For
Families - June
BECOMING A GLOBAL
FAMILY
You don't have to get on a plane to become
more worldly.
YOU WILL NEED:
Globe (or map of the world if a globe is not available)
Poster board or large paper
Picture magazines that treat global issues (news magazines,
National Geographic, etc.)
Crayons, markers, scissors.
OPENING:
Invite the family around the kitchen table or other
gathering place. Place the globe and a candle prominently
on the table in the midst of the letters, articles,
or other resources mentioned above. Light the candle
and sing a song like,"He's Got the Whole World
in His Hands" as you pass the globe around the
table.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
We are all one human family. Sometimes, however, we
become so wrapped up in what we are doing and our own
problems that we forget we are part of a global family
with brothers and sisters of all races, religions and
nationalities.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Make a collage with the faces of people from all over
the world. Title it something like, We Are One Global
Family. Hang it prominently at home or in your church
or school.
TREAT:
Chex or other party mix.
Related Scripture: 1 Corinthians
12:12-13, 26
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
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For
Everyone
A DIFFERENT KIND
OF LENT
For people who have tried everything
Traditionally Lent is a
time to take stock of our lives, make changes, simplify,
and do penance. Lenten practices typically range from:
• Giving up candy to giving up complaining
• Praying more to caring more
• Donating money to those in need to accepting
with humility that you are one of those people in need
• and of course going to a fish fry
This Lent is not typical, however, as our country and
world are consumed with the economy. Some have lost
jobs, others may lose theirs. All of us are impacted
by the economic upheaval that is going on around us.
Perhaps this is a Lent that you and your family could
ask yourselves some tough questions about money, spending,
and doing without. For example:
1. What’s my spending personality?
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5           6          7        
8          9         10
   Tightwad             
           
                      
            
            
           
     Spendthrift
   Do I need to reign in my spending or be more
generous?
2. What can I
live without?
Car? Washer/Dryer? A/C? Microwave? TV? Computer? Cell
Phone? Dishwasher? Other?
3. Is it better
to save the earth or to save money?
What would you be willing to pay a higher price for
because it’s better for humanity or the earth?
4. Consider fasting in a new way this Lent:
• Fast from technology one day a week - spend
face-to-face time with someone instead.
• Fast from buying stuff one day a week (food
and gas are allowed)
• Fast from electrity one day a week or fast
from light for an hour March 28 at 8:30p. See how.
• Fast from speed. Try slowing down and not racing
to get things done or to get places quickly.    Spend
some quality relationship time with your family and
God.
5. When you're
not fasting from technology, try focussing on:
The "Last
40"
In order to keep our own needs in perspective, try praying
for one of the 40 poorest countries in the world each
day of Lent. The "Last
40" is a resource developed by the Marianists
to make it easy. The feelings you have after reading
the letters from someone in each day's country might
not be so easy.
The "Miniature
Earth"
This inspiring video clip helps us be mindful of our
place in the world.
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For
Families
A WORLD OF FAITH
OPENING:
If the weather is pleasant, gather outside in a circle
and invite the family to gaze at the sky and contemplate
how all of this came to be.
If the weather is not so comfortable, light a candle
and focus on it as the family ponders the source of
life and power in our world.
Do either of these activities reverently, in silence,
for about one minute.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
It's important to know what you believe. It's also helpful
to understand what other people believe. While we may
be very committed to our own religion and see it as
a positive force in our life, over the centuries, people
have fought wars over whose religion was right. Regardless
of how we personally understand God, it is important
to respect the deeply held religious beliefs that are
different from our own.
Each of the world's major
religions began with a person who believed he or she
had been given Divine Revelation. The founder taught
a few people and they started telling other people.
Now each of these religions has millions of people in
the world who seek the Divine, and use the Holy Book
of that religion to guide their lives.
Each religious tradition
seeks to help its members understand the human experience
and the nature of God. Learning about other religions
can help us recognize what ideas are universal to all
people who seek God, and what are unique and essential
characteristics of our own faith. Maybe as we learn
to understand and respect another’s religion,
the differences will seem less important than the care
we have for each other.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. Tie eight knots in a rope at regular intervals, at
least 6" apart. Each knot represents 500 years
with the first knot being 2000 B.C.E. and the eighth
knot being 2000 C.E. The middle of the rope is year
0 C.E. Suspend the rope between two chairs or lay it
on the ground.
2. Attach the symbol cards to the rope at the approximate
founding date of the religion.
3. Take turns matching the Founder and the Holy Book
cards to their religions.
DISCUSSION:
1. What do you like most and value about your own religion?
2. Look up one of the religions that is different from
your own on the internet. Can you find one thing that
is similar to your religion and one thing that is different?
(Google “major world religions” for help)
TREAT:
Make pancakes. Use squeeze margarine or cake frosting
tubes to draw symbols of the world's religions.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
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For
Couples
DISPENSE ONE-A-DAY VERBAL VITAMINS
When
you love someone, it seems so natural to communicate
that love through words of love and actions of kindness.
So why do so many long married couples gradually lessen
this practice by taking each other for granted? We've
said, "I love you" a thousand times. We figure
our spouse should remember. We become complacent.
Untended love, however, can wither and die. Keep your
eyes open and look for opportunities to recognize the
gifts and talents of your beloved. Don't keep your love
secret or another, more vocal, secret admirer may take
your place.
When
tempted to complain about your spouse, think of at least
one positive trait that you admire and say it. "Honey,
you know I love you" is nice, but not enough. Your
compliment should be specific and true. If you find
yourself repeating yourself every day, you're not looking
hard enough.
From
Marriage: 12 Ways to Strengthen a Bold Promise
by Susan Vogt.
To order go to: www.creativecommunications.com
and search on my name.
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For
Couples
COUPLE FUN: PLAY TIME OR WASTED
TIME?
You are probably courting
or married because you enjoy having fun together. With
time, however, interests can change or we can just get
busy about life and not take the time to recreate together.
Check your “Play Quotient” to see if you’re
in the same ball park.
Recreation Preferences:
When it’s time to have fun
                        
I prefer:                  
                 
                 
       My spouse
prefers:
1. Indoor             
Either           
Outdoor                        Indoor          
  Either            
Outdoor
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                  1          2        
3         4        
5
2. Sedentary      
Either           
Physical                      
Sedentary       Either           
Physical
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                  
1         2        
3         4        
5
3. Solitary           
Either          
Groups/Teams            
Solitary          
Either          
Groups/Teams
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                   1          2         
3         4         
5
4. Cooperative   
Either          
Competitive                 
Cooperative   Either          
Competitive
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                   1          2         
3         4         
5
5. Intellectual        
Either          
Brainless                
       Intellectual      
Either           
Brainless       stimulation                             
relaxation                      
stimulation                             
relaxation  
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                 
1          2        
3         4         
5
6. Spectator       
Either         Participative                    Spectator         Either          
Participative
         1       
  2         
3         4         
5                                 
1          2        
3         4         
5
For Discussion:
7. How much fun do you get per hour:
     How may hours per week do you typically
spend recreating by yourself? _____
     (include fitness regimens, playing
computer/video games, etc.)
     How many hours per week do you spend
recreating with your spouse? _____
     If you have children, how many hours
do you spend recreating with them? _____
8. How much fun do you get per dollar:
     Is cost a factor in what kind of
recreation you choose?
     Is it worth it?
9. Couple time vs. individual time:
     Does your spouse spend a lot of
time (more than one night a week) doing a hobby or
     recreation that you don’t
share?
10. What’s your favorite way to relax together?
SCORING:
+1 point for each Recreation Preference in which you
and your spouse differ by no more than 2.
+1 point for each correct prediction of spouse’s
response (within 1 point)
+5 points for 6-15 hours of couple recreation per week
–5 points for less than 5 hours or more than 15
hours of couple recreation (unless you’re retired)
+5 points if you share two or more hobbies
–5 points if you don’t share any hobbies
–3 points if either of you regularly spend more
than one night a week recreating apart from the family
Total points:
0 – 5 points: Take a break. You are at risk for
being a dull, over-worked mate.
6 – 15 points: Is your job so much fun that you’re
counting it as play? Unless you’re retired, consider
that you may be focused too much on your own pleasure.
Look for ways to serve others during your discretionary
time.
16+ points: You probably have a healthy balance of fun,
family, and work in your life.
BONUS questions for
discussion:
Humor:
The kinds of thing that makes me laugh are:
Jokes, my own foibles, practical jokes, puns, comics,
_______________________________
When “Whatever you
want to do, honey” is not really true, I'd rather:
A. rent a movie                           
B. go to a movie theater.
A. go to a play, concert, dinner  B. stay home and
play cards, a game, or watch TV
A. watch a sport                           B.
play the sport                
C. do something unrelated to sports
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For
Couples
IS
YOUR MARRIAGE FINANCIALLY SOUND?
OR ARE YOU HEADED FOR RELATIONSHIP BANKRUPTCY?
1. Rate yourself
according to your natural inclination to spend money:
    Tightwad      Frugal       Neutral       Generous       Spendthrift
         1                 
2                3                  4                        5
     Rate
your spouse:
        1                 
2               
3                  4                        5
2. Rate your ability
to put money into savings:
         1                 
2               
3                 
4                       
5
     Rate
your spouse's ability:
         1                 
2               
3                 
4                       
5
3. Circle the phrase
that best describes your shopping style:
A. Utilitarian (I go, I buy, I’m out.)
B. Laissez-faire (When I see something I like, I buy
it. I don’t plan for it, I just follow my whim.)
C. Bargain Hunter (I check the ads. When something’s
on sale, I snatch it, stock up.)
D. Therapy (When I’m in a blue mood, buying something
helps me feel better.)
E. Recreation (I like to window-shop. I can spend hours
shopping alone or with friends.)
Star the phrase
that you think best describes your spouse.
4. Agree/Disagree?
Separately mark if you Agree (A) or Disagree (D) with
each of the following statements.
A. It’s important to be frugal and thrifty with
our money regardless of how much we make.
B. I think that we should have a new car at least every
five years.
C. I’d rather put money into a house than take
a vacation or other recreation.
D. I prefer to handle paying the bills.
E. It’s best to maintain separate checking or
savings accounts.
F. It’s OK to keep some “treat” money
that my spouse doesn’t know about.
    (to treat myself or buy a surprise for my spouse)
G. I think it is O.K. to maintain a balance due on a
credit card.
H. I think that we should pay cash for all purchases
except a house or a car.
I.   I think that a portion of every pay check should
be saved.
J. If money is tight, I would only buy insurance that
is legally required, i.e. car & mortgage
     insurance.
K. I think it is O.K. to gamble, so long as I don’t
use the grocery money.
L. I think it is O.K. to ask our parents for financial
assistance.
M. I think it’s important to have one parent at
home when our children are young.
N. I think that we should make regular gifts to charity.
O. I think it is O.K. to fudge on our tax return; everybody
does it.
Compare answers with your
spouse. Was your assessment of each other in questions
1, 2, and 3 accurate? Discuss the items you disagreed
on in question 4.
