Living Lightly

Susan Vogt on living more simply but abundantly

Browsing Posts published by Susan Vogt

…things gotten illegally? – like traffic signs? I don’t remember which of our kids liberated the seven large, heavy traffic signs (STOP, Men Working, Speed limit 25 etc.) that were stored in the garage. I don’t know where or how they got them. It’s probably best I don’t know. I listed the signs on an e-mail to neighbors, however, and they were a real hit. Several neighbor kids wanted them for their rooms or the fort they were building. I don’t know if it’s illegal to pass on things gotten illegally, but the kids were very pleased and at least they’re using them for something creative and wholesome.

OK, here’s all the stuff that #3 child absolutely did not want me to get rid of but didn’t want to take himself. I could have given him a deadline and said anything he hasn’t claimed goes to Goodwill as some readers have suggested. In fairness to him, however, he does have a very small apartment. But really – two old Play Stations, combination locks without the combination, papers from college, old role playing games he never plays? Since he was the “close and easy” one I’m defaulting to having one trunk of memorabilia for each of our four children. Anything that can fit in the trunk, I’m willing to store – for now. Of course a “Free Yard Sale” is another possibility. The younger neighborhood kids would love his voodoo doll, Koosh balls, etc.

One of the hardest decisions to make about giving things away are things that I’m quite happy to part with – but don’t belong to me. I decided to start with child #3 since he’s the only one who lives in town and thus is the easiest to check with. I was wrong!
I had chosen 7 role playing games that he was into as a teenager. At 30 I thought he wouldn’t care if I gave them away since he probably didn’t even know they were stored in an old trunk. When I asked, he told me definitively not to get rid of any of his stuff and that this was a silly project. He eventually permitted me to give away some clothing which I’ll highlight later. Hmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought. There’s probably still about 30 items in his trunk, half of which I hoped to pass on. Most of the things he was willing to part with went straight to the trash before I could take a photo. A few miscellaneous items from his old room which are worth giving away, are pictured here. Check this week’s “Extra” for the items he couldn’t live without — but still wants me to store.

No, we’re not giving away the house but, as I’ve reflected on why it’s been relatively easy so far for me to find many things to give away, it’s partly because we’ve lived in the same house for over 25 years. It’s also because I’m both a pack-rat and a good organizer so I can store things in a very compact manner. It occurs to me that many people achieve the goal of decluttering their home by either having a yard sale or moving. Yard sales take a bit of time to organize but they do bring in some cash and spread used items around to other people who can use them – or store them or give them away when they realize they didn’t really need it anyway.

Moving, of course, forces the issue. Military families, employees of companies that require frequent moves, members of religious orders who move out of obedience wherever the need is, may keep their possessions lean because of these mandatory moves. Although moving is unsettling, it does have these advantages.

Of course there are those who move with barely more than the clothes on their backs – refugees, the poor and homeless, immigrants, those who have lost their homes through foreclosure or who live in war zones, etc. I guess this puts it all in perspective. I should be grateful that I have the luxury of extra stuff to give away.

OK, OK, I admit I’ve succumbed to giving away my husband’s and house guest’s shirts this week, but they did agree to it. I tried to give some to our son who lives nearby and is a school teacher but the generation gap kicked in since none were appealing to him. It might not look like 12 shirts, but count the hangers.

First you should know that by temperament and choice I am very frugal. (My kids have a less flattering word for it.) Next you should know that I got my first manicure about several months ago (at age 62) when my daughter “treated” me to it during our mother/daughter rendezvous in Egypt. I have never considered painted fingernails to be especially attractive, practical, or natural (although I know many fine people, including my mother, who regularly get manicures.)

So, what’s this got to do with giving stuff away? Well, we’ve been helping a homeless family pick up some odd jobs since they had absolutely no income – only food stamps and limited medical care. Then I noticed that the 19 year-old mother had gotten a manicure. She was proud of it. I was aghast. I didn’t say anything – until I could privately tell my husband. He challenged me on being judgmental. Knowing the more practical needs and debts that I had hoped they’d spend this odd job cash on, it was hard for me to see them spend it on what I considered an unnecessary luxury. My compassionate side said, “Hey, if you’d had no spending money for months and finally got a little cash through your own hard work, blowing some of it on a luxury is like a mental health break and understandable.” Then my mother side kicked in and said, “She should have put it toward their debt or saved it to buy a cell phone which would help us keep in touch.” My social worker side said, “I should have anticipated this and worked with the family more directly to make a plan for how to use this new found bounty.” I often judge people for being judgmental of others. It’s a hard demon to tame. What bothers you most about other people? What do you do with the judgments you make?

