you know who need your extra clothes, etc.?
Arrange to give them your surplus in a dignified fashion
or donate the items to a charitable organization.
TREAT:
Popcorn and apple juice
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
ENRICHMENT - For
Couples
HOW WELL CAN YOU READ YOUR SPOUSE'S MOODS?
Answer each question according
to what you think your spouse would say. Then check
with each other to see how close you are in interpreting
each others words and moods.
1. “I have
a headache” means:
A. I want to be alone.
B. I want some sympathy and consolation.
C. I need to know where you put the aspirin.
D. I’d like some comfort food or a back rub.
E. Don’t even think of suggesting we make love
tonight!
2. When I ask my
spouse, “What’s wrong?” and the reply
is “Nothing,” that means:
A. Nothing is wrong. (This probably is not true and,
therefore, wrong.)
B. My spouse is feeling neglected or misunderstood and
wants you to remember what you did to offend and then
apologize.
C. My spouse wants to be left alone to sulk or vegetate
for awhile.
D. She’s probably having a PMS moment.
3. Your spouse looks
at you with a gleam in the eye:
A. Something good happened at work and he/she is anxious
to share it.
B. He’s proud that he has such a beautiful wife.
She’s proud that she has such a handsome husband.
C. Your spouse just had the lowest golf score of the
year, the highest video game score, or won the lottery
or _______________
D. He’s hoping you’re in the same mood that
he is in this evening. (Reverse pronouns if you like.)
4. Your spouse snaps
at you. He or she is probably:
A. Tired and needs a nap.
B. Upset about something that doesn’t involve
you.
C. Annoyed that you just beat him/her at a game.
D. Defensive because of a criticism that you just delivered.
E. Other _____________
5. Your spouse is
quiet and doesn’t respond when you walk in the
room. He/she is:
A. Just fine and enjoys the calm and solitude
B. Brooding. It might be about you, but it might not.
C. Bored or lonely and is waiting for your company to
do something.
D. Engrossed in thought or concentrating.
E. Privately praying/meditating.
F. Almost asleep. Don’t disturb.
6. Your spouse is
scurrying around, barking orders, and looks frazzled.
He/she would probably like you to:
A. Get out of the way
B. Think of ways to help with the tasks that need to
be done.
C. Ask what you can do to help.
D. Know that there’s so much to do because of
something you forgot to do or your tardiness and is
hoping for an apology.
7. Your spouse is
sick. He/she probably wants to:
A. Be left alone.
B. Have you run to the store for medications.
C. Have you be solicitous, i.e. bring some juice, the
paper.
D. Have you nearby for company and conversation
Scoring:
If you accurately anticipated your spouse’s answer:
5-7 times – You’re experienced in reading
your spouse’s moods
2-4 times – Don’t just guess, check out
what your spouse really means and wants.
1 time – Time for a communication class.
* Correctly guessing your spouse's
answer is not as important as the discussion you have
as a result of it.
BACK
TO TOP
ENRICHMENT - For
Couples
IF
I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, I'VE TOLD YOU 1000 TIMES
Why do adults who are normally
reasonable and mature, believe that if they only repeat
a complaint to their spouse often enough, that the spouse
will change. Such nagging doesn’t work with kids
and it’s even more destructive to a marriage. Following
is an exercise to help you stop nagging. Its success depends
on your willingness to give up one gripe.
Many of us have probably used
the phrase, “Honey, if I’ve told you once,
I’ve told you a thousand times, would you please
not – chomp on your ice cubes, leave the toilet
seat up, criticize me in front of your mother… If
indeed you’ve asked your spouse more than several
times to stop a behavior, chances are he or she will not
be more likely to change if you simply keep repeating
the request. Usually what follows is resentment.
You have several options:
1. Find a new and creative way to motivate your spouse
to change. “Honey, every time you have ice in a
glass and DON”T chew on it, I’ll give you
a massage, we can make love, whatever.”
2. Decide that in the whole scope of life and love, the
infraction is rather minor and you will choose to live
with it. This choice means you must give up the urge to
remind and nag on this particular issue.
3. Continue to frustrate yourself and annoy your spouse
by repeating the comment.
Assuming you choose the middle
ground (#2), here’s how it works. Simply choose
one annoying habit that your spouse does and decide
that you will never again nag him or her about it. This
has nothing to do with the rightness or wrongness of
your spouse’s action or your continuing desire
for the irritating behavior to cease. It just means
you’ve let go of the job of complainer/corrector
on this one issue. Although this exercise can be done
at any time of year, you may find that Lent is a fitting
time to start giving up a pet peeve for the sake of
the marriage. You can tell your spouse of your decision
– once – if you like.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
THE
MYSTERY OF GROWTH
Adapted from Just Family Nights
Note to
Parent(s): The primary activity for this Family Night
is a long range project of watching a garden grow. For
those who just can't wait, Option 2 provides more immediate
results.
PREPARATION:
• paper and crayons or markers
• garden tools
• paper for mapping out the garden
• calendar
Option 1:
• vegetable seeds (beans are fast-growing)
Option 2:
• seedlings or bedding plants
OPENING:
As a family, make a mini "pilgrimage" to a space
prepared for planting. Spend a few moments just quietly
looking over the area and imagining what you might plant
where and how it might look as it grows. Sing: "The
Garden Song" (aka "Inch by Inch, Row by Row").
Return to the gathering place in your home.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
We're going to start an experiment to find out how things
grow best. It'll take quite a while for our study to be
complete and it'll take some work. But growth is often
like that - slow and often hard.
READING:
Mark 4: 3-9
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Do one or both of the following before actually planting
your seeds:
1. Draw a picture.
It's always fun for young children to draw pictures of
flowers, trees, the sun, birds, etc. depicting spring.
This can be fun for almost any age, even if they're too
young to make the flowers look like flowers.
2. Make a map of the garden.
While little children are drawing, parents and older children
can plot on paper where things will be planted. Allot
two rows for your special experiment seeds. It helps develop
some understanding of planning, choices, how things fit
in relation to each other. Young children can decorate
the borders, or glue pictures of what's planted, etc.
Older children can make the whole thing. The maps can
make colorful wall hangings in the kitchen, on the refrigerator,
or in their bedroom.
OPTION 1:
Plant your experimental seeds according to the following
directions:
Row 1: Plant according to directions on package
Row 2: Plant simply by scattering the seeds on top of
the soil in this row and perhaps putting a few seeds loosely
under a small amount of dirt.
When the planting is complete
discuss the plan for the rest of the experiment:
• Let the seeds grow. Check them daily.
• See that the first row is watered according to
the instructions if there is not enough rainfall. Do
; ; ;not water the second row. It should depend
solely on rainfall.
• Monitor and record on a calendar when and how
the beans begin to grow.
• After the beans have begun to grow two or three
inches,
; ; ;a. transplant some of beans by carelessly
pulling them up and putting them in another location.
;b. take some other seedlings and dig
them up carefully and transplant them in a location that
;has been prepared
to receive them.
• Continue to monitor and record the growth of all
the bean plants for the remainder of the growing
;season and note the different results.
OPTION 2:
IMMEDIATE RESULTS ACTIVITY (for those who just can't wait.)
Plant seedlings that are already growing. You could also
plant seeds at the same time and see how long it takes
the seeds planted to catch up with the seedlings.
FOLLOW - UP ACTIVITY AND DISCUSSION:
Later in the summer, after you can see some differentiation
in plant growth, the family could either have a follow-up
Family Night or more informally discuss the differences
in growth.