It’s not necessary
to have the same spending habits, but it is important
to know where you differ (especially if either of you
are 1’s or 5’s on the continuum) since that
is likely an area of tension between you. Sometimes
differences are healthy since one spouse’s desire
to save might “save” the marriage from financial
recklessness. But it doesn’t mean there won’t
be arguments about it.
SCORING:
Questions 1 and 2:
____ total of your own ratings for Questions 1 and 2
(out of a possible 10 points)
____ total of your spouse’s ratings for Questions
1 and 2 (out of a possible 10 points)
If your totals are separated by:
• 3 or fewer points, you are very financially
compatible, but check to see if your similarities are
at the extremes since being too much alike can cause
problems. Two tightwads may need to loosen up and spend
some money having fun together. Two spendthrifts may
need to cut up their credit cards or work with a financial
counselor to develop a realistic budget.
• 4 – 6 points, you’re on the same
wavelength and hopefully balance each other out
• 7 – 8 points, better see a financial or
marriage counselor before you end up in bankruptcy or
divorce court.
Question 3:
Discuss
Question 4 (Agree/Disagree):
____ total statements for which you gave the same answer
(except D)
If you agree with each other on:
10-15 statements, you have open communication about
financial matters and similar financial values
5-9 statements, you urgently need to discuss the items
you have different opinions about.
1-4 statements, a consultation with a credit or marriage
counselor is long overdue. Make an appointment today.
Contact: www.nfcc.org,
for credit counseling or your local
family life office for a referral to a marriage
counselor.
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For Families - March
2008
COUCH POTATO CRITICS
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
TV. VCR, or DVD player plus the TV schedule or an interesting
movie.
In advance, review the TV schedule and choose a show
(or pick a movie) that has an issue or theme that might
lend itself to discussion
TREAT:
Popping a big bag of popcorn to eat during the show
can set the mood for an evening of sharing.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
The leader gives a brief description of the show's theme
and what to watch for.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Network television is very nice to provide convenient
breaks (also known as commercials) during which the
family can discuss things. During commercial breaks
discuss how the theme is being shown in the characters
or through the plot. (Use the remote control to mute
the sound to avoid distraction.) The following options
might help get the discussion going:
OPTION
1:
Each person can select a character to be during the
first commercial break. Watch how your character is
affected by the issue being addressed. How does your
character feel? What are your concerns, fears, joys
etc? After the show the family might even want to stay
in character for awhile and make up an alternative ending
to play out.
OPTION
2:
Each person can imagine that they are the writer/director
and try to guess what might happen at the end of the
show. It is interesting to compare these predictions
with how the actual plot unfolds.
DISCUSSION:
One suggested show is Star Trek: The Next Generation.
It addresses many of today's issues in a non-threatening
and interesting way. Even teenagers can get interested
in it. Furthermore, Star Trek is in syndication
so reruns can be found on almost any night.
Note:
The leader must be prepared to redirect the discussion
if the theme turns out to be something different than
expected. It is okay to shift to another theme or another
show if necessary.
Related
Scripture if desired: Sirach 6:33
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights. Susan
Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See original
book of 60 family nights for age adaptations, more readings,
activities, songs, recipes, and background.
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For
Families
MARTIN LUTHER KING and KWANZAA aren’t just for
Blacks
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
• Summary of Martin Luther King's life. (Check
the internet or library.)
• Strips of red, green and black paper, ribbon,
or yarn cut in 4"- 6" lengths, (2-4 per family
member).
• Kwanzaa kinara (candleholder) with a red, a
green and a black candle. (Candle alternative: place
three candles in candle holders and attach a piece of
ribbon, yarn, or strip of red, green, or black paper
around the bottom.) Place in the center of the table.
• A single candle to be used for the opening and
to light the others.
OPENING:
Light the single candle and turn off a few lights. Enjoy
the glow and discuss briefly what candlelight does to
darkness. With young children sing a few verses of This
Little Light.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
This Family Night uses the symbols of Kwanzaa* (an African
American celebration of values) to commemorate the life
of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a great African American
who taught people of all races about freedom and equality.
Dr. King's birthday is observed on the third Monday
of January. We honor Dr. King annually in order to remember
the important things that he taught.
Kwanzaa is observed December 26 - January 1 each year.
In celebrating Kwanzaa, African Americans and others
are reminded of their history and struggle. Kwanzaa
is a time to keep African American families strong,
to encourage people to work together for the good of
all people, and to picture a prosperous future for African
American children. All of these things were also important
to Martin Luther King.
READING:
Read a story about or a speech by Martin Luther King.
As you read about his experiences, tell how you may
have felt, or what you might have wanted to do, if you
were in his place.
AND
Matthew 5:9-12, 14-16.
Talk about how these verses relate to the life of Dr.
King. In what ways did he bring light into his world?
How did he let his light and the light of God shine?
What happened to him as a peacemaker?
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Give an equal number of paper, yarn or ribbon strips
to each person present. As each kinara candle is lit,
a family member reads the appropriate introduction below,
After each candle is lit, take turns telling a way in
which Dr. King lived the words which were read placing
the strips of paper, ribbon, or yarn at the base of
the candle.
Reader #1: "We light
the black Kwanzaa candle to remember that Dr. King worked
to create 'UMOJA'- unity in the family, community, nation,
and race."
Take turns naming things which Dr. King was able to
change for people, such as desegregation of buses.
Reader #2: "We light
the red Kwanzaa candle to celebrate the 'KUUMBA'- creativity
with which Dr. King worked to make his community and
the world a better place."
Tell unique ways in which Dr. King helped people to
do that, such as creative ways of protesting without
using violence.
Reader #3: "We light
the green Kwanzaa candle to remind us to keep our 'IMANI'-
faith, as Dr. King encouraged us to hold onto our dream
for ourselves and for our future."
Name some rights and values which Dr. King believed
belonged to all people.
NOTE TO LEADER: These are
only three of the seven principles of Kwanzaa. If time
and interest warrant, the other four principles could
be used in like fashion.* Conclude by each person choosing
a colored strip and telling a way in which he or she
will follow the example set by Dr. King. Keep the strip
to remind you to follow through on your commitment.
Close by holding hands and
singing: We Shall Overcome
TREAT:
Share red, green and brown M & M's. (Red and green
fruit or vegetables could be served as an alternative.
For example, slices of red and green apple or cherry
tomatoes and broccoli flowerettes.) Mixing all the colors
of food together signify how Dr. King felt that people
of the world should be able to live together in harmony.
The taste of the candy emphasizes the sweetness of achieving
King's goals. Although each piece of candy is a different
color on the outside, inside they are all the same.
Color should not be used to determine the core value
of a person.
AGE ADAPTATION:
For pre-schoolers, focus more simply on the concept
of light. Light the candle and talk simply about some
of the ways Dr. King shone as a light. Light can help
us to see in the darkness. Dr. King helped many people
to see that everyone should be treated equally and fairly,
regardless of the color of his or her skin.
Deepen this experience with teenagers by discussing
a few more questions:
• In what ways did Dr. King die for an important
cause?
• In what ways did Dr. King die in vain?
• How would your school be different if everyone
valued what Dr. King worked to achieve?
• In what way or ways would you be different if
you acted on Dr. King's beliefs?
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See
the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
* For more information on Kwanzaa, see Just Family Night,
Theme #60.
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For
Couples
ARE WE WALKING WITH THE SAME MORAL COMPASS?
Couples don’t have
to always agree on what color to paint the kitchen but
disagreeing on when to have a baby or whether both spouses
should work outside the home are decisions of values
and conscience. If it’s a matter of morality,
the rule of thumb is to not violate the more restrictive
conscience. If this becomes a pattern, however, check
for scrupulosity.
Circle the number that
best reflects how much your care about the following
moral issues:
Don’t care                         Somewhat Important
                     Very Important
1                         2                            3                             4                        5
1. Attending religious
services religiously, i.e. weekly. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
2. Raising our children
in faith. 1
- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
3. Have our children attend religious schools
even if it’s a financial hardship. 1
- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
4. Having our children
attend a religious education program if they don’t
go to a religious school.
    1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
5. Donating a portion
of our income (ideally a tithe of 10%) to charity. 1
- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
6. Planning our family
in accordance with church teaching. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -
5
7. Having one parent
at home while the children are young. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
- 5
8. Paying our legitimate
taxes even if others do not. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
9. Caring for the environment
by doing things like recycling, avoiding excessive packaging,
minimizing car use, composting… 1 - 2 - 3 - 4
- 5
10. Taking good care
of my physical health through eating nutritious foods,
exercising, not smoking, and avoiding excessive alcohol
or drugs. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
11. Living simply, avoiding
undo consumption and a luxurious lifestyle. 1 - 2 -
3 - 4 - 5
12. Live within our means.
If our means are great, then our moral responsibility
is to use our excess to help others. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -
5
13. Being responsive
to my spouse’s requests for sexual intimacy. 1
- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
14. Being an active citizen,
voting, working for political issues or candidates,
doing volunteer community work, etc. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 -
5
Bonus
questions for discussion:
• What social and religious causes are you most
passionate about?
• Politics is grounded in many moral assumptions.
What political candidate did you support in the last
election? Does your spouse share your politics?
SCORING:
Add up all your points. If your totals vary by:
• Less than 15 points: Your moral compasses are
very compatible. You may not always be right,
   but at least you share similar values. Consider if there
are any moral issues that call you to
   become
more generous or life-giving.
• 16 – 49 points: Time to discuss the issues
you differ on by more than one number. Try to
   balance rationalizing away differences with being overly
scrupulous.
• Over 50 points: You’re living on different
planets. Talk with a priest or pastoral counselor soon.
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For
Families
WALKING IN ANOTHER'S SHOES
Adapted
from Just
Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
You may want to time this session so it can include
the dinner meal.
Enough materials for each person in the family to experience
a different sensory or physical disability such as:
• blindfold (an old dark sock and large pin work
well)
• ear muffs, ear plugs, or cotton
• tape for mouth
• sling for an arm (or a rag that can approximate
a sling)
• crutches (or again, a rag could be used to tie
up one leg)
• mitten to cover a hand. Attach the thumb so
it can't be used.
• slips of paper, each designating a handicap:
blind, deaf, mute, leg amputee, arm amputee, injured
hand, etc.
OPENING:
Carefully arrange the above items to be used on the
table. Light a candle and have members silently ponder:
If I had to choose a disability, what would I choose?
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Of course, people who have physical, mental, or emotional
impairments never had the chance to choose their limitation.
We can never know fully what it's like to walk in another
person's shoes, to experience another’s disability,
but lets try to sample at least a little of what some
people in our society have to live with everyday –
not just part of a day.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Put all the disability papers in a basket. Each family
member randomly picks one and then takes the corresponding
disability item. The task is then to "stay in role"
for a predetermined period of time. The length of time
depends upon the ages of the children and the day's
schedule.
• Very young children may only be able to do this
for about 15-30 minutes.
• Families with older children can try it over
a longer period of time, ideally including a meal.
The family then goes about
their normal activities until the time is up.
DISCUSSION
When the time is up, gather and debrief what the experience
was like for everyone.
• What did it feel like?
• Did any of the disabilities seem like fun in
the beginning? If so, how long did it take for the glamour
to wear off?