Important PS: I just learned that the manicure was FREE! Apparently the church she was staying in last week, had a professional manicurist offer her services free to the guests. That’ll teach me!

Giving away items that remind us of important events are a dilemma. Do I give away my wedding dress? No – even though my daughter may never be interested in wearing it. Giving away a tux that a relative made for my husband’s Kindergarten graduation was a little easier. It was charming but it was yellowed and it was unlikely that anyone I knew would ever wear it. My husband agreed to let it go. A local photography studio said they’d like it as a costume for children’s photos. I felt good about this use. This week I also gave away 3 small Baptism/First Communion banners, an antler, a rock that my son wished was valuable, a colorful but dusty yarn doll, and fixin’s for long hair that I no longer have. The tux, however, made the best photo.

I guess I’m becoming known as the ‘Give-Away Lady” because a friend was visiting from out of town and brought some books for me to give away. The problem is that he has good taste in reading material – meaning he likes the same books I do. One of the books, Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich, was on my “want to read list” so I devoured it immediately. The other books were of interest to our long term house guest. Oh oh, I’m adding books rather than pruning my book shelves.

Giving away words in the form of a compliment, greeting card, letter to the editor, saying the Pledge of Allegiance, a prayer, or putting out a political sign can take time and thought. I’ve been trying to be more conscious of words these days – both acknowledging a talent in another and refraining from complaining. Since it’s hard to photograph speech, I also found 12 caps around the house – most with various logos. Since I only have one head, I felt that two for me and two for Jim should be plenty. I picked out my favorites. That leaves 8 to give away.

The young couple and their 4 month old baby that I mentioned in the post, “Letting Go Of Privacy” has been staying with us for a couple weeks now. You get to know people on a deeper level when they live with you. We have been impressed with their respectfulness and willingness to work and help out around the house. BUT, having raised 4 children and being a family life educator, I also notice things that I’d like to advise them on. It’s hard enough trying to discern when to advise our own young adults, but even more delicate when the person is not related to you. When is parenting, nutrition, financial, and life skills advice helpful and when does it just sound like criticism? It’s hard to know when I am over-reaching or being over-responsible. On the other hand, if it were my own young adults in need of temporary help, I’d hope that a wise adult would give them solid information about life. What they do with it is up to them. When is unsolicited advice appropriate and necessary and when is it interfering and keeping them dependent? That is the question. Any advice?

Lupus is a serious disease – not a person, but it solved my storage problem brought on by plastering our stairwell. A few days ago, I got an unsolicited call saying that the Lupus Foundation would have a truck in our neighborhood next Thursday. Did I have anything to contribute? I assume it was just dumb luck that they called me. (I don’t think they’ve been reading my blog.) Anyway, it was an easy way to clear out my stuffed stairwell before the plasterer comes. Since many of this weeks items are not new give-aways, I added a few miscellaneous items.

Our house is over 100 years old and we have plaster issues! After 28 years of “living with it” we decided to repair the crumbling plaster in our stairwell. By “we” I don’t mean “me” but we hired a professional plasterer. What does this have to do with giving stuff away – other than a whole lot of dust? Answer: The stairwell is where I’ve been storing my stuff till I find a home for it. See next Sunday’s blog for the solution.

A couple nights ago the phone rang at 10:30 pm – not a good sign. It was the young woman who we’ve been helping through her pregnancy, marriage, and miscellaneous needs. She said she, her husband, and 4-month-old baby needed an emergency place to live for a short time. They discovered that the place they were staying was no longer a healthy environment. (I’ll leave the details to your imagination.) Could they stay with us? Hmmmm. On one hand I’m an extrovert and love company (mostly friends and relatives for a short time). On the other hand, Jim and I have settled into a quite pleasant empty-nest routine where our time is ours to control (mostly). Yes we do a lot of volunteer work and service but it’s on our own terms – not someone else’s schedule. Besides, having been a social worker I am too well aware of how a two week stay can morph into months. So the photo does not mean I’m giving away this cute little baby,  but rather giving away space and control of my lifestyle for awhile.
At first I felt compelled to report giving away seven tangible things each week, but today I know that giving away space, privacy, control, and time may be the biggest challenge of this year.

because I’ve got too much lettuce. It’s one of the mysteries of nature that the more one picks and prunes the more one gets. I’ve tried to grow lettuce before but got too little. This year I used the “just sprinkle the seed” approach and I got way too much and it needed thinning. What a happy problem. I thinned and gave the lettuce to the neighbor on the left. Thinned some more and took it to our neighbor on the right. Thinned again and took it across the street. It still didn’t look like I’d made a dent in it so I thinned once more and took it to another neighbor – all within a 24 hour period. It’s a little less crowded but not sparse. It’s almost like multiplying loaves and fishes. Lettuce share.