For example:
Look around your own city, town, state and other parts
of the world. Note the similarities to the two rows of
beans. People who are not properly cared for or nurtured
from pre-natal care through their growing years suffer
similar fates, i.e. there may be some who make it, but
most never grow and develop into the healthy, productive
people they could have been.
Similarly, people who may have
started out with the proper care and nurturing, but then
are uprooted recklessly without regard to their health
and well-being also have a harder time becoming healthy,
productive citizens. However, those who are uprooted,
but carefully transplanted and properly nurtured thereafter
may lag in development, but are still able to overcome
the trauma they suffered.
TREAT:
Ideally have something homegrown. If nothing is ready
buy some fruit at a farmer’s market.
Activities are simplified adaptations
from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press,
Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original book of 60 family nights
for age adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs,
recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
MY
GRANDMA'S GRANDMA
Adapted from Just Family Nights
In some families
one or more members may not be aware of their national
origin due to adoption, slavery, or a mixed background.
In this case, choose a likely or favorite country to adopt
and explore its culture.
PREPARATION:
•Several candles
•Mementos of your own family's heritage (i.e. songs,
clothes, pictures, artifacts, food, etc.)
•A list of the last several generations of your
family
OPTIONAL
• Invite the oldest relatives you have living nearby
to join you.
• Borrow from library:
The Relatives Came, Cynthia Rylant - Bradybury Press,
1985, ages 3-9.
The Keeping Quilt, Patricia Polacco - Simon and Shuster,
1988, ages 5-10.
OPENING:
Light a candle.
READING:
Matthew 1:2-16 (Summarize if the genealogy is too long
to keep the attention of the children.)
OR
The Relatives Came or The Keeping Quilt
Ask each person to quietly
think of their own grandparents (or, if they can remember,
their great grandparents). Picture what they look like.
Are there any typical sayings you associate with them?
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Tonight we're going to take a step back in time and try
to get a taste of what it might have been like to live
100 or more years ago - about the time when "my grandma's
grandma" was a child. To get back to that time we're
going to work our way back generation by generation. Hopefully,
we will not only experience what life was like in a more
primitive time, but also learn some of the unique heritage
and customs of the countries from which our ancestors
came.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. If you don't already have a chart of your family tree,
make a simple one. Talk about each individual as you put
his/her name down.
• Are there any interesting family stories about
their lives, idiosyncrasies, sayings, values, personalities,
etc.?
• Are there any physical resemblances to particular
relatives?
This exercise will probably take you back to somewhere
between 1850 and 1900.
2. To complete your travel
backward through time, transform your home into a typical
1850 - 1900 dwelling. If you know the kind of life circumstances
particular ancestors were living in at that time, try
to approximate them. If not, use the following guidelines:
• No computers or compact discs, DVD’s, I-Pods
(not common until 1990's)
• No VCR's, microwaves, or video games (not common
until 1980's)
• No cassette tape recorders (not common until 1970's)
• No T.V.s (not common until 1950's)
Now it gets a little harder:
• No talking movies (not common until 1930's)
• No automobiles (not common until 1920's)
• No refrigerators (not common until 1920's)
• No electric stoves (not common until 1910's)
• No indoor plumbing (not common until 1910's)
• No electric lights, telephone, phonograph, or
anything run by electricity (not common until 1900's)
NOTE TO LEADER:
A list of inventions with dates can be found in The World
Almanac under Science & Technology.
3. Decide as a family how far
you would like to go back in time. (I recommend a pre-light
bulb decade for greatest effect.) Then take a slow walk
together through every room in your home. At each room
pause and take stock of what would be different in the
time you selected. What items weren't invented yet? What
items would look different? As you leave each room turn
off anything that would not have been common. When you
get to the final room (probably the living room) settle
in for an evening in your time warp. Assuming you have
chosen a time before 1900 (when electric lighting was
not common) you will need to place candles in several
secure places. If you have a fireplace it would be nice
to contemplate what it would be like for this to be your
primary means of heating and cooking.
4. Spend the remainder of the
evening exploring your ethnic heritage, being as faithful
as possible to the lifestyle of your decade.
A. Parents or grandparents may describe ethnic artifacts
and talk about their use or meaning. (Examples: Irish
lace, German beer steins, Ukrainian Easter eggs, African
ivory, etc.)
B. Tell stories about what life was like in the "old
country", or at least a generation or two ago in
your own country.
C. Ethnic songs could be sung. (Remember that records
and tapes were not invented yet, much less CD’s.)
TEEN ADAPTATION:
In exploring the family's heritage teens may delve into
issues like:
• What are some stereotypes of people from your
ancestral country? (Examples: Latin lovers, stubborn Germans,
stoic Slavs, alcoholic Irish, dumb Dutchman, Polish bowlers,
sly Chinese, shrewd Jewish)
• How do you feel about these generalizations?
• Is there any truth to them?
• What are some positive characteristics for which
your nationality is known?
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded
reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
THE
PINCH
It takes a lot of pinches to
cause a bruise. Usually a little, one time, pinch does
little harm, but the accumulation of many pinches irritate
the skin and leave a mark. And so it is with marriage
too. That thoughtless remark or act when repeated –especially
once you know it irritates your spouse– can eat
away at the relationship. The big marriage breakers (infidelity,
addictions, abuse) often have their seeds in the terrible
trifles. These build to the point where one partner ends
up saying, “I just don’t feel love for you
anymore.” Nip the pinches in the bud by:
• Identifying the pinches unique to your relationship
• Gently and lovingly request that your spouse work
on eliminating ONE pinch. (One will do for a start. Let
the rest go for now.)
• Be willing to eliminate ONE pinch that annoys
your spouse.
Following are some examples
to get you started:
1. You forget to tell me about an evening meeting.
2. You say you’re just going to check e-mail, but
don’t get off the computer for an hour.
3. You talk to me while I’m on the telephone.
4. You talk to me from another room.
5. You leave a mess in the bathroom.
6. You don’t ask me what is wrong when you know
that something is bothering me.
7. You make light of a problem I tell you about.
8. You leave the gas tank empty in the car.
9. You come home from work and are irritable with the
children because you are tired.
10. You remind me of something stupid I did in the past.
11. You are often not ready on time.
12. You sometimes pay more attention to the newspaper
and TV that to me.
13. You repeat something I’ve told you in confidence.
14. You sometimes don’t listen to me when I am talking.
15. You forget to do something I’ve asked you to
do.
16. You start a job but you don’t finish it.
17. You tease me about my cooking in front of others.
18. You keep putting off that weekend alone you promised.
19. You drank the last coke or ate the last Klondike bar.
20. You let the kids eat all my peanuts.
By
Marcy and Ralph Reed, Association for Couples in Marriage
Enrichment (ACME) lead couple
Adapted and used with permission
BACK
TO TOP
For
Parents
A
SUMMER JOB JAR
In the summer most families
welcome a more relaxed schedule. As vacation starts for
most students, however, it doesn’t take long before
“I don’t have anything to do” becomes
an all too frequent refrain. One summer sanity strategy
that I wish I had started earlier is a “summer job
jar.”
I’d think up about 50 simple jobs and put each on
a strip of colored paper in a jar. Each week day children
picked one job to do before dinner. If they didn’t
like the first one they could pick another, and delay
the original job till later.
I skipped Sundays because that should be a day of rest
anyway. I also skipped Saturdays since that was our traditional
“clean up your room day” and we might have
weekend outings. Put in a few surprise fun things to do
also just to keep it interesting.
Most jobs probably shouldn’t take much more than
15 minutes to keep it from being too burdensome although
some could be more major. The job jar did not replace
regular year round chores like setting the table or feeding
the dog. If your child is old enough, brainstorm ideas
together.