• Did the particular disability I had make a difference?
Would I have preferred a different one? Why?
• What if I had a disability that was not physical,
like an emotional or mental disability? Would that be
easier or harder?
• No one is perfect. In one sense all of us have
disabilities, they just might not be as noticeable or
severe as the kind we've just sampled. What is a limitation
or disability that I really have?
TREAT:
Why not make (or at least eat) a dessert using your
less dominant hand – unless you're ambidextrous
of course.
Related Scripture: 1 Corinthians
12:14-26
Activities are simplified adaptations
from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press,
Elgin, IL: 1994.
See original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
DO YOU MAKE GOOD TRAVEL COMPANIONS?
Circle A (Agree), D (Disagree),
or U (Unsure) after each question. Compare answers.
1. When getting ready for a trip:
     A. I pack for every contingency
   A D U
     B. I take pride in packing compactly
   A D U
2. When getting ready
for a trip:
     A. I am usually calm and ready
to leave at the appointed time    A D U
     B. I usually scurry around frantically
throwing things together and still leave late.   
A D U
3. When getting ready
for a trip, I like:
     A. to have a plan, check maps and
tour books, etc.   A D U
     B. to be spontaneous and flexible.  
A D U
     C. to have someone else plan the
trip for me or have a tour guide.   A D U
4. What mode of transportation
do you enjoy? (Circle all that apply.)
     A. Car    A D U
          a. It’s
cheaper.   A D U
          b. I don’t
travel far.   A D U
          c. We
have kids and cars work best.   A D U
          d. I’m
afraid to fly.   A D U
     B. Air    A D U
         a. Only if
I can use frequent flyer miles.   A D U
         b. It’s
quickest for long trips.   A D U
         c. I like watching
the movies.   A D U
     C. Train/Subway   A D U
          a. It’s
economical.   A D U
          b. It’s
safe.   A D U
          c. It
wastes less of the earth’s resources.  
A D U
     D. Boat (a cruise, sailing, etc.)  
A D U
          a. I like
luxury.   A D U
          b. I like
having someone else taking care of me, and the food
is plentiful.   A D U
          c. I like
water.   A D U
          d. I like
shopping at the ports.    A D U
     E. I just like to go places, I
don’t care how.   A D U
     F. I hate to travel, regardless
of the mode of transportation.    A D U
5. When on vacation,
I like to:
     A. stay close to home (maybe a
local cottage, nearby hotel, or just staying home).  
A D U
     B. do things the natural way (camping,
hiking, outdoor activities).   A D U
     C. Do it “first class”
(expensive lodging, entertainment) Vacations are a time
to splurge.  A D U
     D. Travel to far off or unique
places (different countries, or a different part of
my country). A D U
     E. Have familiar surroundings and
all the comforts of home. A D U
6. When traveling
by car, I like to:
     A. take frequent breaks to stretch,
eat, go to the bathroom.    A D U
     B. push ahead to get to my destination
as quickly as possible.   A D U
7. When traveling
by car, I like to:
     A. keep a neat environment (I always
keep a litter bag in the car.)   A D U
     B. Get real! If I’m going
any distance, it’s impractical to keep everything
neat.   A D U
8. When driving,
I:
     A. generally don’t go more
than five miles over the speed limit.    A D
U
     B. either keep a radar detector
in the car, or should.    A D U
     C. am very cautious. Many cars
pass me.    A D U
9. When traveling
by car:
     A. I pack many diversions (books,
CD’s, games, etc.)    A D U
     B. I’m fine as long as the
radio works. I like it tuned to:    A D U
          a. music
(What kind? __________)    A D U
          b. talk
shows (What kind? _________)    A D U
          c. news
or NPR.    A D U
     C. I like to talk or sing.   
A D U
     D. I like to sleep.   A
D U
10. I prefer to:
     A. travel to one place, stay there,
and relax.    A D U
     B. visit a lot of different places,
see a lot, do a lot.    A D U
     C. visit relatives.   
A D U
     D. visit friends.    A
D U
11. I like to travel:
      A. by myself.    A
D U
      B. with my spouse.   
A D U
      C. with my spouse and children.
   A D U
      D. with a group of friends.
   A D U
 SCORING:
  Total all the responses on which you and your
spouse agree.
  If you agree with each other on:
  40+ items: Happy Travels!
  11-39 items: Take this opportunity to practice
compromise and negotiation skills.
  0-10 items: Consider separate vacations.
BACK
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For
Families
TROPHIES FOR TIGHTWADS
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Boxes or bags for collecting excess clutter, clothes
and other items to give away.
OPENING:
Invite the family around the kitchen or other gathering
place. Light a candle and sing a song like "Simple
Gifts."
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
Living simply is not a simple task. It takes more creativity
and more of our physical and spiritual energy than "buying
into" our fast-paced, throwaway society. Let’s
look at our living environment and let go of some of
what clutters our life.
READING:
Matthew 6:25-34
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Each family member finds two or three items around the
house that he or she can't live without (i.e. teddy
bear, iPod, computer). Examine the use of each item
and discuss if these are wants or needs. What does our
family actually NEED for survival?
Take
a tour of your home together. In each room look at what
is lying around the floor (clutter). How do we take
care of our belongings? What furnishings, knick-knacks,
etc. unnecessarily "clutter" our lives?
Look
at the clothes in your closets and drawers. Do we have
clothing or accessories we don't use anymore that someone
else may be able to use?
Collect
clothing and other items we can give away.
Are
there families you know who need your extra clothes,
etc.? Arrange to give them your surplus in a dignified
fashion or donate the items to a charitable organization.
TREAT:
Popcorn and apple juice
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
ENRICHMENT - For
Couples
HOW WELL CAN YOU READ YOUR SPOUSE'S MOODS?
Answer each question according
to what you think your spouse would say. Then check
with each other to see how close you are in interpreting
each others words and moods.
1. “I have
a headache” means:
A. I want to be alone.
B. I want some sympathy and consolation.
C. I need to know where you put the aspirin.
D. I’d like some comfort food or a back rub.
E. Don’t even think of suggesting we make love
tonight!
2. When I ask my
spouse, “What’s wrong?” and the reply
is “Nothing,” that means:
A. Nothing is wrong. (This probably is not true and,
therefore, wrong.)
B. My spouse is feeling neglected or misunderstood and
wants you to remember what you did to offend and then
apologize.
C. My spouse wants to be left alone to sulk or vegetate
for awhile.
D. She’s probably having a PMS moment.
3. Your spouse looks
at you with a gleam in the eye:
A. Something good happened at work and he/she is anxious
to share it.
B. He’s proud that he has such a beautiful wife.
She’s proud that she has such a handsome husband.
C. Your spouse just had the lowest golf score of the
year, the highest video game score, or won the lottery
or _______________
D. He’s hoping you’re in the same mood that
he is in this evening. (Reverse pronouns if you like.)
4. Your spouse snaps
at you. He or she is probably:
A. Tired and needs a nap.
B. Upset about something that doesn’t involve
you.
C. Annoyed that you just beat him/her at a game.
D. Defensive because of a criticism that you just delivered.
E. Other _____________
5. Your spouse is
quiet and doesn’t respond when you walk in the
room. He/she is:
A. Just fine and enjoys the calm and solitude
B. Brooding. It might be about you, but it might not.
C. Bored or lonely and is waiting for your company to
do something.
D. Engrossed in thought or concentrating.
E. Privately praying/meditating.
F. Almost asleep. Don’t disturb.
6. Your spouse is
scurrying around, barking orders, and looks frazzled.
He/she would probably like you to:
A. Get out of the way
B. Think of ways to help with the tasks that need to
be done.
C. Ask what you can do to help.
D. Know that there’s so much to do because of
something you forgot to do or your tardiness and is
hoping for an apology.
7. Your spouse is
sick. He/she probably wants to:
A. Be left alone.
B. Have you run to the store for medications.
C. Have you be solicitous, i.e. bring some juice, the
paper.
D. Have you nearby for company and conversation
Scoring:
If you accurately anticipated your spouse’s answer:
5-7 times – You’re experienced in reading
your spouse’s moods
2-4 times – Don’t just guess, check out
what your spouse really means and wants.
1 time – Time for a communication class.
* Correctly guessing your spouse's
answer is not as important as the discussion you have
as a result of it.
BACK
TO TOP
ENRICHMENT - For
Couples
IF
I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, I'VE TOLD YOU 1000 TIMES
Why do adults who are normally
reasonable and mature, believe that if they only repeat
a complaint to their spouse often enough, that the
spouse will change. Such nagging doesn’t work
with kids and it’s even more destructive to
a marriage. Following is an exercise to help you stop
nagging. Its success depends on your willingness to
give up one gripe.
Many of us have probably
used the phrase, “Honey, if I’ve told
you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, would
you please not – chomp on your ice cubes, leave
the toilet seat up, criticize me in front of your
mother… If indeed you’ve asked your spouse
more than several times to stop a behavior, chances
are he or she will not be more likely to change if
you simply keep repeating the request. Usually what
follows is resentment.
You have several options:
1. Find a new and creative way to motivate your spouse
to change. “Honey, every time you have ice in
a glass and DON”T chew on it, I’ll give
you a massage, we can make love, whatever.”
2. Decide that in the whole scope of life and love,
the infraction is rather minor and you will choose
to live with it. This choice means you must give up
the urge to remind and nag on this particular issue.
3. Continue to frustrate yourself and annoy your spouse
by repeating the comment.
Assuming you choose the
middle ground (#2), here’s how it works. Simply
choose one annoying habit that your spouse does
and decide that you will never again nag him or
her about it. This has nothing to do with the rightness
or wrongness of your spouse’s action or your
continuing desire for the irritating behavior to
cease. It just means you’ve let go of the
job of complainer/corrector on this one issue. Although
this exercise can be done at any time of year, you
may find that Lent is a fitting time to start giving
up a pet peeve for the sake of the marriage. You
can tell your spouse of your decision – once
– if you like.
BACK
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For
Families
THE
MYSTERY OF GROWTH
Adapted from Just Family Nights
Note
to Parent(s): The primary activity for this Family
Night is a long range project of watching a garden
grow. For those who just can't wait, Option 2 provides
more immediate results.
PREPARATION:
• paper and crayons or markers
• garden tools
• paper for mapping out the garden
• calendar
Option 1:
• vegetable seeds (beans are fast-growing)
Option 2:
• seedlings or bedding plants
OPENING:
As a family, make a mini "pilgrimage" to a space
prepared for planting. Spend a few moments just quietly
looking over the area and imagining what you might plant
where and how it might look as it grows. Sing: "The
Garden Song" (aka "Inch by Inch, Row by Row").
Return to the gathering place in your home.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
We're going to start an experiment to find out how things
grow best. It'll take quite a while for our study to be
complete and it'll take some work. But growth is often
like that - slow and often hard.
READING:
Mark 4: 3-9
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Do one or both of the following before actually planting
your seeds:
1. Draw a picture.
It's always fun for young children to draw pictures
of flowers, trees, the sun, birds, etc. depicting
spring. This can be fun for almost any age, even if
they're too young to make the flowers look like flowers.