A few days ago a good friend stopped by as she was walking her dog. We chatted because it had been awhile since we had caught up with each other. Eventually, as dinner time approached, we invited her to stay. Dinner was very nice, leisurely, and long. Near the end I started getting antsy since I realized I had a lot of housework to do that I had postponed to spend time with our friend. I’m sure I did the right thing but my “Martha side” started feeling impatient. For me, giving away time is often harder than giving away things.

I thought of this as I corralled our son to transport some old cement blocks for use in a raised vegetable garden at his school. It took both our time, cars, and his strength to do this good deed – the cement blocks were secondary. The cement blocks don’t make a pretty picture but it’s easier than taking a photo of time. The six of them plus a dinner and time were my give-aways this week.

One of my readers recently said that my blog made her laugh out loud at her desk and that now I can add laughter as something I gave away.  I have the reputation, rightly earned, as being a lousy joke teller so this was a gift back to me too. Now, is this an equal sum game in which if I give something away, but it comes right back, it equals zero – and thus I can’t count it! That’s your zen conundrum for the day.

The stuff I’ve chosen to give away had swamped the corner of the house I’ve been storing it in until I could take it to St. Vincent de Paul or Goodwill. I decided to try Freecycle (a service like “Craig’s List” but everything is free). It was amazing! Once I learned the mechanics of how to make a post, I received 5 inquiries in the first 5 minutes and probably 25 all together. The neat thing about Freecycle is that people come to YOU to pick up the stuff and there’s no haggling over price because it’s all free. (I’ve done plenty of bargaining when visiting developing countries and it’s a pleasure not to have to negotiate prices.) Almost all my 150+ items were swooped up in two days.

As I learned what people were looking for, I added a few items that I hadn’t yet decided to give away. Those plus my time responding to e-mails and answering the doorbell added up to at least seven items this week. I was also impressed to learn that a lot of people are giving a lot of things away. Some of my freecyclers were mainly middlemen/women who have a number of needy families or schools that they distribute the stuff to.

One of the advantages of storing my give-aways until I could bundle them all up and make one or two trips to St. Vincent de Paul or Goodwill, is that my decisions were reversible – at least for awhile. This helped me “try out” living without an item and confirm that I was ready to let go of it. I have three pairs of jeans – one good, one for gardening, and one that’s in good condition but I think makes me look fat. I could also use the “fat jeans” for gardening and dirty home projects. I debated whether to give the good, but fat, jeans away or give away the pair with a hole in the knee. Several times I took the fat jeans out of the give-away pile, wore them, then put them back. I finally decided that it would be more respectful to give the “fat but good” jeans away since they were in better condition.

Since bouncing an item back and forth should still only count for 1 item, I also found a number of jogging pants and slippers that I don’t need. For someone who doesn’t jog, one pair is enough

Sometimes we give away stuff; sometimes it’s money or time. Several years ago my husband started mentoring a young man from a local junior high school. Although he’s the one giving his time, I realized that Josh was the ideal person to give some of the posters to that no longer decorate our kid’s rooms. I also gave him a souvenir from my Egypt trip.

Now that our kids have all graduated from college, not only are we free of tuition payments but some of our kids are actually making money. We asked if they would like to contribute to a scholarship fund for high-school graduates from their inner city public high-school. We would match what they contributed. They agreed. Now we all are investing in the education of a future generation. Time, posters, souvenirs, and money add up to at least seven items this week.

Actually the harder “time investment” I’ve been making for the past couple years has been tutoring at our son’s school. Giving money is easier than making a weekly commitment to be there for elementary math and reading.

I filed an extension for our income taxes since I was traveling in Africa and Asia around April 15. Now, it’s time for me to complete this duty. I may be one of the few people in the USA who think taxes are good. Not only do taxes pay for police and fire protection, defense, schools, and roads, they also provide the social safety net that many people need. Call me Pollyanna, but I think taxes are a way that we take care of our brothers and sisters who haven’t been blessed or lucky enough to have a good job or who are frail or elderly. (Besides I like going to National Parks and other beneficial things our taxes make possible.)
Still, does paying my taxes count as giving something away? They are not voluntary so maybe I shouldn’t count paying them as giving stuff away even though many more people will benefit from my tax money than the discretionary items I decide to give away each day. Just in case taxes don’t count, however, I still found about 10 miscellaneous trifles to pass on including some throw pillows, bath bubbles, and the real prize – Avon Bust Sculpt. It was a gag gift I got for my 50th birthday. I’m not saying I couldn’t use it; I just didn’t have confidence that it would make a difference. My taxes will.