It’s easier to start a custom like this when children
are young and still think you’re the boss, but we
started it when our youngest was about 10. It probably
worked because his best friend’s family also did
it. There’s strength in numbers.
A family outing at the end of summer might be a nice way
to celebrate everyones’ work. Here are some possible
jobs that you might want to use.
Outdoor jobs: Laundry
jobs:
• water the plants •
match socks
• mulch •
fold napkins and towels
• weed a section of the garden
Miscellaneous jobs: Fun
jobs:
• make dessert •
play a game with Mom or Dad
• dust a room •
tell the family a joke at dinner
• read a story to a younger sibling •
play the piano (or flute, or drums) for the family
• organize a bookshelf
• plan a special grace for dinner
• count all the books in the house
BACK
TO TOP
| Humor
Your Spouse
Humor adds to our marriage
emotional bank account and allows us to tolerate
or overlook offenses that might otherwise irritate.
Well, OK, they still might annoy us but we’re
willing to overlook minor things because of the
overall fun and positive experiences we’ve
had together. Cultivating humor in marriage is not
the same thing as being able to tell a joke. Following
are some kinds of humor you might nurture in your
marriage. Think of ways that you “humor each
other.” If you have any additional ways, let
me know and I’ll share the best on this website. |
See
your spouse with a new eye.
|
KINDS OF HUMOR:
1. Engaging in fun, lighthearted past-times together.
Examples: playing games or sports together, watching funny
movies or TV shows
Question: What are our favorite ways to relax
together and have fun?
2. Inside or “running”
jokes: Often these have to do with personal foibles
that we can turn into jokes rather than continuing to
complain.
Example: When finding something I’ve lost, I’ll
often say to Jim something like, “How clever of
you to hide my credit card back in my wallet.”
Question: What silly thing does my spouse do that
I complain about? How can I change this into a lighthearted
joke?
3. Exaggeration:
Often exaggeration of a problem or fault can turn it into
humor.
Example: Well, it could have been worse. You could have
broken your arm, never found your way back, lost your
purse AND wrecked the car.
or “Could you walk a little faster. I’m not
getting enough exercise trying to keep up.”
Question: What trait or quality do you or your spouse
have in excess? Play with ridiculous exaggerations of
how that could be a boon for your marriage or society
if it were multiplied 10 times.
4. Hindsight stories (laughing at
yourselves)
Example: Once Jim and I had to wake our 13 year old at
midnight to help us take our bedroom door off the hinges
because we had locked ourselves INSIDE our bedroom.
Question: What’s your favorite story of a marriage
or family mishap that, looking back, you can now laugh
at?
5. Pranks/Surprises:
These can backfire. Be careful.
Example: “Honey, the babysitter just called and
said she had to cancel for tonight. I’m afraid we’ll
have to cancel our dinner reservations for our anniversary.
Maybe we could just put the baby in the car and take a
leisurely drive in the country. He’ll fall asleep
and we can talk.” You then drive to a relative’s
house who agreed to watch the baby for the weekend while
you have a get-away at a resort (or even at home).
Question: Have you ever tried a prank or surprise
that backfired? Now you have a hindsight story to laugh
about.
WHEN HUMOR HURTS:
Not all humor is funny to a spouse. Be careful about making
fun of your spouse’s weight, haircut, pregnancy,
or making fun of your spouse in front of others or behind
his/her back.
Example: It’s tempting when out with the guys or
gals to join in a round of “Can you believe that
“x” tried to put air in the car tires by blowing
into the tire valve!”
Question: What topic is my spouse sensitive about
and I should avoid? Check it out.
BACK
TO TOP
For Parents
Bless
Your Child Today
"God bless you" is
not just for sneezes. Bless your child today. If you think
blessings can only come from ordained ministers consider
yourself the “minister of parenthood.” Blessings
can take many forms but the most natural (and simplest)
one for ministers of the home are not formal prayers but
prayers from the heart. Perhaps use the simple: “May
God bless you in the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.” You can add other spontaneous
prayers for your child if you like. Adding a gesture like
the sign of the cross or placing your hand on your child’s
head emphasizes the sacredness of the time. Short rituals
like this benefit from repetition. Blessing on a regular
basis carries memories of past times and brings a moment
of peace between you. Following are some times that you
might want to bless your child.
Bedtime:
Even infants can be blessed as you put them down to sleep.
In fact, blessing an infant may be more a prayer for the
parent’s peace of mind than the child and it gives
you practice. It can be a soothing conclusion to your
bedtime prayer with toddlers and young children. Sometimes
it may be the whole prayer. Older children may resist
a bedtime prayer with you but sometimes simply putting
your hand on your child’s head and silently blessing
them will avoid awkwardness. Or let a bedtime kiss carry
the message, “I love you and so does God.”
Leaving the house:
It may be a bit much for most families, but if you start
the practice when your child first starts school, a “God
bless you in school today.” can become part of your
leave-taking.
Sickness:
A natural and welcome time to bless your child is at a
time of sickness as you add a spontaneous prayer for the
child’s recovery.
Times of crisis or
transition:
A big test is coming up, it’s the day of tryouts
for the basketball team, the day of your teen’s
drivers test, or your young adult is leaving for college.
It’s not magic, but praying for God’s blessing
can remind your child that you are carrying him or her
in prayer during this special time and they can call on
God’s aid in times of stress or difficulty.
And don’t forget those
sneezes.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
VALUES
& SPIRITUALITY IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is a value laden and
spiritual undertaking – even for those who are not
members of an organized religion. If your faith is important
to you, however, the marriage vows take on a special dimension
as your commitment to each other becomes an expression
of your faith, not only in each other but also in God.
Following is an exercise to
help you identify your most deeply held values and to
check how closely they match up with your daily life.
Sometimes we believe we believe something, but how we
spend our time and money puts a lie to it. To have a happy
marriage, couples need not share every interest BUT, it
is crucial that they are in sync with their most deeply
held values. If these values are generous, loving, and
life-giving, a spiritual bonding will grow.
Directions:
Each partner takes time to reflect on the following questions
and write your answers on paper. Read each other’s
thoughts, then discuss. Since this is a heavy topic, you
might not want to do this exercise all in one sitting,
but rather take a question a day, a week, or a month.
1. What's most important
in life to you?
(This question is intentionally open
ended to let your mind roam over all the possibilities.)
A.
B.
C.
What kind of time and money
do you put toward these priorities?
2. Covenant
Reflect on when your relationship has not always been
"fair" or equal. When has one of you been called
to give more than your fair share? (For example: unequal
schooling, incomes, physical abilities, illness…)
3. Unconditional
Is there any way that one or both of you have changed
since your wedding day that's been hard to accept?
Is there any change that would
jeopardize your love? (for example: a change in appearance,
personality, or mental health, infertility, loss of a
job, infidelity…)
4. Fidelity/Permanence
Fidelity is more than just sexual, permanence is more
than just not getting a divorce. What daily or frequent
habits have you developed to nurture your relationship?
(For example: eating together, a daily walk, checking
in by phone or e-mail, praying together…)
Has there ever been a crisis in your relationship when
you have been tempted to give up on it? What helped you
through it?
5. Fruitfulness
Has your love stretched you beyond yourselves? How? (For
example: volunteer work, service projects, helping out
in your neighborhood and community…)
For those who have a child(ren)
- How has your child stretched you to go beyond yourselves?
6. Forgiveness
Do you generally find it easy or difficult to forgive
your spouse or yourself for shortcomings and mistakes?
What has been a hard thing for you to forgive so far in
your marriage?
What does forgiveness look like in your marriage? For
example: Do you say, “Please forgive me.”
and “I forgive you.”? Do you make amends?