2. Make a map of the garden.
While little children are drawing, parents and older
children can plot on paper where things will be planted.
Allot two rows for your special experiment seeds.
It helps develop some understanding of planning, choices,
how things fit in relation to each other. Young children
can decorate the borders, or glue pictures of what's
planted, etc. Older children can make the whole thing.
The maps can make colorful wall hangings in the kitchen,
on the refrigerator, or in their bedroom.
OPTION 1:
Plant your experimental seeds according to the following
directions:
Row 1: Plant according to directions on package
Row 2: Plant simply by scattering the seeds on top of
the soil in this row and perhaps putting a few seeds loosely
under a small amount of dirt.
When the planting is complete
discuss the plan for the rest of the experiment:
• Let the seeds grow. Check them daily.
• See that the first row is watered according to
the instructions if there is not enough rainfall. Do   ;  ;  ;not
water the second row. It should depend solely on rainfall.
• Monitor and record on a calendar when and how
the beans begin to grow.
• After the beans have begun to grow two or three
inches,
  ;  ;  ;a. transplant some of beans by carelessly pulling them
up and putting them in another location.
  ;b. take some other seedlings and dig
them up carefully and transplant them in a location that
  ;has been prepared to receive
them.
• Continue to monitor and record the growth of all
the bean plants for the remainder of the growing   ;season
and note the different results.
OPTION 2:
IMMEDIATE RESULTS ACTIVITY (for those who just can't
wait.)
Plant seedlings that are already growing. You could
also plant seeds at the same time and see how long
it takes the seeds planted to catch up with the seedlings.
FOLLOW - UP ACTIVITY AND
DISCUSSION:
Later in the summer, after you can see some differentiation
in plant growth, the family could either have a follow-up
Family Night or more informally discuss the differences
in growth.
For example:
Look around your own city, town, state and other parts
of the world. Note the similarities to the two rows
of beans. People who are not properly cared for or
nurtured from pre-natal care through their growing
years suffer similar fates, i.e. there may be some
who make it, but most never grow and develop into
the healthy, productive people they could have been.
Similarly, people who may
have started out with the proper care and nurturing,
but then are uprooted recklessly without regard to
their health and well-being also have a harder time
becoming healthy, productive citizens. However, those
who are uprooted, but carefully transplanted and properly
nurtured thereafter may lag in development, but are
still able to overcome the trauma they suffered.
TREAT:
Ideally have something homegrown. If nothing is ready
buy some fruit at a farmer’s market.
Activities are simplified adaptations
from Just Family Nights, Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren
Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See the original book of 60
family nights for age adaptations, expanded reading,
activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For
Families
MY
GRANDMA'S GRANDMA
Adapted from Just Family Nights
In some families
one or more members may not be aware of their national
origin due to adoption, slavery, or a mixed background.
In this case, choose a likely or favorite country
to adopt and explore its culture.
PREPARATION:
•Several candles
•Mementos of your own family's heritage (i.e.
songs, clothes, pictures, artifacts, food, etc.)
•A list of the last several generations of your
family
OPTIONAL
• Invite the oldest relatives you have living
nearby to join you.
• Borrow from library:
The Relatives Came, Cynthia Rylant - Bradybury Press,
1985, ages 3-9.
The Keeping Quilt, Patricia Polacco - Simon and Shuster,
1988, ages 5-10.
OPENING:
Light a candle.
READING:
Matthew 1:2-16 (Summarize if the genealogy is too
long to keep the attention of the children.)
OR
The Relatives Came or The Keeping Quilt
Ask each person to quietly
think of their own grandparents (or, if they can remember,
their great grandparents). Picture what they look
like. Are there any typical sayings you associate
with them?
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Tonight we're going to take a step back in time and
try to get a taste of what it might have been like
to live 100 or more years ago - about the time when
"my grandma's grandma" was a child. To get
back to that time we're going to work our way back
generation by generation. Hopefully, we will not only
experience what life was like in a more primitive
time, but also learn some of the unique heritage and
customs of the countries from which our ancestors
came.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. If you don't already have a chart of your family
tree, make a simple one. Talk about each individual
as you put his/her name down.
• Are there any interesting family stories about
their lives, idiosyncrasies, sayings, values, personalities,
etc.?
• Are there any physical resemblances to particular
relatives?
This exercise will probably take you back to somewhere
between 1850 and 1900.
2. To complete your travel
backward through time, transform your home into a
typical 1850 - 1900 dwelling. If you know the kind
of life circumstances particular ancestors were living
in at that time, try to approximate them. If not,
use the following guidelines:
• No computers or compact discs, DVD’s,
I-Pods (not common until 1990's)
• No VCR's, microwaves, or video games (not
common until 1980's)
• No cassette tape recorders (not common until
1970's)
• No T.V.s (not common until 1950's)
Now it gets a little harder:
• No talking movies (not common until 1930's)
• No automobiles (not common until 1920's)
• No refrigerators (not common until 1920's)
• No electric stoves (not common until 1910's)
• No indoor plumbing (not common until 1910's)
• No electric lights, telephone, phonograph,
or anything run by electricity (not common until 1900's)
NOTE TO LEADER:
A list of inventions with dates can be found in The
World Almanac under Science & Technology.
3. Decide as a family how
far you would like to go back in time. (I recommend
a pre-light bulb decade for greatest effect.) Then
take a slow walk together through every room in your
home. At each room pause and take stock of what would
be different in the time you selected. What items
weren't invented yet? What items would look different?
As you leave each room turn off anything that would
not have been common. When you get to the final room
(probably the living room) settle in for an evening
in your time warp. Assuming you have chosen a time
before 1900 (when electric lighting was not common)
you will need to place candles in several secure places.
If you have a fireplace it would be nice to contemplate
what it would be like for this to be your primary
means of heating and cooking.
4. Spend the remainder
of the evening exploring your ethnic heritage, being
as faithful as possible to the lifestyle of your decade.
A. Parents or grandparents may describe ethnic artifacts
and talk about their use or meaning. (Examples: Irish
lace, German beer steins, Ukrainian Easter eggs, African
ivory, etc.)
B. Tell stories about what life was like in the "old
country", or at least a generation or two ago
in your own country.
C. Ethnic songs could be sung. (Remember that records
and tapes were not invented yet, much less CD’s.)
TEEN ADAPTATION:
In exploring the family's heritage teens may delve
into issues like:
• What are some stereotypes of people from your
ancestral country? (Examples: Latin lovers, stubborn
Germans, stoic Slavs, alcoholic Irish, dumb Dutchman,
Polish bowlers, sly Chinese, shrewd Jewish)
• How do you feel about these generalizations?
• Is there any truth to them?
• What are some positive characteristics for which
your nationality is known?
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights,
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See
the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and
background.
BACK
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For
Couples
THE
PINCH
It takes a lot of pinches
to cause a bruise. Usually a little, one time, pinch
does little harm, but the accumulation of many pinches
irritate the skin and leave a mark. And so it is with
marriage too. That thoughtless remark or act when
repeated –especially once you know it irritates
your spouse– can eat away at the relationship.
The big marriage breakers (infidelity, addictions,
abuse) often have their seeds in the terrible trifles.
These build to the point where one partner ends up
saying, “I just don’t feel love for you
anymore.” Nip the pinches in the bud by:
• Identifying the pinches unique to your relationship
• Gently and lovingly request that your spouse
work on eliminating ONE pinch. (One will do for a
start. Let the rest go for now.)
• Be willing to eliminate ONE pinch that annoys
your spouse.
Following are some examples
to get you started:
1. You forget to tell me about an evening meeting.
2. You say you’re just going to check e-mail,
but don’t get off the computer for an hour.
3. You talk to me while I’m on the telephone.
4. You talk to me from another room.
5. You leave a mess in the bathroom.
6. You don’t ask me what is wrong when you know
that something is bothering me.
7. You make light of a problem I tell you about.
8. You leave the gas tank empty in the car.
9. You come home from work and are irritable with
the children because you are tired.
10. You remind me of something stupid I did in the
past.
11. You are often not ready on time.
12. You sometimes pay more attention to the newspaper
and TV that to me.
13. You repeat something I’ve told you in confidence.
14. You sometimes don’t listen to me when I
am talking.
15. You forget to do something I’ve asked you
to do.
16. You start a job but you don’t finish it.
17. You tease me about my cooking in front of others.
18. You keep putting off that weekend alone you promised.
19. You drank the last coke or ate the last Klondike
bar.
20. You let the kids eat all my peanuts.
By
Marcy and Ralph Reed, Association for Couples in Marriage
Enrichment (ACME) lead couple
Adapted and used with permission
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For
Parents
A
SUMMER JOB JAR
In the summer most families
welcome a more relaxed schedule. As vacation starts for
most students, however, it doesn’t take long before
“I don’t have anything to do” becomes
an all too frequent refrain. One summer sanity strategy
that I wish I had started earlier is a “summer job
jar.”
I’d think up about 50 simple jobs and put each
on a strip of colored paper in a jar. Each week day
children picked one job to do before dinner. If they
didn’t like the first one they could pick another,
and delay the original job till later.
I skipped Sundays because that should be a day of
rest anyway. I also skipped Saturdays since that was
our traditional “clean up your room day”
and we might have weekend outings. Put in a few surprise
fun things to do also just to keep it interesting.
Most jobs probably shouldn’t take much more
than 15 minutes to keep it from being too burdensome
although some could be more major. The job jar did
not replace regular year round chores like setting
the table or feeding the dog. If your child is old
enough, brainstorm ideas together.
It’s easier to start a custom like this when
children are young and still think you’re the
boss, but we started it when our youngest was about
10. It probably worked because his best friend’s
family also did it. There’s strength in numbers.
A family outing at the end of summer might be a nice
way to celebrate everyones’ work. Here are some
possible jobs that you might want to use.
Outdoor jobs: Laundry
jobs:
• water the plants •
match socks
• mulch •
fold napkins and towels
• weed a section of the garden
Miscellaneous jobs: Fun
jobs:
• make dessert •
play a game with Mom or Dad
• dust a room •
tell the family a joke at dinner
• read a story to a younger sibling •
play the piano (or flute, or drums) for the family
• organize a bookshelf
• plan a special grace for dinner
• count all the books in the house
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|
Humor
Your Spouse
Humor adds to our
marriage emotional bank account and allows us
to tolerate or overlook offenses that might
otherwise irritate. Well, OK, they still might
annoy us but we’re willing to overlook
minor things because of the overall fun and
positive experiences we’ve had together.
Cultivating humor in marriage is not the same
thing as being able to tell a joke. Following
are some kinds of humor you might nurture in
your marriage. Think of ways that you “humor
each other.” If you have any additional
ways, let me know and I’ll share the best
on this website.
|

See
your spouse with a new eye.
|
KINDS OF HUMOR:
1. Engaging in fun, lighthearted past-times
together.
Examples: playing games or sports together, watching
funny movies or TV shows
Question: What are our favorite ways to relax
together and have fun?
2. Inside or “running”
jokes: Often these have to do with personal
foibles that we can turn into jokes rather than continuing
to complain.
Example: When finding something I’ve lost, I’ll
often say to Jim something like, “How clever
of you to hide my credit card back in my wallet.”