Do a favor? Hug? Give flowers? Make a bowl of popcorn?...
7. Prayer
How do you feel about praying? (Neutral? Curious? Inexperienced?
Committed?…)
Do you want to pray?
Do you want to try praying with your spouse?
How do you feel about praying with my spouse? (Nervous?
Embarrassed? Wistful?…)
Do any of the following styles of prayer appeal to you?
____ memorized prayers
____ reading inspirational books
____ meditation - (open)
____ guided meditation
____ prayer services/rituals
____ rosary
____ scripture reading
____ inspiration from nature
____ I'm a crisis prayer
____ other
For
ideas and a jump start on praying as a couple read
Who Me? Pray with Her?
BACK
TO TOP
ADVENT
WAITING 1
WAITING
WITH MARY – PREPARING WITH JOHN THE BAPTIST
Isaiah
40:1-11; 2 Peter 3:8-15; Mark 1:1-8
We wait for
the mail, for the rain to stop (or start), for our birthday,
for a loved one to return home, for results of a medical
test, for a trip to start, or a wedding day. It’s
hard to wait. And it should be so because waiting is part
of the experience. If everyday was your birthday at first
this would seem wonderful but eventually you would find
the thrill diminished as a special day becomes everyday.
If the rain stopped or started at your command at first
it would seem idyllic and convenient, but part of the
joy of beautiful days is knowing that they are not always
that way. We need to pay attention and savor it. If we
never had to wait for a loved one to return, would the
arrival be so cherished? Would the wedding day carry such
power if couples did not have to wait for it?
But our culture tries to rob
us of the joy that comes from waiting – especially
during Advent. Stores celebrate Christmas before its time
and many of us are sucked into celebrating Christmas with
parties and festive homes before the actual feast. Perhaps
we need to take our lead from pregnant women. In the quiet,
dark womb, growth is taking place both physically and
emotionally. The mother starts to change her habits and
mindset. For the reflective mother, there is also spiritual
growth as slowly she lets go of control over her body
and her desires and realizes that motherhood is a long
process of sacrificing self for the good of another. But
this waiting is not only internal. Responsible parents
prepare the home. We buy baby supplies, prepare a space,
and perhaps prepare siblings for the upcoming birth.
So too, it can be with Christmas.
As the pregnant world waits for Jesus to come again into
our midst, we need quiet, dark, internal growth, but that
doesn’t mean we need be inactive. Preparing the
home gradually; buying gifts so that we will be ready;
keeping it simple lest stress crowd out our calm are part
of active waiting. Yes, waiting is hard, but it makes
the longed for event more momentous. Let the first day
of Christmas be truly the first day of Christmas and not
just the last day of the Christmas shopping season. Let
us wait.
Some questions for
your reflection/discussion:
1. When has it been hard for you to wait for something
good?
(For example: a birthday, the results
of a test, a driver’s license, graduation, a vacation,
retirement, a letter or package in the mail, a visit from
a friend, your wedding day, pregnancy. Parents might also
include waiting for a child to walk, talk, stop fighting,
grow up, leave home, come home, get over an illness…)
2. Is there anything I need
to let go of to make room for Christ to live in me?
(For example: anger, worries, fears,
pride, a person I’m upset with, a grudge)
3. One step that I could take
to simplify my Christmas preparations and gift giving
is…
4. In addition to my immediate
family, is there anyone that I could go out of my way
to bring joy to or lessen the burdens of during Advent?
This
meditation by Susan Vogt is also published in “Whose
Birthday Is It, Anyway? – 2005”
published by Alternatives for Simple Living, www.SimpleLiving.org
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples or Parents
THE
GOLDEN RULE - REVISED
Have you ever gotten a gift
that just wasn’t you? Once I sent my husband flowers
as a sign of my love. I was proud of myself because I
realized what a nice surprise it is for me when he has
done that and I wanted to please him. I also thought,
“Why should flowers be reserved just for females?
Certainly men would enjoy them too.” Wrong! He was
gracious, of course, but the quizzical look on his face
told me that he didn’t quite get it, and I learned
a lesson. I was trying to give him a gift that I wanted
to receive, not what he wanted to receive.
This got me to thinking about the Golden Rule, “Always
treat others as you would like them to treat you.”
(Mt. 7:12) Certainly this is a generous maxim and helps
us treat others fairly – as we would like to be
treated. But are there times when the Christian might
go beyond the Golden Rule to an even deeper selflessness?
What if we revised the text to say, “Treat others
as they would like to be treated.”
Getting into another’s head and searching for what
would bring them pleasure, even though it might not be
what I would want, takes quite
a love.
For example, my son had a bad day at school – forgot
his homework, got laughed at for a mistake, etc. My inclination
was to talk it through with him. “How do you feel?
Is there anything I can do to help you?” etc. His
silence was off putting at first. After all, I was trying
to give him what I would want. It took me awhile to understand
that in this kind of situation he usually just wants to
be alone, to escape into his head or a game. What I could
do to help, was leave!
On a marital level this sometimes plays out at times when
I am feeling a lot of stress – usually from having
too much to do in too short a time. Jim, being the sensitive
husband that he is, rushes in to console me. He hugs me,
holds me, kisses me. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m
not always too grateful. What I really want is for someone
to do some of my work! Over time he has learned that he’ll
get a lot further if he offers to take some of my chores
off my hands. The hugging can come later. He, on the other
hand, feels unloved if there isn’t a certain amount
of physical affection. Offering to mow the lawn just doesn’t
cut it.
It’s hard to get into the habit of thinking this
way because it doesn’t feel natural – to me.
I have to put myself in the other person’s shoes
and figure out what he or she would want. I find myself
needing to curb that urge to drop in spontaneously on
friends just because I enjoy that kind of thing. Come
to think of it, isn’t that what Christ did when
he became human – put himself in our shoes, in our
flesh.
Some Questions for
Your Reflection
1. What makes my spouse (or child) happy that would not
work for me?
2. How does my spouse (or child) like to be consoled when
facing a difficulty? Is it the same or different from
my needs?
3. When I feel angry, how do I want the people around
me to respond? Does my spouse (or child) like a different
response?
For further reading on this theme, see
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples & Anyone
Who Cares About Truthtelling
GOSSIP
- TO TELL THE TRUTH
The
woman behind me in church was singing beautifully…too
beautifully. She sounded like a professional singer and
wasn’t blending in. She held every note past the
point the rest of the congregation had stopped. This annoyed
me even though I knew it shouldn’t. Of course I
couldn’t say anything to her. I didn’t even
know the woman since this was a church I don't usually
attend. But, as is often the case, I thought I’d
ask Jim’s opinion on our drive home in the privacy
of our car. And then I thought about truth. I thought
about the maxim I had heard years ago – Don’t
make comments to or about others unless it meets the following
criteria:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?
I evaluated. Yes, it was true. Although her singing was
technically proficient, it was not “group singing”.
Was it necessary that I comment on this to my husband?
Not really. Was it kind? No. So I summoned up my resolve
and realized that my urge was really an urge to gossip
and make myself superior. I thought about all of this
during the homily, which wasn’t particularly stirring
that day, so I thought it was a good use of my time. I
think God does speak to us at Mass, it’s just not
always the way the liturgists planned it.
As
I continue to think about my experience, I realize that
these three rules can probably be applied to most decisions
about whether or not to hold one’s tongue. Although
it would be best for questionable comments to pass all
three, as the homily wore on, I decided that two out of
three would be sufficient in most cases.
Yes,
the truth is always friendly, or almost always. It should
indeed be the first criteria. And sometimes it might be
necessary to deliver a message of parental or fraternal
correction that isn’t particularly kind. “Son,
the way you treated your sister was hurtful. I want you
to apologize.” There’s seldom any debate about
whether to deliver a true message that’s kind. It
may not be necessary, but it’s always appropriate.
Then
there’s the situation of a comment that’s
kind, and would be awkward to avoid, but might not be
true, like “Yes, I really love your mother’s
cooking.” Or, “Yes, that dress makes you look
thin, darling.” These white lies, I can accept although
technically they may not be completely true. So we’re
back to trying to keep all three criteria, but no less
that two – or hold your tongue.
It’s
tempting to criticize one’s spouse in the spirit
of mutual improvement. Children often criticize, and make
fun of others. So do their parents. Check yourself against
these 3 criteria: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
If not, it’s probably fault finding or gossip.
Have
you ever had an inner conflict over whether to tell the
truth?
Discuss with your spouse (or family) how each of you feels
about “white lies” and gossip.
BACK
TO TOP
LAUGHING
& LOVING WITH DAD
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
Option 1: Dad’s or Grandpa’s old clothes,
hats, shoes, ties…
Option 2: several puppets
Option 3: family picture albums
OPENING:
Light a candle and think of your own father, grandfather
or great-grandfather if you can remember them. Think of
what qualities these fathers have that you admire. Also,
are there “fathers” that are not related to
you that you think do a very good job of parenting? Quietly
think about these special men.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Fathers come in many shapes, sizes, and kinds. Most fathers
are good and loving to their children, but like all humans,
no father is completely perfect. Tonight we're going to
poke some good hearted fun at fathers and in the process
we might even understand fatherhood a little better.
READING:
Luke 11: 11-13 or Luke 15: 11-32
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Choose one or more of the following activities.
1. Imitating Dad
Everyone but Dad dresses up in the "Dad type"
clothes that have been collected. Dad is the audience
and his main job is to laugh heartily, clap loudly, and
enjoy everything. Everyone else pretends that they are
"Dad" and exaggerate his mannerisms and expressions.
The only rule is that the acting must not be hurtful or
bothersome to Dad.) When the frivolity dies down, close
by each person completing the sentence, "If I were
really a father the most important thing I would do (or
be) is ____________________________________."
2. Dad: Leading Man
Everyone in the family but Dad thinks of a significant
event in the family's life in which Dad had a major role.
It could be something serious in which Dad was a protector
or hero, or it could be something funny like a foolish
thing he did. Once everyone has his or her event in mind,
use puppets to act out the situation for Dad.
3. Where’s Dad?
Pull out the family's picture albums. Everybody makes
a guess as to how many times "Dad" is in an
album. Then play "Where's Dad" by finding and
counting how many times Dad appears. Encourage lingering
over pages that remind you of stories about Dad.
DISCUSSION:
After spoofing Dad awhile, discuss some of the following
questions:
• Are the qualities typical of fathers different
from the qualities of mothers? If so, how?
• Unfortunately, not everyone has a loving father.
Their father might be dead, no longer present, or perhaps
he just doesn't know how to be a good father. How can
people in these situations learn to be good fathers themselves?
• How are fathers portrayed in the media? Realistically?
Stereotypically?
• Not all fathers are the same. What would a father's
life be like if he were a single parent? a step-father?
a father with a disability? a father from a foreign country
or culture?
• Discussing grandfathers and great grandfathers
can be a great opportunity to discuss some aspects of
genealogy and a lesson in oral history from parents about
their memories, experiences, family stories and even legends.
Talk about best memories, funniest stories, etc.
• Who are there people we know who act like a loving
father to us (uncles, grandfathers, etc.)
TREAT:
Dad's choice - whatever is his favorite dessert.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded
reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
A
BALANCING ACT – GETTING CONTROL OF YOUR FAMILY’S
TIME
Adapted from Just Family Nights
OPENING:
The leader asks everyone to form a large circle with lots
of space on either side of you. Close your eyes. Lift
one leg and try to stay balanced for one minute. (Everyone
can count slowly together.) Half way through, open your
eyes to see if it’s any easier with eyes open.
After the silliness dies down, gather the family around
a table and light a candle. Ask each person to think silently
about: "What are all the different activities I'm
trying to balance in my life right now?"
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
The Spring Equinox (March 21) and the Fall Equinox (September
22) are the two days of the year when daylight and darkness
are most equally balanced. Let's take some time to check
out how balanced our lives are too.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Are we too busy?
A. Everyone makes a list of how they spend discretionary
time (time not spent sleeping, eating, at school or work)
If anyone has more than two outside activities (sports,
lessons, clubs, committees, etc.) re-evaluate whether
it is causing stress to the family system and should be
put on hold. If the family feels really stressed, just
pruning out unnecessary activities to allow relaxed, "empty"
time at home may be the goal. If, however, it's been awhile
since the family has had some fun together, share your
enjoyable family activities and decide one you'd like
to do today or soon. Schedule it. Do it.
B. Ask each person to name
an activity they really enjoy doing by themselves and
one they enjoy doing with the family.
CLOSING:
Sing "Day by Day" from Godspell.
TREAT:
Anything that comes in two equal parts (sandwich, cookies,
popsicles) or can be divided in half and shared. (That's
almost anything.)
Related scripture: Ecclesiastes
3:1-8
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights, Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded
reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
BONDING AS A COUPLE - SHARING FEELINGS
One way that couples develop
closeness is to share their feelings (not just their opinions
and plans but also their emotions) with each other. Often
sharing on this level comes more easily to one spouse
than the other. Following is a way to get in touch with
what each other really cares about and what joys and burdens
your spouse is carrying. It doesn’t require much
time (maybe 10-15 minutes). The only supplies needed are
a small piece of paper and pencil. You can do it almost
anywhere. Here’s how it works:
1. Each spouse writes
down 5-10 current or recent feelings they’ve had
(in the last 24 hours). For example:
• “Relieved” (that I met my deadline
at work)
• “Worried” (because one of our children
had a bad day at school)
• “Pleased” (that you agreed to do this
sharing time with me)
• “Frustrated” (because I couldn’t
get rid of a computer virus today)
• “Weary” (of picking up after everyone
in the house)
• “Joyous” (looking forward to a free
weekend)
2. One partner starts by sharing a feeling and
what prompted it. Be brief. This is not a time
for discussion.
3. Alternate. The other partner picks
a feeling to share and why until both are finished.
Caution:
This is not a time for discussion or solving problems,
but rather simply listening and trying to understand what’s
going on inside your spouse. If couples try to problem
solve or get into extensive discussion about negative
feelings, it can inhibit you from returning frequently
to this practice. It is meant as a quick check in. Certainly
if this exercise brings up an issue that needs further
discussion, plan a separate time to address the issue.
Some couples do this daily. Weekly is nice. Some just
do it when they’ve been feeling distant or disconnected.
This is a no guilt plan to deepen your love.
Adapted from the SHARING TIME concept
developed by David and Vera Mace of ACME (Association
of Couples in Marriage Enrichment)
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
SHARING DREAMS / MAKING THEM COME TRUE
1.
A dream that I have for our future is...
(This could be a fantasy that you don't
really expect to come true but enjoy dreaming about, or
it could be a hope that you’re committed to making
come true. Either can revitalize your relationship.)
2.
Five years from now I imagine that our life together will
be different in the following ways:
(Consider things like having a child, having fewer
children at home, different jobs, different home...)
3.
Write a one or two sentence description of your commitment
to your spouse.
(This might reflect a resolution you've made or it
may simply be a statement of your love for your spouse
put in your own words.)