Question: What silly thing does my spouse do that
I complain about? How can I change this into a lighthearted
joke?
3. Exaggeration:
Often exaggeration of a problem or fault can turn
it into humor.
Example: Well, it could have been worse. You could
have broken your arm, never found your way back, lost
your purse AND wrecked the car.
or “Could you walk a little faster. I’m
not getting enough exercise trying to keep up.”
Question: What trait or quality do you or your
spouse have in excess? Play with ridiculous exaggerations
of how that could be a boon for your marriage or society
if it were multiplied 10 times.
4. Hindsight stories (laughing
at yourselves)
Example: Once Jim and I had to wake our 13 year old
at midnight to help us take our bedroom door off the
hinges because we had locked ourselves INSIDE our
bedroom.
Question: What’s your favorite story of
a marriage or family mishap that, looking back, you
can now laugh at?
5. Pranks/Surprises:
These can backfire. Be careful.
Example: “Honey, the babysitter just called
and said she had to cancel for tonight. I’m
afraid we’ll have to cancel our dinner reservations
for our anniversary. Maybe we could just put the baby
in the car and take a leisurely drive in the country.
He’ll fall asleep and we can talk.” You
then drive to a relative’s house who agreed
to watch the baby for the weekend while you have a
get-away at a resort (or even at home).
Question: Have you ever tried a prank or surprise
that backfired? Now you have a hindsight story to
laugh about.
WHEN HUMOR HURTS:
Not all humor is funny to a spouse. Be careful about
making fun of your spouse’s weight, haircut,
pregnancy, or making fun of your spouse in front of
others or behind his/her back.
Example: It’s tempting when out with the guys
or gals to join in a round of “Can you believe
that “x” tried to put air in the car tires
by blowing into the tire valve!”
Question: What topic is my spouse sensitive about
and I should avoid? Check it out.
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For Parents
Bless
Your Child Today
"God bless you"
is not just for sneezes. Bless your child today. If
you think blessings can only come from ordained ministers
consider yourself the “minister of parenthood.”
Blessings can take many forms but the most natural
(and simplest) one for ministers of the home are not
formal prayers but prayers from the heart. Perhaps
use the simple: “May God bless you in the name
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
You can add other spontaneous prayers for your child
if you like. Adding a gesture like the sign of the
cross or placing your hand on your child’s head
emphasizes the sacredness of the time. Short rituals
like this benefit from repetition. Blessing on a regular
basis carries memories of past times and brings a
moment of peace between you. Following are some times
that you might want to bless your child.
Bedtime:
Even infants can be blessed as you put them down to
sleep. In fact, blessing an infant may be more a prayer
for the parent’s peace of mind than the child
and it gives you practice. It can be a soothing conclusion
to your bedtime prayer with toddlers and young children.
Sometimes it may be the whole prayer. Older children
may resist a bedtime prayer with you but sometimes
simply putting your hand on your child’s head
and silently blessing them will avoid awkwardness.
Or let a bedtime kiss carry the message, “I
love you and so does God.”
Leaving the house:
It may be a bit much for most families, but if you
start the practice when your child first starts school,
a “God bless you in school today.” can
become part of your leave-taking.
Sickness:
A natural and welcome time to bless your child is
at a time of sickness as you add a spontaneous prayer
for the child’s recovery.
Times of crisis
or transition:
A big test is coming up, it’s the day of tryouts
for the basketball team, the day of your teen’s
drivers test, or your young adult is leaving for college.
It’s not magic, but praying for God’s
blessing can remind your child that you are carrying
him or her in prayer during this special time and
they can call on God’s aid in times of stress
or difficulty.
And don’t forget
those sneezes.
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For
Couples
VALUES
& SPIRITUALITY IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is a value laden
and spiritual undertaking – even for those who
are not members of an organized religion. If your
faith is important to you, however, the marriage vows
take on a special dimension as your commitment to
each other becomes an expression of your faith, not
only in each other but also in God.
Following is an exercise
to help you identify your most deeply held values
and to check how closely they match up with your daily
life. Sometimes we believe we believe something, but
how we spend our time and money puts a lie to it.
To have a happy marriage, couples need not share every
interest BUT, it is crucial that they are in sync
with their most deeply held values. If these values
are generous, loving, and life-giving, a spiritual
bonding will grow.
Directions:
Each partner takes time to reflect on the following
questions and write your answers on paper. Read each
other’s thoughts, then discuss. Since this is
a heavy topic, you might not want to do this exercise
all in one sitting, but rather take a question a day,
a week, or a month.
1. What's most
important in life to you?
(This question is intentionally
open ended to let your mind roam over all the possibilities.)
A.
B.
C.
What kind of time and
money do you put toward these priorities?
2. Covenant
Reflect on when your relationship has not always been
"fair" or equal. When has one of you been
called to give more than your fair share? (For example:
unequal schooling, incomes, physical abilities, illness…)
3. Unconditional
Is there any way that one or both of you have changed
since your wedding day that's been hard to accept?
Is there any change that
would jeopardize your love? (for example: a change
in appearance, personality, or mental health, infertility,
loss of a job, infidelity…)
4. Fidelity/Permanence
Fidelity is more than just sexual, permanence is more
than just not getting a divorce. What daily or frequent
habits have you developed to nurture your relationship?
(For example: eating together, a daily walk, checking
in by phone or e-mail, praying together…)
Has there ever been a
crisis in your relationship when you have been tempted
to give up on it? What helped you through it?
5. Fruitfulness
Has your love stretched you beyond yourselves? How?
(For example: volunteer work, service projects, helping
out in your neighborhood and community…)
For those who have a child(ren)
- How has your child stretched you to go beyond yourselves?
6. Forgiveness
Do you generally find it easy or difficult to forgive
your spouse or yourself for shortcomings and mistakes?
What has been a hard thing for you to forgive so far in
your marriage?
What does forgiveness look like in your marriage?
For example: Do you say, “Please forgive me.”
and “I forgive you.”? Do you make amends?
Do a favor? Hug? Give flowers? Make a bowl of popcorn?...
7. Prayer
How do you feel about praying? (Neutral? Curious?
Inexperienced? Committed?…)
Do you want to pray?
Do you want to try praying with your spouse?
How do you feel about praying with my spouse? (Nervous?
Embarrassed? Wistful?…)
Do any of the following styles of prayer appeal to you?
____ memorized prayers
____ reading inspirational books
____ meditation - (open)
____ guided meditation
____ prayer services/rituals
____ rosary
____ scripture reading
____ inspiration from nature
____ I'm a crisis prayer
____ other
For
ideas and a jump start on praying as a couple read
Who Me? Pray with Her?
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ADVENT
WAITING 1
WAITING
WITH MARY – PREPARING WITH JOHN THE BAPTIST
Isaiah
40:1-11; 2 Peter 3:8-15; Mark 1:1-8
We wait for the mail, for
the rain to stop (or start), for our birthday, for a loved
one to return home, for results of a medical test, for
a trip to start, or a wedding day. It’s hard to
wait. And it should be so because waiting is part of the
experience. If everyday was your birthday at first this
would seem wonderful but eventually you would find the
thrill diminished as a special day becomes everyday. If
the rain stopped or started at your command at first it
would seem idyllic and convenient, but part of the joy
of beautiful days is knowing that they are not always
that way. We need to pay attention and savor it. If we
never had to wait for a loved one to return, would the
arrival be so cherished? Would the wedding day carry such
power if couples did not have to wait for it?
But our culture tries to rob
us of the joy that comes from waiting – especially
during Advent. Stores celebrate Christmas before its time
and many of us are sucked into celebrating Christmas with
parties and festive homes before the actual feast. Perhaps
we need to take our lead from pregnant women. In the quiet,
dark womb, growth is taking place both physically and
emotionally. The mother starts to change her habits and
mindset. For the reflective mother, there is also spiritual
growth as slowly she lets go of control over her body
and her desires and realizes that motherhood is a long
process of sacrificing self for the good of another. But
this waiting is not only internal. Responsible parents
prepare the home. We buy baby supplies, prepare a space,
and perhaps prepare siblings for the upcoming birth.
So too, it can be with Christmas.
As the pregnant world waits for Jesus to come again into
our midst, we need quiet, dark, internal growth, but that
doesn’t mean we need be inactive. Preparing the
home gradually; buying gifts so that we will be ready;
keeping it simple lest stress crowd out our calm are part
of active waiting. Yes, waiting is hard, but it makes
the longed for event more momentous. Let the first day
of Christmas be truly the first day of Christmas and not
just the last day of the Christmas shopping season. Let
us wait.
Some questions
for your reflection/discussion:
1. When has it been hard for you to wait for something
good?
(For example: a birthday, the results
of a test, a driver’s license, graduation, a
vacation, retirement, a letter or package in the mail,
a visit from a friend, your wedding day, pregnancy.
Parents might also include waiting for a child to
walk, talk, stop fighting, grow up, leave home, come
home, get over an illness…)
2. Is there anything I
need to let go of to make room for Christ to live
in me?
(For example: anger, worries, fears,
pride, a person I’m upset with, a grudge)
3. One step that I could
take to simplify my Christmas preparations and gift
giving is…
4. In addition to my immediate
family, is there anyone that I could go out of my
way to bring joy to or lessen the burdens of during
Advent?
This
meditation by Susan Vogt is also published in “Whose
Birthday Is It, Anyway? – 2005”
published by Alternatives for Simple Living, www.SimpleLiving.org
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For
Couples or Parents
THE
GOLDEN RULE - REVISED
Have you ever gotten a
gift that just wasn’t you? Once I sent my husband
flowers as a sign of my love. I was proud of myself
because I realized what a nice surprise it is for
me when he has done that and I wanted to please him.
I also thought, “Why should flowers be reserved
just for females? Certainly men would enjoy them too.”
Wrong! He was gracious, of course, but the quizzical
look on his face told me that he didn’t quite
get it, and I learned a lesson. I was trying to give
him a gift that I wanted to receive, not
what he wanted to receive.
This got me to thinking about the Golden Rule, “Always
treat others as you would like them to treat you.”
(Mt. 7:12) Certainly this is a generous maxim and
helps us treat others fairly – as we would like
to be treated. But are there times when the Christian
might go beyond the Golden Rule to an even deeper
selflessness? What if we revised the text to say,
“Treat others as they
would like to be treated.” Getting into another’s
head and searching for what would bring them pleasure,
even though it might not be what I
would want, takes quite a love.
For example, my son had a bad day at school –
forgot his homework, got laughed at for a mistake,
etc. My inclination was to talk it through with him.
“How do you feel? Is there anything I can do
to help you?” etc. His silence was off putting
at first. After all, I was trying to give him what
I would want. It took me awhile to understand that
in this kind of situation he usually just wants to
be alone, to escape into his head or a game. What
I could do to help, was leave!
On a marital level this sometimes plays out at times
when I am feeling a lot of stress – usually
from having too much to do in too short a time. Jim,
being the sensitive husband that he is, rushes in
to console me. He hugs me, holds me, kisses me. Unfortunately,
I’m afraid I’m not always too grateful.