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
ADVENT
WAITING 2
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
NOTE:
Although Advent is clearly a Christian season of preparing
for the birth of Jesus, Non-Christians may choose to focus
on "waiting" as a self-discipline which helps
the family appreciate the value of delayed gratification
and simplifying our lifestyle. Alternatively, Jewish families
may find many of the concepts below applicable to preparing
for Hanukkah.
BACKGROUND:
The Christmas season is already loaded (or overloaded)
with activity and traditions in most American families.
Our consumer culture has so appropriated this feast that
even families that have no particular religious reason
for celebrating Christmas, get very caught up in buying
and festivities. Celebrating in itself is not bad but
in the process of starting the Christmas season earlier
and earlier (in order to encourage "shopping days")
Christians often lose sight of the value of Advent –
the season of waiting and preparing for the birth of Jesus.
Even families who are not Christian, but share the season's
values of bringing peace and care to our neighbors and
our world yearn for a return to a simpler season. For
these reasons this Family Night focuses on reassessing
our Christmas activities and trying to return Advent to
its original spirit.
It is our assumption that most families already have a
plethora of customs and the need is not so much to offer
additional ones as to prune away burdensome ones and bring
the focus back to a quiet "waiting" in the dark
of the winter solstice for the light of Christ to be reborn.
In the following family night I suggest several customs
that help measure the "waiting time" such as
the Advent Wreath, Advent Calendar, and Advent Chain.
Use even these, however, with discretion, since the primary
goal is to unclutter this pre-Christmas season in order
to reclaim its true meaning.
Some families make it a point to write Christmas cards,
do Christmas tree decorating, parties and gift exchanges
only on, or after, December 25. This is a laudable goal
but must be balanced by the awareness that tampering with
family traditions can be a risky business. If it's going
to cause dissension or tension, better to be less pure
but happy with each other during this season. Likewise,
reducing and simplifying gift giving is also a worthy
goal, but must be balanced by sensitivity to the feelings
of those with whom we exchange gifts.
For those unfamiliar with the symbolism of the Advent
wreath:
1. The circle is a reminder of eternity - never ending.
2. The evergreens are a reminder of life that continues.
3. The four candles stand for the four weeks of Advent.
Purple candles are lit the first two weeks. A pink candle
is added the third week to symbolize a joyful break in
the solemn waiting. The third purple candle is added the
final week.
Thus, visually the family sees the gradual increase in
light as we move closer to the feast of Christmas.
YOU
WILL NEED:
Advent Wreath (If the family does not already have an
Advent Wreath buy or make one by using three purple candles
and one pink candle surrounded by evergreens shaped in
a circle)
Watch with a second hand for leader
Large piece of paper
OPTIONAL:
Advent Calendar
1" x 6" strips of construction paper
Creche figures
OPENING:
Assuming this Family Night is being done the first week
of Advent have the oldest child light the first candle
of the Advent Wreath. All sing the chorus to "O Come,
Emmanuel". If the family does not have the custom
of using the Advent Wreath, explain its meaning (see background.)
Then, without explaining why, the leader waits and does
absolutely nothing for exactly one minute.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
First debrief with the family what it felt like to have
to wait: doing nothing, for one minute without knowing
fully why or how long this would go on. Was there frustration,
anger, silliness? Did people feel "antsy"?
In its truest sense Advent is a time of active waiting
for the birth of Jesus. This doesn't mean that we sit
around and do nothing for the four weeks before Christmas
but rather that we spend our time quietly preparing for
this holy day. This is in stark contrast to our culture
which hurries Christmas (and most holidays) by not only
preparing for it but also celebrating it before its actual
time.
READING:
Luke 1:26-45
OR
"The $32 billion people in the U. S. spent last year
on Christmas gifts does not include the larger costs of
Christmas. Christmas has a great impact upon the environment.
Consider the waste disposal costs of this spending binge,
or the long-term costs of using irreplaceable natural
resources for non-necessity commodities. A drive down
the street on the first trash pick-up day after Christmas
is a sobering reminder of the amount of waste generated
in this celebration. Behind every pound of garbage at
curbside, there are approximately 20 pounds of industrial
or agricultural waste created in the process of production."
from Looking Behind the Cost of Christmas.
Milo Thornberry.
Alternatives, P.O. Box 429, Ellenwood, GA 30049 (404)961-0102
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Tonight we're going to focus on how our family can keep
the true spirit of Advent by learning to get better at
waiting and by rethinking our Advent and Christmas customs
so that they are in harmony with the Christmas spirit
of peacefulness, stewardship and simplicity.
1.
On a large sheet of paper have the family list all the
usual activities and customs your family does before and
after Christmas. (Examples: get Christmas tree, decorate
it, buy presents, bake cookies, put up lights, send Christmas
cards, use Advent Wreath, get out creche scene, decorate
house, have parties, exchange gifts, etc.)
2.
Go through the list and distinguish which activities are
truly preparing (i.e. making, buying presents) and which
are more celebrating (i.e. exchanging presents, parties)
Mark a "P" next to preparing activities and
a "C" next to celebrating activities.
3.
Go through the list again assessing the timing of the
activities. Does anyone in your family feel stressed,
overly busy, or hectic during Advent? If so, can you adjust
some of your customs so that they are more consistent
with a peaceful season of waiting?
A. Consider spacing the preparing activities so that they
gradually and humanely build toward Christmas. (i.e. First
week set up the Advent Wreath, second week set up the
creche scene, third week get Christmas tree, fourth week
do preliminary decorating.)
B. Are there any activities that you usually do during
Advent that really are celebrating activities? Could you
wait till Christmas Day or during the 12 days of Christmas
to do these? Are there even preparing activities that
you could wait to do until closer to Christmas? (Example:
wait to decorate the tree and put up stockings until Christmas
Eve.)
C. Are there some activities that you do out of habit
or duty that may be OK but add undue burden during Advent?
(Example: Do you bake out of obligation or out of love?)
Can you agree to eliminate any activities?
4.
Go through the list again and note whether there are any
activities that serve people in need or contribute to
peace in our world. If not, discuss how your family can
share your resources with those who have less as a way
of being faithful to the true spirit of Christmas. (Examples:
make a significant donation to a charity, provide gifts
for a family in need, go Christmas caroling at a nursing
home, etc. Most churches and organizations offer plenty
of opportunities for service at this time of year.)
5.
Can you all live with your family decisions? Post them
in a prominent place in the house. If desired, the family
can make the list more "artful" by putting a
big star or Christmas tree in the middle of a large piece
of paper with one side labeled "preparing" and
the other "celebrating" and list appropriate
activities on each side. Children could decorate the chart.
6.
Choose one or more of the following activities that can
help the family measure this time of waiting.
A. The opening Advent Wreath ritual itself may be sufficient
since each week an additional candle is lit.
B. Make or purchase Advent Calendar(s) so that a window
can be opened each day.
C. Make an Advent Chain by cutting 1" x 6" strips
of multi-colored construction paper. Each night at dinner
each person puts the name of a person or cause for which
they want to pray on a strip. Staple together each day.
By Christmas there is a chain of prayers to decorate the
tree.
D. Invite children to add a piece of straw to the manger
each time they do a good deed.
E. Ceremoniously unwrap each creche figure and together
set up the creche scene in a place of honor.
TREAT:
Something easy to prepare - no waiting; cookies, ice cream,
etc.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, expanded
reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
WHEN
WE DISAGREE
Unless
one spouse is exceedingly passive or afraid to displease
his/her partner, married couples will have disagreements.
This is not bad; it is an expression of self-differentiation
and identity. The challenge is to make these times of
disagreement – emotionally difficult as they sometimes
are – times of growth, not undue hurt.