What I really want is for someone to do some of my
work! Over time he has learned that he’ll get
a lot further if he offers to take some of my chores
off my hands. The hugging can come later. He, on the
other hand, feels unloved if there isn’t a certain
amount of physical affection. Offering to mow the
lawn just doesn’t cut it.
It’s hard to get into the habit of thinking
this way because it doesn’t feel natural –
to me. I have to put myself in the other person’s
shoes and figure out what he or she would want. I
find myself needing to curb that urge to drop in spontaneously
on friends just because I enjoy that kind of thing.
Come to think of it, isn’t that what Christ
did when he became human – put himself in our
shoes, in our flesh.
Some Questions
for Your Reflection
1. What makes my spouse (or child) happy that would
not work for me?
2. How does my spouse (or child) like to be consoled
when facing a difficulty? Is it the same or different
from my needs?
3. When I feel angry, how do I want the people around
me to respond? Does my spouse (or child) like a different
response?
For further reading on this theme,
see The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
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For Couples & Anyone
Who Cares About Truthtelling
TO
TELL THE TRUTH
The
woman behind me in church was singing beautifully…too
beautifully. She sounded like a professional singer
and wasn’t blending in. She held every note
past the point the rest of the congregation had stopped.
This annoyed me even though I knew it shouldn’t.
Of course I couldn’t say anything to her. I
didn’t even know the woman since this was a
church I don't usually attend. But, as is often the
case, I thought I’d ask Jim’s opinion
on our drive home in the privacy of our car. And then
I thought about truth. I thought about the maxim I
had heard years ago – Don’t make comments
to or about others unless it meets the following criteria:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?
I evaluated. Yes, it was true. Although her singing
was technically proficient, it was not “group
singing”. Was it necessary that I comment on
this to my husband? Not really. Was it kind? No. So
I summoned up my resolve and realized that my urge
was really an urge to gossip and make myself superior.
I thought about all of this during the homily, which
wasn’t particularly stirring that day, so I
thought it was a good use of my time. I think God
does speak to us at Mass, it’s just not always
the way the liturgists planned it.
As
I continue to think about my experience, I realize
that these three rules can probably be applied to
most decisions about whether or not to hold one’s
tongue. Although it would be best for questionable
comments to pass all three, as the homily wore on,
I decided that two out of three would be sufficient
in most cases.
Yes,
the truth is always friendly, or almost always. It
should indeed be the first criteria. And sometimes
it might be necessary to deliver a message of parental
or fraternal correction that isn’t particularly
kind. “Son, the way you treated your sister
was hurtful. I want you to apologize.” There’s
seldom any debate about whether to deliver a true
message that’s kind. It may not be necessary,
but it’s always appropriate.
Then
there’s the situation of a comment that’s
kind, and would be awkward to avoid, but might not
be true, like “Yes, I really love your mother’s
cooking.” Or, “Yes, that dress makes you
look thin, darling.” These white lies, I can
accept although technically they may not be completely
true. So we’re back to trying to keep all three
criteria, but no less that two – or hold your
tongue.
It’s
tempting to criticize one’s spouse in the spirit
of mutual improvement. Children often criticize, and
make fun of others. So do their parents. Check yourself
against these 3 criteria: Is it true? Is it necessary?
Is it kind? If not, it’s probably fault finding
or gossip.
Have
you ever had an inner conflict over whether to tell
the truth?
Discuss with your spouse (or family) how each of you feels
about “white lies” and gossip.
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LAUGHING
& LOVING WITH DAD
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU WILL NEED:
Option 1: Dad’s or Grandpa’s old clothes,
hats, shoes, ties…
Option 2: several puppets
Option 3: family picture albums
OPENING:
Light a candle and think of your own father, grandfather
or great-grandfather if you can remember them. Think
of what qualities these fathers have that you admire.
Also, are there “fathers” that are not
related to you that you think do a very good job of
parenting? Quietly think about these special men.
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
Fathers come in many shapes, sizes, and kinds. Most
fathers are good and loving to their children, but
like all humans, no father is completely perfect.
Tonight we're going to poke some good hearted fun
at fathers and in the process we might even understand
fatherhood a little better.
READING:
Luke 11: 11-13 or Luke 15: 11-32
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Choose one or more of the following activities.
1. Imitating Dad
Everyone but Dad dresses up in the "Dad type"
clothes that have been collected. Dad is the audience
and his main job is to laugh heartily, clap loudly,
and enjoy everything. Everyone else pretends that
they are "Dad" and exaggerate his mannerisms
and expressions. The only rule is that the acting
must not be hurtful or bothersome to Dad.) When the
frivolity dies down, close by each person completing
the sentence, "If I were really a father the
most important thing I would do (or be) is ____________________________________."
2. Dad: Leading Man
Everyone in the family but Dad thinks of a significant
event in the family's life in which Dad had a major
role. It could be something serious in which Dad was
a protector or hero, or it could be something funny
like a foolish thing he did. Once everyone has his
or her event in mind, use puppets to act out the situation
for Dad.
3. Where’s Dad?
Pull out the family's picture albums. Everybody makes
a guess as to how many times "Dad" is in
an album. Then play "Where's Dad" by finding
and counting how many times Dad appears. Encourage
lingering over pages that remind you of stories about
Dad.
DISCUSSION:
After spoofing Dad awhile, discuss some of the following
questions:
• Are the qualities typical of fathers different
from the qualities of mothers? If so, how?
• Unfortunately, not everyone has a loving father.
Their father might be dead, no longer present, or
perhaps he just doesn't know how to be a good father.
How can people in these situations learn to be good
fathers themselves?
• How are fathers portrayed in the media? Realistically?
Stereotypically?
• Not all fathers are the same. What would a
father's life be like if he were a single parent?
a step-father? a father with a disability? a father
from a foreign country or culture?
• Discussing grandfathers and great grandfathers
can be a great opportunity to discuss some aspects
of genealogy and a lesson in oral history from parents
about their memories, experiences, family stories
and even legends. Talk about best memories, funniest
stories, etc.
• Who are there people we know who act like
a loving father to us (uncles, grandfathers, etc.)
TREAT:
Dad's choice - whatever is his favorite dessert.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights,
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See
the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and
background.
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A
BALANCING ACT – GETTING CONTROL OF YOUR FAMILY’S
TIME
Adapted from Just Family Nights
OPENING:
The leader asks everyone to form a large circle with
lots of space on either side of you. Close your eyes.
Lift one leg and try to stay balanced for one minute.
(Everyone can count slowly together.) Half way through,
open your eyes to see if it’s any easier with
eyes open.
After the silliness dies down, gather the family around
a table and light a candle. Ask each person to think
silently about: "What are all the different activities
I'm trying to balance in my life right now?"
PRESENTATION OF THEME:
The Spring Equinox (March 21) and the Fall Equinox
(September 22) are the two days of the year when daylight
and darkness are most equally balanced. Let's take
some time to check out how balanced our lives are
too.
FAMILY RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Are we too busy?
A. Everyone makes a list of how they spend discretionary
time (time not spent sleeping, eating, at school or
work) If anyone has more than two outside activities
(sports, lessons, clubs, committees, etc.) re-evaluate
whether it is causing stress to the family system
and should be put on hold. If the family feels really
stressed, just pruning out unnecessary activities
to allow relaxed, "empty" time at home may
be the goal. If, however, it's been awhile since the
family has had some fun together, share your enjoyable
family activities and decide one you'd like to do
today or soon. Schedule it. Do it.
B. Ask each person to name
an activity they really enjoy doing by themselves
and one they enjoy doing with the family.
CLOSING:
Sing "Day by Day" from Godspell.
TREAT:
Anything that comes in two equal parts (sandwich,
cookies, popsicles) or can be divided in half and
shared. (That's almost anything.)
Related scripture: Ecclesiastes
3:1-8
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights,
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See
the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and
background.
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For
Couples
BONDING AS A COUPLE - SHARING FEELINGS
One way that couples develop
closeness is to share their feelings (not just their
opinions and plans but also their emotions) with each
other. Often sharing on this level comes more easily
to one spouse than the other. Following is a way to
get in touch with what each other really cares about
and what joys and burdens your spouse is carrying.
It doesn’t require much time (maybe 10-15 minutes).
The only supplies needed are a small piece of paper
and pencil. You can do it almost anywhere. Here’s
how it works:
1.
Each spouse writes down 5-10 current or recent feelings
they’ve had (in the last 24 hours).
For example:
• “Relieved” (that I met my deadline
at work)
• “Worried” (because one of our
children had a bad day at school)
• “Pleased” (that you agreed to
do this sharing time with me)
• “Frustrated” (because I couldn’t
get rid of a computer virus today)
• “Weary” (of picking up after everyone
in the house)
• “Joyous” (looking forward to a
free weekend)
2. One partner starts by sharing a feeling
and what prompted it. Be brief. This is not
a time for discussion.
3. Alternate. The other partner picks
a feeling to share and why until both are finished.
Caution:
This is not a time for discussion or solving problems,
but rather simply listening and trying to understand
what’s going on inside your spouse. If couples
try to problem solve or get into extensive discussion
about negative feelings, it can inhibit you from returning
frequently to this practice. It is meant as a quick
check in. Certainly if this exercise brings up an
issue that needs further discussion, plan a separate
time to address the issue.
Some couples do this daily. Weekly is nice. Some just
do it when they’ve been feeling distant or disconnected.
This is a no guilt plan to deepen your love.
Adapted from the SHARING TIME concept
developed by David and Vera Mace of ACME (Association
of Couples in Marriage Enrichment)
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For
Couples
SHARING DREAMS / MAKING COMMITMENTS
1.
A dream that I have for our future is...
(This could be a fantasy that you don't
really expect to come true but enjoy dreaming about, or
it could be a hope that you’re committed to making
come true. Either can revitalize your relationship.)
2.
Five years from now I imagine that our life together
will be different in the following ways:
(Consider things like having a child, having fewer
children at home, different jobs, different home...)
3.
Write a one or two sentence description of your commitment
to your spouse.
(This might reflect a resolution you've made or
it may simply be a statement of your love for your
spouse put in your own words.)
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For
Families
ADVENT
WAITING 2
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
NOTE:
Although Advent is clearly a Christian season of preparing
for the birth of Jesus, Non-Christians may choose
to focus on "waiting" as a self-discipline
which helps the family appreciate the value of delayed
gratification and simplifying our lifestyle. Alternatively,
Jewish families may find many of the concepts below
applicable to preparing for Hanukkah.
BACKGROUND:
The Christmas season is already loaded (or overloaded)
with activity and traditions in most American families.
Our consumer culture has so appropriated this feast
that even families that have no particular religious
reason for celebrating Christmas, get very caught
up in buying and festivities. Celebrating in itself
is not bad but in the process of starting the Christmas
season earlier and earlier (in order to encourage
"shopping days") Christians often lose sight
of the value of Advent – the season of waiting
and preparing for the birth of Jesus. Even families
who are not Christian, but share the season's values
of bringing peace and care to our neighbors and our
world yearn for a return to a simpler season. For
these reasons this Family Night focuses on reassessing
our Christmas activities and trying to return Advent
to its original spirit.
It is our assumption that most families already have
a plethora of customs and the need is not so much
to offer additional ones as to prune away burdensome
ones and bring the focus back to a quiet "waiting"
in the dark of the winter solstice for the light of
Christ to be reborn.
In the following family night I suggest several customs
that help measure the "waiting time" such
as the Advent Wreath, Advent Calendar, and Advent
Chain. Use even these, however, with discretion, since
the primary goal is to unclutter this pre-Christmas
season in order to reclaim its true meaning.
Some families make it a point to write Christmas cards,
do Christmas tree decorating, parties and gift exchanges
only on, or after, December 25. This is a laudable
goal but must be balanced by the awareness that tampering
with family traditions can be a risky business. If
it's going to cause dissension or tension, better
to be less pure but happy with each other during this
season. Likewise, reducing and simplifying gift giving
is also a worthy goal, but must be balanced by sensitivity
to the feelings of those with whom we exchange gifts.
For those unfamiliar with the symbolism of the Advent
wreath:
1. The circle is a reminder of eternity - never ending.
2. The evergreens are a reminder of life that continues.
3. The four candles stand for the four weeks of Advent.
Purple candles are lit the first two weeks. A pink
candle is added the third week to symbolize a joyful
break in the solemn waiting. The third purple candle
is added the final week.
Thus, visually the family sees the gradual increase
in light as we move closer to the feast of Christmas.
YOU
WILL NEED:
Advent Wreath (If the family does not already have
an Advent Wreath buy or make one by using three purple
candles and one pink candle surrounded by evergreens
shaped in a circle)
Watch with a second hand for leader
Large piece of paper
OPTIONAL:
Advent Calendar
1" x 6" strips of construction paper
Creche figures
OPENING:
Assuming this Family Night is being done the first
week of Advent have the oldest child light the first
candle of the Advent Wreath. All sing the chorus to
"O Come, Emmanuel". If the family does not
have the custom of using the Advent Wreath, explain
its meaning (see background.) Then, without explaining
why, the leader waits and does absolutely nothing
for exactly one minute.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
First debrief with the family what it felt like to
have to wait: doing nothing, for one minute without
knowing fully why or how long this would go on. Was
there frustration, anger, silliness? Did people feel
"antsy"?
In its truest sense Advent is a time of active waiting
for the birth of Jesus. This doesn't mean that we
sit around and do nothing for the four weeks before
Christmas but rather that we spend our time quietly
preparing for this holy day. This is in stark contrast
to our culture which hurries Christmas (and most holidays)
by not only preparing for it but also celebrating
it before its actual time.
READING:
Luke 1:26-45
OR
"The $32 billion people in the U. S. spent last
year on Christmas gifts does not include the larger
costs of Christmas. Christmas has a great impact upon
the environment. Consider the waste disposal costs
of this spending binge, or the long-term costs of
using irreplaceable natural resources for non-necessity
commodities. A drive down the street on the first
trash pick-up day after Christmas is a sobering reminder
of the amount of waste generated in this celebration.
Behind every pound of garbage at curbside, there are
approximately 20 pounds of industrial or agricultural
waste created in the process of production."
from Looking Behind the Cost of
Christmas. Milo Thornberry.
Alternatives, P.O. Box 429, Ellenwood, GA 30049 (404)961-0102
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
Tonight we're going to focus on how our family can
keep the true spirit of Advent by learning to get
better at waiting and by rethinking our Advent and
Christmas customs so that they are in harmony with
the Christmas spirit of peacefulness, stewardship
and simplicity.
1.
On a large sheet of paper have the family list all
the usual activities and customs your family does
before and after Christmas. (Examples: get Christmas
tree, decorate it, buy presents, bake cookies, put
up lights, send Christmas cards, use Advent Wreath,
get out creche scene, decorate house, have parties,
exchange gifts, etc.)
2.
Go through the list and distinguish which activities
are truly preparing (i.e. making, buying presents)
and which are more celebrating (i.e. exchanging presents,
parties) Mark a "P" next to preparing activities
and a "C" next to celebrating activities.
3.
Go through the list again assessing the timing of
the activities. Does anyone in your family feel stressed,
overly busy, or hectic during Advent? If so, can you
adjust some of your customs so that they are more
consistent with a peaceful season of waiting?
A. Consider spacing the preparing activities so that
they gradually and humanely build toward Christmas.
(i.e. First week set up the Advent Wreath, second
week set up the creche scene, third week get Christmas
tree, fourth week do preliminary decorating.)
B. Are there any activities that you usually do during
Advent that really are celebrating activities? Could
you wait till Christmas Day or during the 12 days
of Christmas to do these? Are there even preparing
activities that you could wait to do until closer
to Christmas? (Example: wait to decorate the tree
and put up stockings until Christmas Eve.)
C. Are there some activities that you do out of habit
or duty that may be OK but add undue burden during
Advent? (Example: Do you bake out of obligation or
out of love?) Can you agree to eliminate any activities?
4.
Go through the list again and note whether there are
any activities that serve people in need or contribute
to peace in our world. If not, discuss how your family
can share your resources with those who have less
as a way of being faithful to the true spirit of Christmas.
(Examples: make a significant donation to a charity,
provide gifts for a family in need, go Christmas caroling
at a nursing home, etc. Most churches and organizations
offer plenty of opportunities for service at this
time of year.)
5.
Can you all live with your family decisions? Post
them in a prominent place in the house. If desired,
the family can make the list more "artful"
by putting a big star or Christmas tree in the middle
of a large piece of paper with one side labeled "preparing"
and the other "celebrating" and list appropriate
activities on each side. Children could decorate the
chart.
6.
Choose one or more of the following activities that
can help the family measure this time of waiting.
A. The opening Advent Wreath ritual itself may be
sufficient since each week an additional candle is
lit.
B. Make or purchase Advent Calendar(s) so that a window
can be opened each day.
C. Make an Advent Chain by cutting 1" x 6"
strips of multi-colored construction paper. Each night
at dinner each person puts the name of a person or
cause for which they want to pray on a strip. Staple
together each day. By Christmas there is a chain of
prayers to decorate the tree.
D. Invite children to add a piece of straw to the
manger each time they do a good deed.
E. Ceremoniously unwrap each creche figure and together
set up the creche scene in a place of honor.
TREAT:
Something easy to prepare - no waiting; cookies, ice
cream, etc.
Activities
are simplified adaptations from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994. See
the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and
background.
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For Couples
WHEN
WE DISAGREE
Unless
one spouse is exceedingly passive or afraid to displease
his/her partner, married couples will have disagreements.
This is not bad; it is an expression of self-differentiation
and identity. The challenge is to make these times
of disagreement – emotionally difficult as they
sometimes are – times of growth, not undue hurt.
Following
are five ways to approach your next disagreement.
I call them the “5 C”s”
1. Concede
Although you may not be willing to “just give
in” when you both feel emotionally involved
in an argument, this works when one partner is NOT
strongly committed to a position and it is more of
a preference. For the sake of family harmony you might
decide to freely bend your will to let your partner
have his/her way this time. The conceder must be willing
to not harbor resentment. For example, although both
of you may want to visit your own relatives over Christmas,
maybe it is more important to go to your spouse’s
family this year because of a recent death in the
family.
2.
Compromise
This classic negotiation format is well known but
often neglected in the heat of anger. Each mate gives
up something for the sake of the relationship. For
example, I’ll come and watch your softball game
this week if you’ll join me in some recreation
I enjoy (maybe a book club) next week.
3.
Chance
Sometimes ways to compromise or take turns are not
obvious or practical. If an evening of recreation
cannot be split, you might just flip a coin, pick
lots, etc. The key is for the loser to practice the
self-discipline of gracefully letting go of his/her
preference and not sabotage the decision by holding
a grudge while ostensibly agreeing to it.
4.
Co-Existence
When neither partner is willing to accede to the spouse's
wish (even part-way or for a time) agreeing to disagree
may be the best solution. Spouses keep their own opinion
or desire and allow the other to do the same. This
works when the decision is relatively minor or there
is not enough time to fully explore options. Caution:
Co-Existence is not appropriate when one spouse’s
decision interferes with the partner’s freedom
to decide. For example, couples cannot agree to disagree
on whether to have a child, whether one should stop
working, whether to move, etc. Life values and moral
questions that impact each other must be resolved
mutually.
5.
Create a New Possibility
Spouses work together to brainstorm new options that
neither one had thought of previously. This takes
some energy and creativity but often is the most life
giving option. Example: Instead of choosing whose
relatives to visit at Christmas, invite everyone to
your home, meet at a cabin in the woods, hold a videoconference,
etc.
Which
one is best?
One way to know which of these options to use is for
spouses to independently rank how strongly they feel
about getting their way on a scale of 1 – 10
(1 being, I don’t much care to 10 being
grounds for separate bedrooms)
If
one spouse is close to 10 (feels extremely strongly
on the issue) and the other is closer to 1 (doesn’t
much care) Conceding would be the gracious way to
go. (The only exception to this is if there is a pattern
where the same spouse consistently is at 9 or 10.
This is just manipulation or selfishness and needs
to be confronted.)
If
both of you are near the middle (4, 5, 6) consider
Compromise or Chance.
If
both of you feel strongly (7, 8, 9, 10) consider Co-Existing
or Creating a New Possibility.
If
neither of you care much (1, 2, 3) then you probably
aren’t having an argument.
Consensus
Consensus is an additional option available to groups
trying to come to a decision when there are conflicting
opinions. After all sides of an issue have been aired
and dissenting views heard, the leader takes a sense
of the group and suggests the direction that seems
to have emerged with the most support. Although it
may not be everyone’s first choice or preferred
way to go, if everyone can live with the proposed
decision without serious reservations, a consensus
is declared in order to let the group move forward.
If there ARE still serious reservations the group
continues to talk and test compromises until consensus
can be reached.
This
model is adapted from the Growth in Marriage for Newlyweds
program developed by Family & Children Services
of Kansas City and the Association of Couples for
Marriage Enrichment (ACME).
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For Families
LIFE
& DEATH
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Balloons
Pin
OPENING:
Light a candle and ask each member to take a moment
to silently think about a relative, friend, or pet
that has recently died. Think about the good they
did and the joy they brought to us when they were
alive.
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
If this is done near Halloween, the leader may explain
that the custom of Halloween is connected with the
Christian feast of All Saints' Day. Halloween, or
"Holy Eve" was the night before we remember
the saints who have died.
If
this is done upon the death of a relative, friend,
or beloved pet, merely comment that we are gathering
to remember our love for ___________and to share our
sadness now that s/he has died.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY
Blow up the balloon and play with it for awhile. Talk
about how fun it is and what color it is and how much
we like it. Then pop the balloon. You are left with
the physical shell, but the life, the fun, is gone
with the air. The air from the balloon, however, is
still in the room with us. When a person dies, we
believe that his or her spirit is still with us. The
body is dead and will be buried, but as long as we
remember the person, part of them, like the air, is
still with us even if we can't see them anymore.
If
it is a small pet that has died, hold a simple burial.