Following
are five ways to approach your next disagreement. I call
them the “5 C”s”
1. Concede
Although you may not be willing to “just give in”
when you both feel emotionally involved in an argument,
this works when one partner is NOT strongly committed
to a position and it is more of a preference. For the
sake of family harmony you might decide to freely bend
your will to let your partner have his/her way this time.
The conceder must be willing to not harbor resentment.
For example, although both of you may want to visit your
own relatives over Christmas, maybe it is more important
to go to your spouse’s family this year because
of a recent death in the family.
2.
Compromise
This classic negotiation format is well known but often
neglected in the heat of anger. Each mate gives up something
for the sake of the relationship. For example, I’ll
come and watch your softball game this week if you’ll
join me in some recreation I enjoy (maybe a book club)
next week.
3.
Chance
Sometimes ways to compromise or take turns are not obvious
or practical. If an evening of recreation cannot be split,
you might just flip a coin, pick lots, etc. The key is
for the loser to practice the self-discipline of gracefully
letting go of his/her preference and not sabotage the
decision by holding a grudge while ostensibly agreeing
to it.
4.
Co-Existence
When neither partner is willing to accede to the spouse's
wish (even part-way or for a time) agreeing to disagree
may be the best solution. Spouses keep their own opinion
or desire and allow the other to do the same. This works
when the decision is relatively minor or there is not
enough time to fully explore options. Caution: Co-Existence
is not appropriate when one spouse’s decision interferes
with the partner’s freedom to decide. For example,
couples cannot agree to disagree on whether to have a
child, whether one should stop working, whether to move,
etc. Life values and moral questions that impact each
other must be resolved mutually.
5.
Create a New Possibility
Spouses work together to brainstorm new options that neither
one had thought of previously. This takes some energy
and creativity but often is the most life giving option.
Example: Instead of choosing whose relatives to visit
at Christmas, invite everyone to your home, meet at a
cabin in the woods, hold a videoconference, etc.
Which
one is best?
One way to know which of these options to use is for spouses
to independently rank how strongly they feel about getting
their way on a scale of 1 – 10 (1 being, I don’t
much care to 10 being grounds for separate bedrooms)
If
one spouse is close to 10 (feels extremely strongly on
the issue) and the other is closer to 1 (doesn’t
much care) Conceding would be the gracious way to go.
(The only exception to this is if there is a pattern where
the same spouse consistently is at 9 or 10. This is just
manipulation or selfishness and needs to be confronted.)
If
both of you are near the middle (4, 5, 6) consider Compromise
or Chance.
If
both of you feel strongly (7, 8, 9, 10) consider Co-Existing
or Creating a New Possibility.
If
neither of you care much (1, 2, 3) then you probably aren’t
having an argument.
Consensus
Consensus is an additional option available to groups
trying to come to a decision when there are conflicting
opinions. After all sides of an issue have been aired
and dissenting views heard, the leader takes a sense of
the group and suggests the direction that seems to have
emerged with the most support. Although it may not be
everyone’s first choice or preferred way to go,
if everyone can live with the proposed decision without
serious reservations, a consensus is declared in order
to let the group move forward. If there ARE still serious
reservations the group continues to talk and test compromises
until consensus can be reached.
This
model is adapted from the Growth in Marriage for Newlyweds
program developed by Family & Children Services of
Kansas City and the Association of Couples for Marriage
Enrichment (ACME).
BACK
TO TOP
For Families
LIFE
& DEATH
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Balloons
Pin
OPENING:
Light a candle and ask each member to take a moment to
silently think about a relative, friend, or pet that has
recently died. Think about the good they did and the joy
they brought to us when they were alive.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
If this is done near Halloween, the leader may explain
that the custom of Halloween is connected with the Christian
feast of All Saints' Day. Halloween, or "Holy Eve"
was the night before we remember the saints who have died.
If
this is done upon the death of a relative, friend, or
beloved pet, merely comment that we are gathering to remember
our love for ___________and to share our sadness now that
s/he has died.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Blow up the balloon and play with it for awhile. Talk
about how fun it is and what color it is and how much
we like it. Then pop the balloon. You are left with the
physical shell, but the life, the fun, is gone with the
air. The air from the balloon, however, is still in the
room with us. When a person dies, we believe that his
or her spirit is still with us. The body is dead and will
be buried, but as long as we remember the person, part
of them, like the air, is still with us even if we can't
see them anymore.
If
it is a small pet that has died, hold a simple burial.
Dig a hole in a corner of the yard, wrap the pet in tissue
and place it in the hole. Before covering the pet with
dirt, the leader invites everyone to say how the pet brought
joy to our life and how much we loved the pet. If desired,
a spontaneous prayer might be said asking God's blessing
on the pet and on us in our sadness over our loss. Cover
the hole and give comfort to each other.
TREAT:
Depending on the nature of the occasion, the family may
not be in the mood for a festive treat. If the death is
not a recent one, however, and the family is in the mood,
a bunch of balloons could be blown up to play with. Hollow
candy or puff pastry might also be fun.
Related
Scripture if desired: John 12:24
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
HOW
DO I KNOW THEE ?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS
Please
answer the following questions separately, then compare
and discuss.
Be honest!
| 1.
How much money would I spend without consulting my
spouse first?_____ |
| 2.
If I could buy anything, what would it be? |
My
spouse? |
| 3. What
is my favorite place to go out to eat? |
My spouse’s? |
| 4. If
I could vacation anywhere on earth, where would it
be? |
My spouse’s? |
| 5. What
is my favorite movie? |
My spouse’s? |
| 6. What
is my favorite reading material or book? |
My spouse’s? |
| 7. What
is my favorite time of day? |
My spouse’s? |
| 8. Where
is my favorite place to made love? |
My spouse’s? |
| 9. What
makes me laugh? |
My spouse? |
| 10. When
is my prayer time? |
My spouse’s? |
| 11. Household
chores I despise. |
My spouse’s? |
12.
My favorite thing to wear.
| What's
my spouse say I look good in? |
| 13. What
is my spouse’s shoe size? ______ |
|
| 14. What
do I think we disagree about the most? |
What does
my spouse think? |
| 15. What
is my favorite “pig out” food? |
My spouse’s? |
| 16. What
is my favorite leisure activity? |
My spouse’s? |
| 17. My
favorite expression is… |
My spouse’s? |
| 18.
Do we make love enough? _____ |
What would
my spouse say? ____ |
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
FORGIVE
& FORGET
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
A hand puppet for each person in the family (socks with
buttons for eyes can substitute)
OPENING:
Light a candle while each family member silently thinks
about "What do I generally get most mad about in
our family? With whom do I fight the most?"
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
Most people don’t have much trouble starting an
argument. We want to get better at stopping them. Anytime
people live closely together and lead a common life, there
are going to be differences - different personalities,
different opinions, and different ways of doing things.
The problem comes when we let a fight or argument cause
hurt - either physical hurt or hurt feelings. Let’s
get better at fighting and forgiving tonight.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
What’s the beef?
Thinks of a recent time you felt angry with another member
of your family and maybe got into a fight. Invite everyone
to let their puppet act out the situation using their
own puppet and the puppet of the other person. It's OK
to exaggerate the conflict a little for drama and humor's
sake.
Solving
the beef
After everyone has had a chance to act out their "beef",
it's time to solve the beef. The leader asks for suggestions
for the family's Rules For Fighting. List them on a large
sheet of paper. The list may include such things as:
1. No name calling.
2. No hitting.
4. If two people want the same thing and only one can
have it, toss a coin or pick numbers. (The person closer
to the parent's number gets it.)