Dig a hole in a corner of the yard, wrap the pet in
tissue and place it in the hole. Before covering the
pet with dirt, the leader invites everyone to say
how the pet brought joy to our life and how much we
loved the pet. If desired, a spontaneous prayer might
be said asking God's blessing on the pet and on us
in our sadness over our loss. Cover the hole and give
comfort to each other.
TREAT:
Depending on the nature of the occasion, the family
may not be in the mood for a festive treat. If the
death is not a recent one, however, and the family
is in the mood, a bunch of balloons could be blown
up to play with. Hollow candy or puff pastry might
also be fun.
Related
Scripture if desired: John 12:24
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age
adaptations, expanded reading, activities, songs,
recipes, and background.
BACK
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For Couples
HOW
DO I KNOW THEE ?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS
Please
answer the following questions separately, then compare
and discuss.
Be honest!
| 1.
How much money would I spend without consulting
my spouse first?_____ |
| 2.
If I could buy anything, what would it be? |
My
spouse? |
| 3. What
is my favorite place to go out to eat? |
My spouse’s? |
| 4. If
I could vacation anywhere on earth, where would
it be? |
My spouse’s? |
| 5. What
is my favorite movie? |
My spouse’s? |
| 6. What
is my favorite reading material or book? |
My
spouse’s? |
| 7. What
is my favorite time of day? |
My spouse’s? |
| 8. Where
is my favorite place to made love? |
My
spouse’s? |
| 9. What
makes me laugh? |
My spouse? |
| 10.
When is my prayer time? |
My spouse’s? |
| 11.
Household chores I despise. |
My spouse’s? |
12.
My favorite thing to wear.
| What's
my spouse say I look good in? |
| 13.
What is my spouse’s shoe size? ______ |
|
| 14.
What do I think we disagree about the most? |
What
does my spouse think? |
| 15.
What is my favorite “pig out” food?
|
My spouse’s? |
| 16.
What is my favorite leisure activity? |
My spouse’s? |
| 17.
My favorite expression is… |
My spouse’s? |
| 18.
Do we make love enough? _____ |
What
would my spouse say? ____ |
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For
Families
FORGIVE
& FORGET
Adapted from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
A hand puppet for each person in the family (socks with
buttons for eyes can substitute)
OPENING:
Light a candle while each family member silently thinks
about "What do I generally get most mad about in
our family? With whom do I fight the most?"
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
Most people don’t have much trouble starting an
argument. We want to get better at stopping them. Anytime
people live closely together and lead a common life,
there are going to be differences - different personalities,
different opinions, and different ways of doing things.
The problem comes when we let a fight or argument cause
hurt - either physical hurt or hurt feelings. Let’s
get better at fighting and forgiving tonight.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
What’s the beef?
Thinks of a recent time you felt angry with another
member of your family and maybe got into a fight. Invite
everyone to let their puppet act out the situation using
their own puppet and the puppet of the other person.
It's OK to exaggerate the conflict a little for drama
and humor's sake.
Solving
the beef
After everyone has had a chance to act out their "beef",
it's time to solve the beef. The leader asks for suggestions
for the family's Rules For Fighting. List them on a
large sheet of paper. The list may include such things
as:
1. No name calling.
2. No hitting.
4. If two people want the same thing and only one can
have it, toss a coin or pick numbers. (The person closer
to the parent's number gets it.)
5. What are some agreed upon consequences that will
happen when familiar fights erupt (i.e. no TV, time
out, go to different rooms, no one gets it, etc.)
6. Add your own.
Display
the list in a prominent place.
Finishing
the beef
Invite everyone to use their puppets to replay their
fight of a few minutes ago using the RULES FOR FIGHTING
to get to a satisfactory resolution.
Forgiving
the beef
At the end of each pair's skit, the two members take
off their puppets and the leader asks if they feel they
can ask for and offer forgiveness. Complete with a hug.
NOTE
TO LEADER: "I'm sorry that you feel hurt"
can be used if someone believes a problem is not their
fault. Also, "I'm sorry" should not be forced
or required, but only encouraged, since it must be genuine
to be believed and effective. If a member is not ready
to ask or offer forgiveness, merely accept this reality
and express the hope that time will heal the hurt.
To
close, the whole family stands in a circle, takes two
steps toward the middle of the circle and has a "family
hug".
TREAT:
Try "eating your words". Take Alphabits cereal,
spell out any angry feelings you might have had and
"eat" them to get rid of them.
Related
Scripture if desired: Matthew 18:21-35
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
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For
Couples
COMMUNICATION
CHECK-UP
1.
What are the feelings that I find most difficult to
express to my spouse?
(For example: inadequacy, jealousy, fear, anger, failure,
praise, tenderness, etc.) Why?
2.
Is one of us more at ease expressing emotions while
the other is more the "thinker"? How does
this affect our communication?
3.
When I feel really angry with my partner, I usually...
4.
I really like it when my spouse shows his/her love for
me by...
5.
I would really like it if my spouse would also...
BACK
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For
Families
WE’RE
ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
Adapted
from Just Family Nights
YOU
WILL NEED:
Picture of the Earth or a globe to pass around.
Web of Life Game supplies: ball of string or yarn, make
8 nature cards with string to go around necks for: sun,
plants, food, water, soil, air, animals, and people
OPENING:
Light a candle and sing a song like "This Land
is Your Land".
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
The earth we live on is like a giant organism. Sometimes
this is called an eco-system and it means that everything
in, on, and above the earth is connected. When one part
of the system changes or is hurt this affects other
parts. Even parts of the environment that are not generally
thought of as alive like the sun, water, or soil impact
each other and all life.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
"Web of Life" - Instructions:
Form a circle. Place one nature card on each player
(Smaller families can give more than one card to a person).
The leader is a spider in the middle of the circle and
will weave a magical web, "The web of life".
Tell the story of ecology below. Weave or pass string
from sun to plant to food to water, etc, when indicated
by the story.
THE
WEB OF LIFE:
All things on earth, living and non-living, in some
way depend on each other. This relationship is called
the balance of nature. It is the web of life.
All life depends upon the sun.
Green plants need the sun to make their own food,
Water, soil and air are also necessary.
Some animals eat plants,
Humans depend upon plants and animals for food.
humans must be aware of this balance of nature and do
their best to protect and preserve it.
Finally,
recite the Earth Pledge. The family could make a collage
of beautiful nature scenes and write the Earth Pledge
on it. This could be hung in a prominent place as a
reminder and recited periodically.
The
Earth Pledge
I promise to care for all the earth
Because of its life and awesome worth.
For land and water and plants and air,
For animals and people everywhere.
For all that lives, and all that gives
Me LIFE, I give my word.
TREAT:
Serve vegetables and dip or fresh fruit to represent
produce from the earth.
Related
Scripture if desired: Romans 12:5-6
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
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For
Couples
COUPLE
FUN INVENTORY
Instructions:
Each spouse rates the following on a scale of 1-10 with
1 being the least enjoyable and 10 being the most enjoyable
kind of fun or recreation you do as a couple.
Husband/Wife
_____/_____ Visiting/hosting friends
_____/_____ Dining out together
_____/_____
Traveling together
_____/_____ Going to parties
_____/_____ Participating in sports together
_____/_____ Watching sports together
_____/_____ Romantic evenings together
_____/_____
Playing games at home
_____/_____
Sharing jokes or humor
_____/_____ Plays, concerts, movies
_____/_____
Surprising/Being surprised
_____/_____
Working together to fix things up
_____/_____
Joint service/civic/faith projects
_____/_____
Other _________________________________________
When finished, talk about each area in terms of similar
or different ratings and how you feel about your answers.
Do you want to make any changes, either as an individual
and as a couple?
How can you be more playful and have fun without "working
at it"?
Is there anything you really like to do together that
doesn't cost much or any money?
REMEMBERING FUN
OR PLAYFUL TIMES
•Recall
a humorous incident or story in your relationship that
made you laugh.
•Recall
a time in your relationship when you were surprised
by your partner.
•Remember
a time when the two of you did something unusual or crazy.
BACK
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For
Families
A PIECE
OF THE PIE
Adapted from Just Family Nights and a nice
complement to tax season
YOU
WILL NEED:
Dollar bill (or play money)
Match, plus a safe way to burn the money
Poker chips (or similar counters such as buttons or
pebbles)
Tripoli (or similar game that can use poker chips) or
Monopoly
Paper and crayons for younger children
OPENING:
Leader dramatically burns a dollar bill (or play money
if you can't bring yourself to destroy the real thing)
PRESENTATION
OF THEME:
NOTE TO LEADER: This session works best when there
is an element of surprise, so announce the theme simply
as "Money". In this way, the experience itself
is the teacher. For example, "Let's play a game
using pretend money, since most of us don't have money
to burn. People sometimes use poker chips as a substitute
for money in games, so that's how we'll do it."
Prepare
to play a poker chip game like Tripoli or a cash game
like Monopoly.
If the family is not familiar with this game or a similar
one, teach the game first and perhaps do a sample round
under the normal rules.
Once
everyone understands the game, the leader distributes
the poker chips or play money making sure to allot them
unevenly. For example, the youngest child may get the
most and there should be other obvious inequalities.
It
is unlikely that the game will get very far before a
reaction from those who were dealt less chips or money
erupts. At this point the leader stops the game to discuss
the feelings of the different players.
•Why is it unfair that you didn't get as many
chips/money?
•How do those of you who got more feel?
•Did you do anything special to deserve more chips/money?
•Who wants to keep playing?
The
leader then explains that unfortunately this unfair
distribution of money really happens in the real world.
In fact, 6% of the world's population (the equivalent
of the population of the U.S.A.) uses 40% of the world's
resources. Many people are born poor and didn't do anything
to deserve it, but have a hard time getting money because
they don't have good health, a good education, or have
a family that helps them succeed.
FAMILY
RESPONSE/ACTIVITY:
1. The family could continue to discuss why inequities
of wealth exist in our country and in our world. Do
we know anyone who has fewer material goods than us?
Is there a discreet way to help someone who currently
has a legitimate need for more money? Should our family
consider tithing our time and resources?
2. When discussion has run its course, the original
game of Tripoli or Monopoly could be restarted with
everyone getting an equal amount of chips/money.
TREAT:
Anything green or round like coins would be fitting,
perhaps green cookies or thin mints.
Related
Scripture if desired: Matthew 19:23-26
This
activity is simplified from Just Family Nights.
Susan Vogt, ed. Brethren Press, Elgin, IL: 1994.
See the original book of 60 family nights for age adaptations,
expanded reading, activities, songs, recipes, and background.
BACK
TO TOP
For Couples
I
FEEL LOVED WHEN…
It
is particularly nice to feel loved and cared for by
one special person. It is an unrealistic expectation,
however, to think that one partner can ‘just
naturally know’ what helps the other feel especially
loved. It is a romantic myth that “If you really
loved me, you would know what I want.”
Individually
complete the following sentence:
I feel loved when ____________________ OR, I appreciate
it when _______________________
List
at least five actions or behaviors your spouse has
done that helped you feel loved or that you especially
appreciated.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
When
both of you have completed your responses, take turns
sharing with your spouse.
Adapted
from: Marriage Enrichment Resources by the
National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers
(NACFLM), www.nacflm.org
Used with permission
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