5. What are some agreed upon consequences that will happen
when familiar fights erupt (i.e. no TV, time out, go to
different rooms, no one gets it, etc.)
6. Add your own.
Display
the list in a prominent place.
Finishing
the beef
Invite everyone to use their puppets to replay their fight
of a few minutes ago using the RULES FOR FIGHTING to get
to a satisfactory resolution.
Forgiving
the beef
At the end of each pair's skit, the two members take off
their puppets and the leader asks if they feel they can
ask for and offer forgiveness. Complete with a hug.
NOTE
TO LEADER: "I'm sorry that you feel hurt" can
be used if someone believes a problem is not their fault.
Also, "I'm sorry" should not be forced or required,
but only encouraged, since it must be genuine to be believed
and effective. If a member is not ready to ask or offer
forgiveness, merely accept this reality and express the
hope that time will heal the hurt.
To
close, the whole family stands in a circle, takes two
steps toward the middle of the circle and has a "family
hug".
TREAT:
Try "eating your words". Take Alphabits cereal,
spell out any angry feelings you might have had and "eat"
them to get rid of them.
Related
Scripture if desired: Matthew 18:21-35
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
COMMUNICATION
CHECK-UP
1.
What are the feelings that I find most difficult to express
to my spouse?
(For example: inadequacy, jealousy, fear, anger, failure,
praise, tenderness, etc.) Why?
2.
Is one of us more at ease expressing emotions while the
other is more the "thinker"? How does this affect
our communication?
3.
When I feel really angry with my partner, I usually...
4.
I really like it when my spouse shows his/her love for
me by...
5.
I would really like it if my spouse would also...
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
WE’RE
ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Picture of the Earth or a globe to pass around.
Web of Life Game supplies: ball of string or yarn, make
8 nature cards with string to go around necks for: sun,
plants, food, water, soil, air, animals, and people
OPENING:
Light a candle and sing a song like "This Land is
Your Land".
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
The earth we live on is like a giant organism. Sometimes
this is called an eco-system and it means that everything
in, on, and above the earth is connected. When one part
of the system changes or is hurt this affects other parts.
Even parts of the environment that are not generally thought
of as alive like the sun, water, or soil impact each other
and all life.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
"Web of Life" - Instructions:
Form a circle. Place one nature card on each player (Smaller
families can give more than one card to a person). The
leader is a spider in the middle of the circle and will
weave a magical web, "The web of life". Tell
the story of ecology below. Weave or pass string from
sun to plant to food to water, etc, when indicated by
the story.
THE
WEB OF LIFE:
All things on earth, living and non-living, in some way
depend on each other. This relationship is called the
balance of nature. It is the web of life.
All life depends upon the sun.
Green plants need the sun to make their own food,
Water, soil and air are also necessary.
Some animals eat plants,
Humans depend upon plants and animals for food.
humans must be aware of this balance of nature and do
their best to protect and preserve it.
Finally,
recite the Earth Pledge. The family could make a collage
of beautiful nature scenes and write the Earth Pledge
on it. This could be hung in a prominent place as a reminder
and recited periodically.
The
Earth Pledge
I promise to care for all the earth
Because of its life and awesome worth.
For land and water and plants and air,
For animals and people everywhere.
For all that lives, and all that gives
Me LIFE, I give my word.
TREAT:
Serve vegetables and dip or fresh fruit to represent produce
from the earth.
Related
Scripture if desired: Romans 12:5-6
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Couples
COUPLE
FUN INVENTORY
Instructions:
Each spouse rates the following on a scale of 1-10 with
1 being the least enjoyable and 10 being the most enjoyable
kind of fun or recreation you do as a couple.
Husband/Wife
_____/_____ Visiting/hosting friends
_____/_____ Dining out together
_____/_____
Traveling together
_____/_____ Going to parties
_____/_____ Participating in sports together
_____/_____ Watching sports together
_____/_____ Romantic evenings together
_____/_____
Playing games at home
_____/_____
Sharing jokes or humor
_____/_____ Plays, concerts, movies
_____/_____
Surprising/Being surprised
_____/_____
Working together to fix things up
_____/_____
Joint service/civic/faith projects
_____/_____
Other _________________________________________
When finished, talk about each area in terms of similar
or different ratings and how you feel about your answers.
Do you want to make any changes, either as an individual
and as a couple?
How can you be more playful and have fun without "working
at it"?
Is there anything you really like to do together that
doesn't cost much or any money?
REMEMBERING FUN OR
PLAYFUL TIMES
•Recall
a humorous incident or story in your relationship that
made you laugh.
•Recall
a time in your relationship when you were surprised by
your partner.
•Remember
a time when the two of you did something unusual or crazy.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
A PIECE
OF THE PIE
Adapted from Just Family Nights and a nice
complement to tax season
YOU
WILL NEED:
Dollar bill (or play money)
Match, plus a safe way to burn the money
Poker chips (or similar counters such as buttons or
pebbles)
Tripoli (or similar game that can use poker chips) or
Monopoly
Paper and crayons for younger children
OPENING:
Leader dramatically burns a dollar bill (or play money
if you can't bring yourself to destroy the real thing)
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
NOTE TO LEADER: This session works best when there
is an element of surprise, so announce the theme simply
as "Money". In this way, the experience itself
is the teacher. For example, "Let's play a game
using pretend money, since most of us don't have money
to burn. People sometimes use poker chips as a substitute
for money in games, so that's how we'll do it."
Prepare
to play a poker chip game like Tripoli or a cash game
like Monopoly.
If the family is not familiar with this game or a similar
one, teach the game first and perhaps do a sample round
under the normal rules.
Once
everyone understands the game, the leader distributes
the poker chips or play money making sure to allot them
unevenly. For example, the youngest child may get the
most and there should be other obvious inequalities.
It
is unlikely that the game will get very far before a
reaction from those who were dealt less chips or money
erupts. At this point the leader stops the game to discuss
the feelings of the different players.
•Why is it unfair that you didn't get as many
chips/money?
•How do those of you who got more feel?
•Did you do anything special to deserve more chips/money?
•Who wants to keep playing?
The
leader then explains that unfortunately this unfair
distribution of money really happens in the real world.
In fact, 6% of the world's population (the equivalent
of the population of the U.S.A.) uses 40% of the world's
resources. Many people are born poor and didn't do anything
to deserve it, but have a hard time getting money because
they don't have good health, a good education, or have
a family that helps them succeed.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. The family could continue to discuss why inequities
of wealth exist in our country and in our world. Do
we know anyone who has fewer material goods than us?
Is there a discreet way to help someone who currently
has a legitimate need for more money? Should our family
consider tithing our time and resources?
2. When discussion has run its course, the original
game of Tripoli or Monopoly could be restarted with
everyone getting an equal amount of chips/money.
TREAT:
Anything green or round like coins would be fitting,
perhaps green cookies or thin mints.
Related
Scripture if desired: Matthew 19:23-26
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
I
FEEL LOVED WHEN…
It
is particularly nice to feel loved and cared for by
one special person. It is an unrealistic expectation,
however, to think that one partner can ‘just naturally
know’ what helps the other feel especially loved.
It is a romantic myth that “If you really loved
me, you would know what I want.”
Individually
complete the following sentence:
I feel loved when ____________________ OR, I appreciate
it when _______________________
List
at least five actions or behaviors your spouse has done
that helped you feel loved or that you especially appreciated.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
When
both of you have completed your responses, take turns
sharing with your spouse.
Adapted
from: Marriage Enrichment Resources by the
National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers
(NACFLM), www.nacflm.org
Used with permission
| uew |
| | |
